God Bless All!

Slowly and surely, time ticks on for all of us and we are limited in our time on earth and in this life we have. Humanity does not as of yet have a way to expand our own lifetimes, even if we wish we did. So we try to be prepared for when we die, by leaving something to those we left behind. We tend to leave homes, cars, furniture and anything that helps the ones we leave behind financially. We tend to want to keep those we leave behind in better shape then they were before, which is what we all want for our families and friends, we love. It is how we are taught in life, believe me.

Anyway, sometimes, people wait too long before they decide to write a Trust or Will and improperly do it or give, to some people who don’t need it or don’t deserve it at all. Yet in the end their wishes still get covered and done. We honor the one who died in that way in humanity, it is a tradition.

I know when I pass from this existence to whatever the next will be, I want what I own in money or material belongings to go to those who helped me survive as long as I can. I appreciate my family, my friends who thought of me through y life and who are there helping me. I tend to give back to the ones who count in that way.

Pets sometimes get money and taken care of because of their loyal ways and for the companionship they provide. People tend to laugh at those who do it that way, but, they do it because they count on the pets and the pets count on them too. Life is a circle and we attach ourselves to pets, friends and lovers and our families. It is natural to do in human life.

Anyway enough on these thoughts for now. I am working on all I need to do since my wife passed away from cancer on August 10th, 2021. Each day has been a struggle in and of itself. I miss my wife big time and I know there will never be a way to bring her back. I have come to accept it now and try to deal with it each day. Doesn’t mean I will ever forget her, because i never will. IT is now over 90 days since her death and 90 days since I buried her. Hard for me to believe, but it is so now.

When she died on August 10, 2021, I was left alone in the house we shared for 21 years. I almost committed suicide during that time and if my sister had not helped me I probably would not be here, now. Then she left me to prepare for my wife’s burial, I arranged it all fine and I held on till my sister returned after ten days. Then we buried my wife and I came back to the house and my sister left. At that point I lost it and came extremely close to committing suicide as i contemplated it by running out into the street numerous times. What saved me?

I was in a chatroom on the internet talking about committing suicide and the people in it told me to get help. They recommended I contact the Veteran’s Hospital and ask for help, I did. I spent ten days in a ward for depression, trying to deal with my wife’s death and my loss. When I got out my sister came for me and took me to her home, keeping me alive. My sister has kept me alive now by keeping me around her in her home. I thank her for that.

As to my wife’s family she left behind when she passed, I have had no contact with any of them. Her daughter does not call to ask how I am, neither does her grandkids or her sister. Sadly, I guess, they don’t think of me, or care about me, so loneliness can set in and sadness over all I did for them over the years. I gave to her grandkids college educations, I gave to her daughter also and her sister and brother in law too. But, I get no respect or acknowledgement of any of that from any of them. I guess they thought my wife was providing all they got from her and i, they are wrong period.

One last thing I wish to mention here, the daughter of my wife and her first husband said she was shocked and surprised how fast my wife died. It wasn’t fast, it was slow and painful for her, and we worked for 16 years of her life to keep her alive. The cancer wasn’t sudden it was constant period. So many years of Doctors, medicines, treatments, tests, scans. Chemo. Radiation, then in the end immunio-theraphy. The cancer spread in her body going from breast cancer, to bone cancer then into her blood stream and then into her brain, which ultimately took her from me. I did all I could do to keep her alive, for all those years, and in the end I brought her home to die in her own home with me by her side. It wasn’t her daughter, her sister, her grandchildren with her when she died, it was my sister and me. Now, all I want to remember are the good times and good memories I had with her and to move on on my own and live out my life in a decent, comfortable way. God Bless All!

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