Thurday has arrivedl, yesterday was October 20th, it has now been over 60 days since I buried my wife Melinda. I miss her terribly of course, and I have tried to do all she wanted me to when she died. She asked for no production or show at her funeral and I did as she requested. I kept it simple to a graveside ceremony on August 20th, and that is how she wanted it. I paid for all regarding her burial and her headstone now. next is the process of her probate and then the house sale once, I can finish cleaning it out. It is not easy giving up the home you lived in for 21 years, but, there is nothing, one man can do, with a four bedroom, 3 1/2 bathroom house with an apartment in the basement also. I can’t afford to run it myself and I can’t see a way to keep it anyway, nor do I want to.
In the recent past, I have been asked, as my sister has also, how did Melinda go downhill so fast? That should never have been a question, for the battle she had was sixteen years long, for her. It surprises me that such a question could be asked by her family. Did they not witness the slide down and the worsening of her health over the years, or did they just want to deny it and not see it? I don’t know, which it was, but, to me, it was sad to hear it come from her sister and her daughter. If they had paid attention, they would have seen what I saw over the past sixteen years of her life, her slowly passing away in different ways. I loved my wife more than anyone will ever know, but, I knew what was happening and I prepared myself mentally and emotionally the best I could and yet, her death shocked me and drove me into depression also. I will always miss my wife, but I will never underatnd the questions I received as I took care of her or why everytime I told people items, they either ignored me, or denied what I was saying and questioned me over it all. Sadly, I can’t stand the fact of what they did, and said.
Time has now moved on, and the future for me, will be a lonely one I gather, because I am 65 and in no rush to enter any relationship with another woman. I will work on standing tall and doing my best to carry on of course and I am sure my Melinda, would want me to do, just that.
Cleaning out the house, selling all I can, then selling the house will take time. Once it is done and her probate is settled I can then buy a condo or place of my own and a new vehicle and start over again, alone. I need new to be able to not get depressed, anymore. Time shall tell how it goes if you ask me, yet it is a necessary thing I must do.
I can say many things about the period of time my wife was home in the end of her life, but, I won’t say it publically, so I do not hurt others feelings or embarrass or humiliate them. I saw and heard things no husband should have seen or heard as their wife was dying and after she died, from her family. Sadly they believe they were ok with it and I didn’t and I don’t appreciate what they did, period. Yet I will move on and not push matters with any of them, for neither really cared about or for me, like Melinda did. I am not stupid or ignorant, nor am I foolish in anyway. I understand they all wanted a part of Melinda when she died and all that belonged to her, they got their share, I made sure. I will not give anymore than I have, I am done giving now and I hope to God, they are happy with what they got. If they are not I am sorry, I owe them nothing and never did and never will.
Where does a widower go after his wife passes away is the big question I must answer for myself now! I know I can’t stay in the area she died in, nor will I keep the house either. I know I must move away and move on so I don’t get depressed and think of ending my own life. I remember what Melinda told me as she was dying one day, she said and I quote, ” I never wanted to put you through this, promise me you will carry on well”. So, I shall do as she wished and wanted for me, find a way to carryon and enjoy the rest of my life. If that doesn’t fit with others ideas or thoughts, I am sorry, it is what I have to do, I am still alive.
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