Morning world! It is Christmas Eve morning here where I am now and snow has begun to fall and cover the ground. Yes, the snow wauted till Christmas Eve, morning to come and is slowly covering the ground in a simple white coating making it look new and fresh to see.
Well, As Christmas 2021, is now underway, I hope all got their shopping done way before today. The stores will be full I am sure with last minute shoppers as they abound. The sounds of excitement will be in the air, and people will laugh and cheer, Christmas Carols will be heard everywhere. Christmas is a special time of year for all of us in one way or another. Some belive in it’s religious meaning and attend church, others just believeib it being a time of giving and receiving. But, to all it isa special time to gather with family and dfriends and to be merry each year once again.
Every year I have seen the first snowfall come, where ever I may be, and I see it as a refreshing of the land we live in and the world as a whole. It is like the planet is being washed and changed, to be fresh for the new year that comes. That feeling of newness and freshness that you can’t find in any other way.
Now, as the Holidays begin, I know I must keep moving forward with my life. I have no choice, for I am here and alive still. The memories wll come back to me, of the time I spent with my wife, who poassed, They may make me cry, they may make me sigh, and in the end ask one question, why? As my heart and mind flips through the memories of 28 years with my wife, asa widower I have emotions I must fight. Knowing, there will never be a bringing her back, I must carryon forward, for me.
Is life supposed to be this way, I have no idea on this Christmas Eve day. I just know I am here, and I am alive, so I must carry on to stay alive. Next up is to find a place to live of course. The home in Connecticut is up for sale, and I search in Massachuetts for a new place to live. I want ot buy my own condo if I can, but if I can’t get there, I will rent something, if necessary. All depends on house sale and conditions.
Ok, enough, with emotional stuff! Lets talk being a widower now. Being a widower is no fun for anyone believe me, especially me. I always had my wife with me no matter where I go, now I don’t. Now before anyone attempts to judge me, condemn me or any other damn thing out there, let me say this. My wife and I were married for 28 years together, before she died of cancer. For the last 16 years, we struggled and fought her cancer and my own in the middleof it all. Some want to believe, that my wife’s passing was too fast and sudden, that is a lie. When you live with a dying cancer patient you will know, they don’t go fast or sudden, they go slowly and that is what happened with my wife. Sixteen years I helped her through, prolonging her life each day through. So to those who think her passing was fast or sudden you are wrong!
Now it is four months since I buried my wife, and I now must get on with my life, I need laughter, I need fun, I need companionship and more to carryon. I can’t keep grieving, I can’t keep crying or stumbling over memories bygone. I am still here and alive and i need to live my life as well and happy as I can. I plan on doing just that now, as my Doctor told me, I did all I could for my wife and it is tme to do for me. Time for me to live thebest I can.
These thoughts go through me each day and night and I still survive so I know I am right!
To those I love and those I know, I say Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and a big Ho, Ho, Ho!
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