Reflections on where I am at today

Morning to all out there. Today is October 27th, 2021, I awoke at around 7:30 am, the winds were battering everything everywhere here, and of course power went down for a while before returning. Weather we can not control folks no matter what we do. There will always be a few things mankind can not control, one is how long we live an dthe second is the weather, for the only one who controls or works with Mother Nature is indeed Father Time.

As time goes on there is not much I can do or say anymore about life, except to say it is unpredictable and things can change suddenly, at anytime. We live here on earth through the goodness of something we have no understanding of, we just exist folks, until we don’t. Some of us go early and some of us go later in life but if there was ever a saying that was serious it was, two things are definite, one is taxes and the other is death. Now as time goes on and we grow older there is no escaping either of them, believe me.

October is rolling along and day after day I get closer to getting rid of the home I was in for 21 years with my wife who passed in August. I have cleaned out most of it now, and in the end there are still somethings left to clean out and get rid of. Then I need to have the carpets cleaned and then sell the place as soon as i can to move on. All takes time and an effort and it is not easy saying goodbye to 21 years of your life.

That, is where i sit today, as I slowly progress toward a life on my own again, after a 28 year relationship with my wife. There comes periods of sadness and thoughts of her of course it is rough as hell. Yet, I also know she would want me to live my life to the fullest and enjoy what I have left of it. So I shall do the best I can, as soon as I can to get on with it.

Usually, it is news time right now at almost 8:30 am here, but, the weather has turned to high winds and all is quiet as power comes and goes. IT seems that life and mother earth have their own ways today. Sometimes it is fate, sometimes it is destiny and then sometimes, the planet takes over with weather and climate changes like now. We don’t control all of it, we only try to.

Fall is in full force now of course, the leaves are blowing around, the winds are high and rain is everywhere today. The colors are nice to see, the golden yellows and reds mixed in. Halloween is approaching quickly now and before I know it November will be here. I keep searching for a place to live as i stay with my sister and her man for now as the process goes forward.

I check home listings in the area daily here in Massachusetts, seeing if i can find a small condo to live in. Prices wil be tricky until I know for sure what the house sells for in Connecticut. Time will tell what is next for me soon enough I am sure. All I want is a small place I can furnish and live in and be at peace and a decent vehicle for futurre useage, that is dependable for doctors and going to stores and such. Peace is all I seek now, and I am hoping to enjoy life till my end comes.

The way I see it, I spent most of my childhood and teenage years helping others as I went along. Then, I spent my military time and my first marriage doing what was right serving Uncle Sam and my family. Next I spent 28 years with my second wife, and 16 of them taking care of her through her cancer. I really havent spent much of my life so far, just for me. So, I am hoping that now is my time, and I can find peace, some joy and happiness in my final years I have left. Is that asking for too much, I do not know but all I can do is try to do it right now.

I know I did all I could to keep my wife alive as long as i could. Then, I did the right thing in burying her as she requested and getting her headstone. I gave all I could to her daughter and grandchildren now as i cleaned out the house we lived in for 21 years. Whether they are happy with what I gave them or not I did my best to give them memories of her. Hopefully they are satisfied in that way at least, I can’t take away the pain of losing her, but I did what I thought was right in all ways.

Life my friends is about relationships, giving and taking, receiving is not as important as what you give. In life we find people who want more than they are given, for one reason or another, some are selfish, some are greedy, some are emotional and not understanding what they are saying or doing, especially in time of deaths. So, as a 65 year old man who is now a widower, I get it I do, but, you can’t ask for more than I am willing to give. if you do, you won’t get any of it thats for sure, I gave all I can. At some point one must start to take care of themself and not worry about others, I am now at that stage.

At 65 years old, I have now seen most things that can happen in life happen. I really don’t want or need to deal with people who demand and want things other than my paying my bills as I live out my life. Some will say I am cruel or mean, or ask why I am the way I am. My answer to them is simple, I am a realist folks, I deal with what is before me, because I must and I have to live out my own life now.

I only ask that those who know me, understand me when I say, I must now live my life in my own way to the best of my ability, one step at a time is all I can do. I loved my wife, I respected my wife and her wishes, now all I ask is for people to respect me and my wishes and to let me live out my life in peace.

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