Hello all! It is Friday November 11th, 2022. When I stop and think of how it is to live as a single person, after a long marriage and life with a partner and lover of 28 years, I sometimes wonder, why people do not understand, in reality, what it really takes to make a relationship work that long.
I try at times to advise others, in how to have a relationship that works, and some get it and some don’t. It is important to start at the beggining when talking relationships. When I say beggining, I mean when you are still single and roaming around, hoping to find someone to be with.
I make this point for a good reason. Do yourself a favor, whether you are male, or female, understand yourself first, before venturing out to meet someone else. Find yourself, as a person, what do you like to do, what are your real likes, and dislikes. I say this because, in order to like someone else, you must first like yourself in all ways. You must be able to care for yourself, keep yourself going, laugh and have fun on your own too. So, take a good long look at yourself first, are you, an introvert or an extrovert? Do you like sports, books,writing, walking etc. I say this because as a single person, what you like and what hobbies are, drives you and can get you noticed by others. Once you know yourself, you grow to learn what it take for someoneelse to like themselves too.
Now, you are self-suffiecient, know what you like to do, and happy at doing it, that is when you can be yourself and find a partner for a relationship, but, I remind all, it is the only way it will happen for you. As i say, like yourself first and foremost. If you don’t like yourself, you will never like anyone else.
Now, let me say this, men and women do not think the same way, about finding someone for a relationship. They are not looking for the samethings. We are run on different systems as men and women, so to say. Yes, both sexes, look for certain things in common, looks, cleanliness, kindness, then not everyone is attracted to each other, otherwise it would be widely easy to find a partner, it isn’t.
Men and women both look for who they are attracted to yes. Women and men do not look at age differences the same. Age does come into play, for most, you want someone in your preferred age range I agree, for most it is 5 years younger or five years older. Then, for what reason, do you want a partner ,comes into play!.
Do you want someone to share your life? If you do, you must understand women run more on emotions and men on common sense and logic. I am not saying men can not be emotional, or women lack common sense here, I am saying, that they look at relationships differently from those points of view.
So, look for compatability after you look at who you are attracted to. Look for open communication. Look for honesty, truthfullness, and be careful of selfish people, who only want for themselves. Selfness is a killer in all ways folks. Means if your in a relationship and all the person you are with talks about is themselves, what they want, not what you both want, time to re-evaluate!
Communicate openly, honestly, people look at hygine, we do not associate with slovenly people. People do not like impolite or rude people either. Learn manners folks. If your a man learn to not only communicate well when you speak, but, learn the biggest lesson of all, listen folks. Listen to what the person you are interested in is saying, not what you want to hear, but, what they are really saying. Stop, hearing what you want to hear, and listen to what the other person really is saying, take the translators off. We are all guilty of not listening well, when I say well, I mean don’t throw your own filters on what people say, be open, listen fully.
Be open to who you are with, and women have things they expect from us men. Some want us to be in charge, some want us to be 50/50 with them and some women want to be in charge too. Which one you want, makes a large difference here. Everyone whether male or female, no matter age, race, color, or creed, knows whether they want the power to make their own choices and decsions, just keep that in mind as you go through life. Some have no ability to compromise, if someone can not compromise, run the otherway, save yourself the trouble.
So as you start searching, or reaching out and doing what you love to do and have fun doing it, people will notice you and vice versa. It is a natural occurrence in life, we smile at one another, we frown at one another, we laugh, we cry, yes, even men can be emotional too. Being yourself is vital, at all times.
Once in a dating situation we tend to start evaluating one another. Do youself a favor folks, remember all relationships build daily, this is not an instant process. It is an on going process. Do youself a favor don’t think someone owes you something, in a new relationship they don’t. Don’t start asking why are you not helping me, why aren’t you giving me this or that. accept what you get. If it is not enough, and you can’t talk it over honestly, get out, Your expectations may not be met by the person you are dating, if not, talk it out before you dump the relationship, if you don’t you may be sorry later. Women have a process they go throughg after being hurt, men don’t really. Women look for red flags, things that bother them big time, men don’t. men look for is she bossy, is she demanding, is she foolish, os too silly or not intelligent. Women look at, is he capable, is he strong, does he laugh, can he help me, wil he help me, is he polite to me and others,. Women look for manners, in men. Women want men who treat them respectful, be respectful please both sides. If you are not respectfull to one another, get away from each other it is not going to work.
So lets rehash here and maybe next time I will go deeper into relationships. But, it is time to go over important points here.
- Be yourself and like yourself. If you don’t you can’t like anyone else.
- Do what you love and like to do, first and foremost, your are still single.
- As you do what you like someone will notice you sooner or later, let it happen naturally.
- Be polite, use manners, be open to talking to others.
- Listen, to what people say, without filters.
- Be honesty, not rude.
- Open communication is vital
- Compromise must be used and learned
- Do not think you know it all, no one does, be open to learning new things.
- As you go forward and get older, people get set in their ways, you either accept that or don’t. if you don’t move on.
- The biggest clue I can give on top of all of the above is this, do not force anything you do on anyone else, people reject that and will walk away.
- Help others where you can, but remember help only with what you can, don’t overstep.
Ok, above is some advice I give on relationships, to people I like, who ask me what to do at times. Now, let me say this, I am not perfect and I speak and advise only from things I have learned in my life. I am not one hundred percent correct and it may not work for everyone out there. No man or woman is perfect folks, but we try and that is what drives life on earth. At no time, am I saying, follow what I say 100 percent, or I am correct and you are wrong, I am saying these are suggestions about building and finding relationships, I offer. Again, offer is the key here, I am not twisting arms, forcing nothing on anyone else and never would. I hope this advice helps some find good relationships in their lives and helps to make life better for all.
One last thing, I remind all, I have lived through two long relationships in my life. One was 12 years long and ended in divorce, what ended it was simple lackof communication and hiding of one’s past, not mine, The send relationship I live through lasted 28 years, and ended with the passing of my wife. Just in case someone thinks i have no idea on relationships, I wanted to mention this. You may Take the advice or you may not, Take or Leave it Folks! Be well and if you have questions or comments feel free, to leave then here on my blog page, or you may e-mail them to me, at bmccurrach20@gmail.com.
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