Trying to move on after you have lost the one you love is not as easy as some may think it is. I wake up each morning thinking of her and go to sleep not knowing when I may join her. It is like an endless cycle as I try to move on after her passing, so during the day I try to find things to make me forget and have some fun.
I wish to God life could be easier for me, and that I can find someone new to share life with once more, but when you reach 66 like me, you get stuck in certain patterns and ways. That is what happens when you spend 28 years with the same lover, friend, confident. It is just a fact folks, we adapt so well to those we love and care about, taht when you lose them and they pass, you become lost on your own. Moving on after a loss of someone you were married to and loved dearly is not easy, for you look for certain qualities and things they had no one else has, at all each day.
I am beginning to realize, there are somethings you can’t replace and some people too. I have to realize I must let go and move on and hope to find someone else. Memories are good folks and we all have them and we all hang on to them as we move through life. Sometimes it is good, sometimes it is bad to do. i am 66 years old now, and I am realizing at some point, I must start anew and hope I can find a new friend, a new lover and a new confident ,all in one again. It is not easy to do, because you tend to look for the same qualities your passed loved one had, in someone new.
I am beginning to realize, I won’t find someone easy now, the conditions were different and the time has changed and so have the circumstances. So, one has to learn to adjust they say, soI am trying to be more open, look online and in day to day, without pushing or trying too hard. I once told an old friend of mine, stop pushing and trying so hard, just be yourself, have fun and the women will find you. When you push too hard in attempting to find a partner it shows as being forced and you don’t win that way. women sense when you not yourself and they feel the uneasiness and walk away. It worked when i told him that, he found women coming to him then, but the time shave changed and being retired basically, puts me at a disadvantage in finding a new woman in my life.
I am not young like before, my energy is less qand my interests are few these days. Yet I do like to cook, read, play games, even dance. I do like computers and movies and television and wish I had someone to cuddle up to now and then. I guess you can say I am in the fall of life so to say, I don’t need much, just someone I can share life with and go from there. Is that asking for too much? I hope not!
I have a new condo, a new car, new furniture and a lonely life i now live. I walk a lot and explore malls and outdoors, enjoying the fresh air. I may buy a fishing pole and some equipment just to sit on the lake and fish some for fun and to relax. In my younger days it was a favorite of mine to do. I may just go back to it once more. I like building puzzles too, so who knows, but I have to find a way to keep myself busy and entertained.
I left behind the home and sold it once my wife passed and used the money for what I have now. I am in a new State- Massachusetts, in a new area Westborough and trying to find my way around and meet people once more. I am not a bar type really, I am not into standing or sitting around and drinking and getting drunk, sorry. I would rather go eat, see a movie, walk, or play a game or something. The mind they say is a terrible thing to waste, I agree with them.
Anyway a new day has dawned, my eyes have opened once more, I am still alive and kicking so I wil find something to do even if it is just do my laundry, cook or clean my home I live in now. I may go to a book store and have coffee, or walk the mall near me. You may see this old sailor in my hat, just chugging along as I walk, but at least I am trying.