Hello January 18th 2022, I awoke early again today around 4 am, why I don’t know except I was cold. So by 5 am I was up making coffee and starting my day. I know I will go nap a bit later, no real choice, my body will make me. It’s hard when your going on 66, and have maladies like I do to sleep these days. I have sleep apenea, I have six herniated discs, on off depression since my wife passed. Yet here i am still alive, and it is hard to believe.
Anyway, it took me nearly a month now to overcome pneumonia, I got around Christmas of 2021. MY body was wracked with coughing and more, until I finally got to a Va Hospital to be seen, and got meds for it all. Luckily, they helped but took time to beat it in me. I am still not 100 percent, but I would say 95%, is better than what I was.
As time goes on since my wife’s passing, I realize how much I miss her each day. It wasn’t the cleaning she did, I did that, it wasn’t the washing of my clothes or anything else. It was our companionship, our talking, our conversations. Our interaction were all discussions over our final years together. In the end, what we had was comfortable, conversational, helpful and honest with one another, and I thank God for every day I had with my wife. For we may not have seen eye to eye on everything we said or did, but we always worked it out, compromised and had each other through thick and thin for 28 years.
Anyway, onward and upwards now. My wife used to tell me and everyone she could, I was a realist, and she was right of course. I am a realist folks, I learn to accept what is here and I learn to live and adopt to current circumstances because in life you have no real choice. Reality is a kicker folks, it bites you in the ass no matter what and makes you make choices to survive. That my friends is the honest truth for all mankind and this planet we live on.
As a human being and a man, what do I seek in the rest of my life is always a question I must face now. I have to go on till I die, I have to find a place for me to live yet be comfortable and have things to do once more. I can’t sit and do absolutely nothing, I have put so much on hold since my wife’s passing and I am pushing now to move on. The house must go and I am adapting to what must be to make it so. I check to see e-mail regarding it and what people say when seeing it up for sale daily. I have no use for a big four bedroom house with an apartment and a two car garage now. I never really did, I bought it only because my wife wanted it and she wanted to rent rooms to everyone to pay it off, well we did that for twenty year, I believe. No reason now to do so anymore, I am alone.
I search for a new home in a new state and hope i can sell the old one soon. I tire of paying the bills for it each month, when it should be gone. But, alas, it was our home, it is paid off and I want something out of it, so I can get a new place soon.
Well, enough of that story for I am sure all now know it who read this blog. I have been reading about writing, a book from Stephen King he put out. He has an interesting view on writing and some great advice in it if you want to write at all yourself. One thing I will say about writing the story of you, have to be depressed or lonely or an alcoholic or drug addict to do so is wrong. In my book, writing is bleeding your soul on to a page single spaced at a time and living vocariously off the characters and stories you tell. The same can be said of poetry, the best poems ever written come from emotions locked deep inside people, for they reveal what makes them really work.
Writers are a different breed in their own right, for we tend to hold in more than we let out most of the time, and when we let it out people go wow thats great, or nicely done, or that sucks, and we never really know for sure how others will accept what we wrote, some love it, some hate it and some are just totally indifferent regarding it all. It is amazing really in and of it’s own process writing, for you must not only express what you want in written word, but you must make it comprehensable to others at all times. To convey emotions, actions, thoughts and link them in a full story, is not easy and many are so much better than I at it. Yet, I do understand the process and admire it, and attempt it myself. Not, that I am great at it, just that I do attempt it is all and I use it for my own purposes of course like any writer or person would.
Is writing a craft or is it an art work? Is it a dailience, or it a job, and how many people can really do it, well the numbers can be daunting, if your doing it to be heard. But, you can do it, if you understand the english language, grammer and formats needed. The hardest part is not overusing the same phrase, words, all the time. So I think you have to avoid some thing like overuse of the same words, overuse of adverbs, or nouns you don’t really need. But hey I am not a pro writer, if you want to see some great writing read Poe’s poems, or Jack London, or Stephen King or John Grisham, or the lady who did all the Harry Potter stories. Doris Kearns Goodwin who did Lincoln is probally one of the best to ever hit the world. Her words convey in a grand fashion and in detail too. I love her work.
