A little advice about relationships!

I have found in my 66 years of life that different chapters of it close off or change for different reasons. The reasons I have found are simple yet exist for all of us regardless of the sex we are male or female.

Chapters change or periods of our lives change due to things like, moves, distances, lies, and actions others know they should not make but do anyway. Honesty, and open communication is key in each case, unless you move for reasons of your own choice, or you are dishonest or a phoney using someone for some reason of your own and hiding it.

I have seen relationships go up in smoke because of lies, because of cheating, because of lack of communication and most of all because some people get into relationships for the wrong reasons, or they basically lie and are using someone for their own purposes.

I have seen the trophy wife/ girlfriend bit. I have seen the dishonest bit, and the lying bit too. Or the false presentation bit, where the person presents themselves as one thing when they are another and they are found out sooner or later. I have seen people drift apart, not communicate, not have the same likes or needs, and so much more. Sexual incapabilities, or needs come into play also. It seems to me, some people need to find some basics if they ever need to keep a relationship going.

Some basic rules should include the following, 1) Honesty, 2) Trust, 3) Open communication, 4) Loyalty, 5) Self control of ones emotions and temper.. Anger kills, lies kill, distrust and not spending time with the one you are supposed to. When your friends become more important than the one your in the relationship with, it is time to be honest and communicate it and move on from the relationship period.

Women want loyalty, commitment, caring and listening, and open communication, they want honesty. The want to know they are wanted and paid attention to, by the man they are with. If you fail as a man to hold up any of these areas a woman will notice it and the relationship will end if you want it to or not. Some will say I am speaking out my ass, i don’t know what I am saying, but go ask a woman what she seeks most of all, it is companionship, caring, honesty,fidelity, and open communication. A woman will not put up with aman who pushes those she loves away, or her friends and doesn’t accept them. A woman usually is not a bar person, she doesn’t enjoy a tavern or bar unless she is with aman who pays her full attention and a woman likes a respectful place if you take her out. Am I wrong I doubt it, for I have seen too many relationships fail over my lifetime, and these are the failures I have seen that cause it all.

When relationships end, it is usually one partner or the other that fails to keep their side of the bargain so to speak. The one that refuses to compromise or communicate properly loses. What matters most of all is open communication, honesty and mutual respect. What I have seen is one of the three I mention here disappearing and that kills the relationship. If she can’t communicate with her man, a woman shuts down, if you lie to her and she catches you you lose, if you can’t compromise or pay her the attention she needs, no woman stays. Why would they, there are a million men out there, she can run to or be with. Think about it folks, now the same can be said on the other foot too, men feel the same way if they get disrespected, or lied to or ignored. Ignoring the one you are in a relationship with, is the one sign you can bet on, that shows you the relationship is ending. If he or she thinks their friends are more important than you, it is over folks. Get out of the relationship! if they push away your friends and family, it is time to pack your bags folks. Nothing is more important to either sex, then their immediate family members, or old friends they have had, for many years. When you try to isolate someone in this manner you are telling them, you have a reason for doing so they don’t like or want you to know. If they need to isolate you from all, it is time to ask why and move on when they won’t stop it.

Usually, I just advise others in these areas of relationships, and I never have tried t have a relationship since my wife passed last August. Yet I know there things for my forst marriage went 12 years , my second went 28 years. So you may see my point, I learned to compromise, I learned to accept thing and let them go, not just to make her feel better, but to keep the peace because i didn’t want to lose those I loved. Ask anyone in a long term relationship, what keeps them together you will find what I am saying to be correct, honesty, loyalty, open communication, trust, and paying attention to your partner number first or near it all. Financial reasons for staying in a relationship do not work, you can be tied financially to someone, but that is not enough in and of itself. I know I am not Doctor Phil, or a relationship guru of any kind, I am just a man who had long term relationships and made them work, are you? Maybe at some point it is time to sit back and consider the advice given and to realize that what you thought was important, is not, and that what you need to do,is look at the facts and get out, if it is bad.

If you want companionship, and love and caring and your missing something, I would recommend, you reevaluate the relationship, and then move on as needed. There is always someone willing to provide all you need and caring out there, don’t settle and put up with bullshit or head games either, it’s not worth your effort or time. Your better than that, and you owe yourself more than that as a person, period.

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