For the first time in twenty eight years, a holiday has passed without my wife here. It was rough and yes I cried a bit over it, yet in the end, I am still here. Now I know some people, say things regarding my relationship and marriage. In the end it was my wife and I who lasted 20 years together, why, simple, it was love, it was respect. A marriage does not last 28 years, unless you love and respect the person your married to and communicate with them and compromise. Compromise is life folks in all ways, and if you want a relationship and you wish to keep it, you learn to compromise and roll with it.
I don’t want to hear people who say or speak behind my back. I hate two faced individuals who have no real facts to rely upon. If anyone wishes to say anything regarding our marriage, I hope for your sake I never hear you even whisper a word about it. But, to give all a vision or view into out marriage, let me say this, 28 years is no short period of life, secondly, there were no disputes or physical fights between us, and even our arguments were short and forgotten in no time. Can you say that about any relationship you have had? I can.
I brought my wife home on July 29th, 2021 from a Rehab./Nursing home, so I could care for her myself, the best I can and could. We talked as she laid in her hospice bed at home, I fed her and got an extra nurse to be there daily. When it got rough and her condition worsened, I called for help and my sister came. Together we slept in the living room in separate reclining chairs getting up and checking on her status and condition the best we could.
I allowed and would have never refused to her family the right to come see her when they wanted. I watched as they came and went and di as they wanted in my home and assessed what was in it and how they could get it all. And my wife laid there unable to speak or say a word to them, as they debated what items they wanted once she died. Who does this to their sister, their mother or grandmother, no one I know would have.
I of course said nothing concerning it all and treated them with warmth and comfort and was polite at all times. It would take from July 29th, to August 10th 2021 for my wife to pass on. Each stage as her condition worsened I would contact the daughter and sister, and tell them where she was at in her condition, keeping them all informed. I did not tell the daughter to go on vacation with her children when she did, we even recommended between myself and my sister that she should be here for her mother. Instead she packed up her kids and took a vacation. Leaving her mother to myself and my sister to care for till she passed. Why I have no idea, but it happened!
When my wife passed on August 10th, at 6:20 pm. I did as instructed by the Hospice Nurses, I called them. Then, I called the daughter and notified her, her mom had passed. Now let me say this, when my parents died in 1990 and 1991, all of us, and there were four alive, were present. We didn’t go on vacations, or events or anything else, we were there for both. Sadly, I guess you may say, not all handle it, the same way we did. So in the end, my wife’s daughter and her grandchildren missed her passing and the daughter showed up after the fact to say goodbye.
Once my wife was picked up and taken away from her home to be readied,for burial, I had only my sister to help me through it all, God Bless her for that. I struggled as day after day and time after time the daughter called on arrangements for her burial and what she thought my wife wanted. I refused a wake, a Funeral Home Ceremony and I decided as my wife had requested to follow her wishes. She always told me, no big show, no big act keep it simple so I did. We got her cremated as she wanted, and an Urn, then, buried her next to her son as she wished in a simple, peaceful graveside ceremony. I bought her a headstone for the two of us so I may join her beside her when I pass too.
Let me tell you all something, if I had known what was coming next I would have disappeared from life itself. I had no idea the sister and daughter would work overtime on a list of items they wanted from my house. But they did just that. Then they had the gall, to put it to me in text to my cell phone. I was upset, flabbergasted, and in the end shocked. here my wife was not even gone much and I had to fight with her daughter over entry into my home, sad.
I honestly don’t know if it was greed, it was ignorance, or selfishness on the sister’s and daughter’s parts to demand such things, but they did. I tried to navigate it all and carry on the best I could at the time. We set up estate sales and sold all we could and I requested the daughter not come for emotional reasons, so what did she do, she sent her 18 year old daughter to come look at it all and report back to her. Sadly the granddaughter had an emotionally hard time through it all and it was what I was trying to avoid for all of us. My question is simple, you gave presents to my wife when she was alive and over the years and when she died you wanted them all back, why? I have never seen anyone ask for this stuff before in my 65 years of life, it was in my mind and heart a cold, calculated, greedy and selfish act on their parts. I just shake my head at it all.
Now it is 96 days since my wife was buried. After I started cleaning the house out I put aside all I thought the daughter and her sister should have of her life. I then arranged for the daughter to come get it all, and I refused to see her when I did. My anger and emotions were raging as I saw her load her trailer she pulled in with and left. In the end I find it disgusting and sad what she did and haw she acted, during it all. Now having given all I could to them, I have not heard a word from the daughter, the grandkids, or her sister. No one has bothered to call me, see how I am doing, or just to say thank you for all I did for my wife or them. It is like I didn’t exist at all and total silence. I remind them now and here, your mother, you sister, your grandmother did not have money. The money you grandkids got for your education came from me, the presents over the years came from me, my wallet, my money. She had no money at all, I provided for her, for you too. I guess that doesn’t matter and you very ungrateful in my opinion. Now I am closing in on selling the home we shared, and moving on. I have no reason without my wife to keep the house we lived in, alone. I can’t do a damn thing with a house with four bedrooms and three and a half bathrooms and an apartment and two car garage. So it is time to sell it all and move on and keep my memories to myself.
I hope if the daughter, or grandkids or sister and their families read this, it will give them a perspective and view from my side of all of this. I hope they know, I don’t hate them, or wish them ill will, but I did not agree with how they acted, treated me, and reacted to my wife’s death, with greed and selfishness.