Well, April of 2022 is here and I am now alone again, in a new location on my own. After 28 years of being with the same woman, and living in a big home I am now in a condominium. The downsizing from a 4500 sq. foot home to a condo of 956 sq ft, wasn’t easy, but, it is done now.
I am sometimes regretful of making the move, even though it is highly logical to do. There was no way I could keep a four bedroom home by myself. The only thing is, in a new state and location as I am now, I know no one around me at all and have no idea what to do, for fun or adventure.
So I watch television and play video games and use my laptop to chat online. It has been one of those things really, hard to understand unless you are living it I guess. I know all move many times in their lives, so the moving is normal, but the hardest thing to do as you age is starting over without the one you loved for so long. Now, I also have to transfer all my medical to the Veteran’s Administration up here in Mass also. So will be appointments and more to go to next. As I await the final part of moving, final deliveries of items I need and bought too. My life is completely different here, and at times extremely lonely also. I am basically a loner actually, but, social interaction is important even to me.
When you reach 66, you begin to feel it and your age starts to show. You slow down, do less and just want peace and quiet it seems. Yet as you do you don’t want to totally isolate yourself or do nothing at all. Keeping active is important to living. I try to participate in events held in the Community Center here just to be around people and have some fun. I walk some if I can if the weather is right and not too cold. As to places to go I have no idea around here, I am sure somewhere there must be events or places for people my age to go to, I just haven’t found any as of yet. The days march on, and the nights come and go and my sleep patterns are messed up. I think of my deceased wife daily, when I wake up and wish she were here with me. Yet, I know the Good Lord took her, so she would suffer no more. Cancer is a nasty disease and it kills without any reprieve for those who have it. I just thank god, I have 28 years with the woman I loved so much.
What do I do next with myself? Well, I need to settle in more where I live in this 55 plus community and set up paying my bills as needed. Certain things need completed for me and I do a little each day it seems. Once all I have bought for my condo gets in place I think it will be setting up a daily routine for myself, next. I will have to set up what to do on a daily basis as to exercise i think, walking and how far. Social events here in The condo community too. Doctor appointments of course will be involved. If iI can find things to do, and people to get along with and make new friends I stand a chance, if not well who knows how long I will last alone, I don’t.
I don’t fear death, or dying really, for as I see it, it is an eternal rest we all will face and it is normal for all of us. If I were to die tomorrow, I doubt anyone would care really, I have lived 66 years now and in the end I have learned we all live our own lives and we all do so differently, why, because no two human beings are the same. Our lives are driven by who we are, nothing more and personal preferences and ideas drive us to how we live it, as well as the experiences we gather along the way. Do I regret any decisions i made in my life that are major for me, no, I did all I could to survive, and to make my life and those around me easier and more comfortable. My biggest fear as I go forward is that I become a burden or bother to others, I don’t want that period. In my case as I see it, I have given to others in service of one kind or another, and I have nothing much left to give now. I can feel my life slowly winding down since my wife passed last August. I can’t change it of course, I can just deal with it daily. As I have said many times before to many people before, one day at a time, one moment at a time is all any of us can do, so I do so, the best way I know how.
So, as I go forward now. I just hope to live a peaceful life and find new friends, hopefully some fun and adventure too. Time shall tell what is really next for me.