May 24th, 2022, Amazingly I am still kicking and alive at 66 years old. I thought for sure I would have been gone by 40 years old, with the type of life I lived in my younger days. I of course no longer run the streets of my childhood days, nor do I fight with other men over women anymore, we mature as we age for sure. I was never much of a flirt, nor have I had many relationships with many women over the years, I believe I can count how many there were and they would number less then the ten fingers I have on my two hands.
I never really learned to flirt, and I guess I will never learn to flirt in my lifetime. I always had an old belief, be myself, do what I like and just enjoy life as I go and someone will notice me and it will work out from there. If that works I am fine, if not, I am fine also. While I would like a companion, a friend and confident as a partner in my life I am not desperate to get there, so to say.
I am old fashioned in many ways I guess one would say. Some say I talk too much, others say I am too quiet, depends, on the given situation of course and subjects at hand. Do I socialize, yes sometimes, I play Billiards and I walk a lot, I watch Line Dancing lessons in person for fun, at the Clubhouse here at the Condos I live in. In the meantime I walk a lot, I read a little nowadays the eyes are not as good as they used to be. I am building a puzzle for fun and something to do. I play X-box games, watch ballgames and movies and tv. I cook as needed to eat, and I clean and do my own laundry.
I go to Doctor Appointments as needed and I pay my bills on time to the best of my ability each month. Life is slow here in Westborough actually, and some have advised me, not to get involved with my neighbors or fellow condo owners here. The reason is as one person said to me, never shit in your own backyard people talk. So I stay alone and try to just socialize by doing the Condo activities and walking.
Do I need a woman in my life, well, I don”t need anything really. I would like a woman for companionship, friendship, going out now and then for dinner and maybe dancing or events. There is no desperation for it in me at this time, I laugh, I joke, I wander and I interact as appropriate of course. yet I do miss having someone to cuddle, cook with, and who is a confident and partner in my world. I miss the daily interactions, the laughter, the conversations, the give and take of having a relationship with a woman, who cares for me as i care for her. Yet I shall never rush into anything. Caution is a thing I have at all times, for believe it or not women can destroy just as well as men can and they do it in their own ways. I am not looking for a dependent to take care of, but a woman who can take care of herself, I am no one’s sugar daddy. And I definitely don’t want to be anyone’s ATM or checkbook either. Life has taught me, not to allow hanger-ons and money grubbers or to be taken by cons either, I have learned.
I miss many things my deceased wife and i had together. The Companionship and ability to advise and help one another, the ying and the yang of it so to speak. The laughter the jokes, the quiet conversations, the cuddling and having someone to sleep with too. The normal everyday interactions of doing things for someone because you love and care for them, so to say. I am 66 years old now, and even if I miss these things, I know better than to rush in, for like Elvis said in his song, Only Fools Rush In.
So what do I do next in my life, for I do not know how much time i have left for sure, none of ys do. We wake up each day and see the world and we sleep each night in peace if we can. That is all we can expect in life is to have a home, a place to sleep and eat, clothing and the ability to interact with others is it not? I think so, so that is what I attempt to do daily.
Let me say this for all who doubt me, or laugh at me when I speak of relationships, or how I think on them. I was married, the first time for 12 years and had two daughters. I was married and with the same woman the second time for 28 years, and at no time did I flirt with them at all or any other woman, I don’t know how to flirt never did and probably never will either. I did ask them to dance, I did buy them a meal. But we gravitated to one another for we admired each other, not because we were rich, or chasing each other. So I guess, what I am trying to say is simple, I don’t chase women period. I talk to them, I joke with them, I interact with them, but I am not running around trying to jump their bones or get in their beds or pants. Never have, what happens, happens is how I look at it and is no one’s business except my own or whoever I am with. Sex is not my primary concern these days, I am older. Period.
I am not a drinker, I drink socially and I use light drink like Seagrams Escapes. 5 percent alcohol folks, lite, easy, tasty and refreshing one at a time, is all and never more than two so I do not get drunk. I don’t smoke, gave up cigarettes many years ago before I got lung cancer and i overcame lung cancer in 2013. I was lucky I had good doctors who saved my life. So in a basket I am decently educated with an Associates Degree, and knowledgeable from my lifetime, and my service time in three different branches that I served in. Yes i said three, I started in The US. Army, and then went to National Guard and then the Us Navy before i was done after 16 years and injured on duty and discharged Honorably under Medical Conditions. Do I hurt from my injuries yes, do I cry about them no. Am I able to walk and look normal as i do, yes. So, I put up with my injuries and I live as close to normal as i can, period.
Now, do I have regrets, I think all human beings have regrets in their lives. Don’t we all? Some f us regret our childhoods, some ou=r teenage years and some our times when we were foolish or stupid in life. Some of us regret our actions, agaionst others and those we loved, and some of us regret missed loves or possibilities that could have happened in our lives and could have made major differences, like going down a different road you know, bad turns or wrong ones. Thats what life is about folks, and yes sometimes i look back on life and my life in particular and go I should have said something, I should have done something different, what a change it would have made. But in the end the truth is you can’t change anything once the time slips by, so you learn to live with it all, dont you.
As the world spins today with wars going on, politics going crazy, the economy out of whack and more, you just have to learn to live with it, deal with it and do the best you can to survive. For that is what life is about is it not? In the end we all end up going back to our maker, and that is an inescapable conclusion to life. Old saying said you can escape taxes and death, it’s very true folks.
In conclusion today, let me say this for all, who read this. I am not sad, I am not sorry, I am not depressed, I am not glad, or happy, I am existing and making the best of what is here before me. Isn’t that what all of us should do as life goes on for us, take care of ourselves, don’t harm or hurt anyone else, and enjoy the time we have on this planet it passes far too quickly for anything else.