As time goes on, and I am alone in my thoughts, my mind will always drift back to my days with my deceased wife. The laughter, the cuddling, the living in peace and how we avoided any fights, and how each of us fond ways to compromise, and make it all work. No relationship between partners, whether in marriage or just a daily relationship can last without compromise on one or the others part. No compromise, no continuing relationship, period, until both realize that any relationship is in trouble. MY wife and I, learned it early on and we backed one another in everything we did and we stayed by one another right till the moment of her death.
Well, anyway, as time rolls on, being a widower is no fun folks. The danger for me is the loneliness factor. I need to socialize and be around people. The human species is built on interaction between all of us. Mankind is not an island for each of us alone, it is a world with all of us interacting to survive.
In my life I spent much of my youth and teen years running or moving from one place to another and helping others. Yet in the end I received in return many lessons, much comfort and caring form those I friended and who friended me. I had mostly surrogate parents growing up when I hit my teens at age fourteen. People who allowed me to become a part of their families, who I am still close with in many ways over 50 years later. I had families like the Johnson family, the Geer family and places I could go to to be me and have fun. I am proud of the fact at 65 years old I still have some of those friends today. I think in life as we go along, we tend to gravitate today people we like or respect, or both and make friends and keep them for those same reasons. As I aged and grew, I found something about myself out too,I like long term relationships and I don’t normally walk away from them, unless forced.
Loves I have had, and one who I wished I had, for me, are fewer than some would expect from me. IN High School I had only one girlfriend. When that ended, I moved on and stayed alone by myself. When I left home to join the Navy, I was still single and on my own till my met my first wife. That relationship lasted 12 years before she asked for a divorce she still regrets till this day I am sure. When, that happened then I met my second wife who I will love till I die, but who has left me a widower now. So there you have the official version of my love life at 65 years old, lol! I know other men who date many, try many relationships and failed and keep trying, myself, I won’t pursue a woman unless I am really attracted to her personality. But, hey to each their own right?
Anyway, it is now, November 28, 2021. My wife has been gone since August 10th, 2021 now. The days and nights have passed slowly since her death. I will indeed miss her for the rest of my life! Yet I know I am here and she is gone and I must survive and carry on till it is my time to join her. Will life and fate and destiny allow me to find another woman to care for, be a companion to and to enjoy good times again, I don’t know, but time shall tell. I just know in order for myself to survive I need companionship, I need someone I can talk to, dance with, and cook with too if necessary or for fun. To cuddle with and watch movies or just play music and relax with, at home. All, I can do right now is hope it happens and I refuse to rush anything, but my life is getting shorter by the day in and of itself.
I remember in my teens, I always thought I would be gone by the age of forty, now I am 65 and still here it is a miracle to me. For I overcame so much in my life to still be alive today. I know I can only do one thing and that is take, life, one day at a time and try to make it as interesting, comfortable and busy as I can, and look forward,not back. The Good Lord, allows use to face one day at a time and the time we need here in that way and he determines how long we are to be on this planet. God Bless all.