As to my writing, I have dropped trying to make up stories these days, or to put them into book form, because basicaly I have trouble on concentration, and follow through. I though of trying to write scripts, and decided it wasn’t my thing for dialougue is not what I do best.
So, I ended up, just doing what I do, some poems here and there, just as things hit me. No I don’t do sing a long types, they don’t sing along in verse and sound pretty or sweet but they do convey whats inside of me at times.
Here is an example:
Seeking Truth
William M.McCurrach- January 17th, 2022
The truth in life can be a scare,
Truth in life is everywhere.
Wishes and dreams can never compare to the truth,
That is really out there.
We search for honesty, we search for caring,
We search for someone who is capable of sharing.
Looking for a person who can compromise, who will not,
Feed us with lies.
Finding is not easy, it’s a search we all do,
But is there really compassion, compromise, and sharing in you?
Is there a way to find what you seek for a companion, a love out there,
Without getting hurt, scared or being in fear?
We all grow older, we all grow smarter it does seem,
But some of us grow callous and mean.
We grow a scab over past pains and hurts,
And we don’t realize we wear them like a shirt.
We hide what we feel most, some of us you see,
Will never say what we feel,
Are you like me?
Do you fear being heard, because you are too tired,
And do not want embarrassment, humiliation or pain?
If that is true for you, do not feel bad.
Do not feel sad and know you are not alone,
For Truth wins out my friends, in the end,
And is like a hard bone.
Truth is everywhere if you search for it,
Never forget, you don’t have to settle for lies,
For that is bullshit!
We hide feelings and thoughts deep inside,
We do it out of fear or out shame,
In the end, we are the only one to blame.
Seek the truth and you shall find happiness and joy in your heart and mind.
A seond example is another I wrote;
Stunning Woman
The room was dusky and not bright,The Music was loud and not always right,
The company was fun and to get it done,Yes I continued to hang on.I stood alone on my own and watched the people go by,
So many faces in such small spaces.And you could see their feelings on their faces
.The music came on and the people began to sing,In you walked and the oh and ahs and sighs, began
.Yes indeed a stunning woman you be.
A stunning woman who knows not what she is,
A woman who is au naturale,
Yes your a stunning woman and do not know
Yes Stunning to me is what you be,You take my brerath away,
I know you would never see me, I know you are, on a higher level than I,
Yet no matter where I be, When you walk in you are stunning to me.
A stunning woman of beauty and smiles,
A stunning woman who is herself,
Thats special, you stunning woman believe me
Your just stunning and special to see
I know someday a man will come,
He may be handsome, He may be strong,He will scoop you up and take you away.
I hope he makes you happy and gay, and he makes you content each night and day
.A woman with a smile and style and so stunning
Yes the men will come running!
Just be you and you shall be fine,
Don’t pay attention to those who don’t treat you right,
Be the stunning woman you are, and you shall win the fight,
You will find your happiness one night
Oh Stunning Womannnnnnnnnnn!
Each time I write a poem does not mean I am chasing a woman, trying to impress anyone or trying to get famous, it just means I felt something inside me and I let it out in the best way I know how. So, When writing anything please remember one thing be true to the thought, emotions you are feeling, you can edit later let it out first, and then do corrections or rewrites or changes, Just my advice is all. Each piece you write, whether an article, a blog, a poem, a story or even a letter to someone, is important to you as aperson to say and second important for others to hera and read if it applies to them. Nothing is unimportant to say or express. Remember one thing, we are not remembered once we are gone, for the money we have, the material possessions we have, but for how we interact with others, treat all with respect, try to be kind and if you don’t like someone, do what I do walk away and let them be. It respectful number one and numbers two it avoids fights and confrontations.
Macattack56's Blog 