New Day, and Thoughts

As the days pass, and the year of 2022 gets going, I have to stop and wonder at times, how much longer I have left in this world. At 66 years old, and now a widower after 28 years of being with my wife, I sometimes believe the loneliness will get me. I came close to committing suicide when she died and if it were not for the Veteran’s Hospital, well, you get my idea. Depression hit me and I was lost and wondering how I could join my wife. I called the Veterans Crisis LIne and they talked me into going in for care. It was a long ten days of trying to climb out of my depression and to finding help on the outside too. My sister stepped up and took me in and has helped me survive the last 6 months now and I am very grateful to her and her man.

Today, I am selling the home and hope to close on it in March, once that happens it will be finding a home and securing one for myself. I have looked at brand new Condos, which interest me, big time, in a 55 plus community. It’s clean, neat and no yard work of any kind, no snow removal to do or grass to cut period. Just live in your condo, clean it, and come and go as one wants.I think it would be best for me to do at this time, it has a community center, and more on the property residents can use and most seem very friendly to people looking at them.

I will have to furnish it all, and set it up when I do buy it and close it. It will be a task for me, to pick out my own furniture for an office, a kitchen island, a small dining area and living room and of course the bedroom. Small things will have to be done also. Even may need a small wicker set of furniture for the deck. Some rugs for the living room and bathroom floors of course too. It comes with all appliances except a refrigerator, so the washer and dryer is in it brand new.

All of the above will keep my mind busy at least till I settle in somewhere. At times in go backwards and get down and depressed, and at other times I am fine, it is like a roller coaster of emotions, and I hide them the best I can, from anyone I see. Trying to stay stable, do what I can and get it done is not easy, so, I carry on through it all.

Memories, affect me and they come and go and I have to deal with them when they do. I had so many good years with my wife, and we shared all together. I miss her companionship, her knowledge, her laughter, and so much more. It’s like her passing left a large hole in me and it will take a long time to heal and patch myself together fully again. I see and meet people, who are couples and are younger than I and they have someone. And I think how lucky they are and how alone I am these days. It’s not the same to live without the one you loved so much and among others you love but, are not as close to. Family is important to me and I love mysister andher man, and I appreciate all they are doing for me and have. Yet, I miss all the things my one on one with my wife brought me.

I have always said, since I was a child, The only one who can mess with Mother Nature is Father Time and they have been in a constant war forever. But the ying and yang of such a relationship between man and woman when married, is almost the same. The open communication, the trust, the loyalty, the commitment and the compromising all exists for all to live well. It works between Father Time and Mother Nature in the same fashion as between a husband and wife. I will always remember my time with my wife and all we went through, she was a very special person to me.

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