Onward toward 2022


Ok I awoke at 3 am today and still I can’t kick this hacking cough I have. It seems like I have had it now at least 5 days as of today. I don’t have a runny nose, or a fevor, just a tickle in my throat that makes me hack. I hate being sick in anyway, especially with the fear I have right now, from a prior case of lung cancer.

What ever it is is settled into my throat area, for that is the only main symprom I have of anything, and of course the cough itself. So, I am thinking it isn’t covid-19, for I have two pfiezer shots and a booster too. I should be protected from Covid-19 at this stage.

Time shall tell for sure, I know, but if I am not getting worse, it should mean it’s a nasty cold holding on to me. I only wish it would break and let go so I can stop hacking like i am periododily.

I do know if I get a fevor or I get diarria or the shakes or something, I will go to a Doctor or Hospital. I am in that category of having other medical problems to watch and to care for too. Hopefully, I will be fine, but who the hell knows for sure, in this day and age with so many covid variants out there in society and so many who refuse to wear masks of any kind.

I have been doing ok otherwise, I still go day by day since my wifre died in Aigust of 2021. I miss her of course, but I am slowly realizing there is no way to bring her back, and that I will never see her again. Each day is a mystery to me, for I know the Good Lord is keeping me on this planet for some reason.

I do home searches daily, online, hoping to find something I can live in comfortably and I can afford. The home in Connecticut is emptied now and in the end it shall sell at some point, I am sure. I may have to lower the selling peice a bit, but hey, it does have to go.

Since all I have is myself to care for I am looking at all options and hoping to find one. I am considering a condo or a mobile/manufacturd home at this point, I figure I need around 1200 sq, ft for room and a parking spot at least. I need a kitchen, a eat in, a living room, a small office, and at least one good sized bedroom. I want a clean, neat place, that I dont have to kill myself in to maintain for myself.

In the meantime, time is marching on now, as we head to the New Year of 2022 soon enough. I am hoping the new year will bring me luck in selling the house and in settling into something new in Massachuttes. All takes a little time I know.

Socially speaking I am still a little awkward and lost and of course shy in ways I never was before. I don’t want to rush into anything right now, but, I have run across some who are really nice women. Yet I know I must pay attention to many factors concerning that part. I am older, then most and being a 65 year old widower is not easy, and I get sometimes get scared and hide in many ways.

My writing still continues at least as far as blogs and poetry goes. I write them down and post them and then I always save some for myself. It’s a process I know how to do, in my own way.

As the covid virus is out there in many variants now, I have a cold myself that is causing me coughing and hacking. So I only go out to go to the stores for food or as absolutely necessary. I want the damn cough to disappear as soon as possible now, I am tired of it. All I have is in my throat it seems, it seems to be a sinsus drain problem right now, that is tickling my throat causing the damn cough.

So, I rest and stay home all I can and hope it shall break soon enough. I am sure I don’t have any other symptoms at this stage,I believe it is some kind of cold not covid, but I am being cautious and careful.

As I am in transition to a new state and a new life, since the passing of my wife, I go slowly and tried to be careful in all I do.

Hopefully 2022 will be better than 2021 has been for me, I lost the whole spring and summer of 2021 to my wife’s cancer and her departure from life. I stayed, I cared for her, I buried her in the end and by the time it was over it was a rough 6 to 7 months of one thing after another. Yet I did it right in my opinion and I will never regret how I did it. I gave my wife a graveside burial she wanted with no fuss or production and I even had the gravestone done and placed.

Now I must start the transition fully from Connecticut to Massachuetts. I am looking more seriously at finding a home as needed, and will have to transfer all my banking here and my funds too, to survive properly.

Means a long process when I am done to make it all official and so I can get to live on my own without being a burden to my sister and her boyfriend here. I have looked at some condos some I believe which are too expensive for me, and others that are not, but small. Then on the other hand it is just me, so doI need a condo, or will a mobile/manufactured home do me? I don’t know as of yet for in each case there is a plus or minus to them. Time shall tell, I just know I am not interested in a regular home where I must cut grass and shovel snow or anything else. At 65 I did enough of that stuff for 28 years of my marriage, it’s now time for me, to just live peacefully.

As 2021 rushes towards it’s closing and 2022 peaks over the horizon, I miss my wife who passed of course, but, in my case I spent 16 years watching her disappear on me, to cancer. Yes , her passing was a shock, yes I saw it coming way before it happened, didn’t make it any easier to accept thats for sure. But, it did make me know, I knew she was departing ahead of time and it cushioned the blow somewhat for me. God Bless her now, for she deserves to rest in peace and I hope God will care for, in all ways and let her rest without pain.

To all who know me, I hope and pray I can go on alone and will try my damnest to do so. How far I , will depend on health conditions, medication and where I live and who I know. So, as what other wodowers and widows now have told me pertains, we go on because we must and we must take it all day by day!. I hope the good Lord blesses me with many new years to come, but I will not hold my breath for anything, I am alive and must do, what I can, while here still. So, to All I know I wish each and everyone a Happy New Year to Come, in 2022, hopefull I shall see you all around.

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