December 31st, 2022, the end of the year is here folks and soon enough 2023 shall start, hopefully for all a new year, a new beggining or a restart and new ways to do things again. Hopefullu, those of us who have suffered loss, in one way or another can find a way to move on and enjoy life again. I know today that it is hard to move on from the loss of a loved one, I lost my wife to cancer in 2021, and wish to God she was here today, but she is gone.
I remain alone now 17 months after her passing, stumbling through life, and going day by day, feeling hopeless to find any female companionship of any kind. Most women are nice enough, but I shy from asking them out, or dating anyone, I don’t think any of them would be interested in me at 66 years old. Plus I fear rejection and at times incompatability and being taken for money or used. There is a danger when you get widowed and alone aftyer a long relationship or marriage, so I tend to avoid involvement or approaching any woman. I watch and walk by, I may admire, but, will never approach, it actually makes me uneasy to try, for I feel lost here in a new state and area.
Some have said I should try Dating Apps like Zoosk, or Ourtime or others, I have tried a few and in the end, I got no where so far. It sems to me, I find these dating apps full of phoney profiles, old ones and players or scammers who onoy want money. I find it sad that they don’t make women, who find someone, or who are looking to scam a man leave and take down their profiles. The upkeep is less than I expected. and in the end the cost can hurt a senior persons’ income, if not careful!
Don’t get me wrong folks, I love women, but I try to avoid comparing them to each other or to my deceased wife it is not fair to them in my mind or heart. So, I watch from a far and just mind my own these days, I care for and clean my condo, and my car, do my own cooking and laundry and walk a lot. I walk outdoors here or I walk a mall nearby.
I have taken up bowling which I enjoy in a league here, but that wil end soon enough I believe. I do play pool with some gents here in my condo area, and that is about it for me. My life is not taverns or bars, and although I may go once in a blue moon I do so alone and barely talk to anyone really. I am not your social animal, that many others are. I guess I am like a lone wolf, who is tired of being a lone wolf and stuck in that mode these days, out of fear of rejection or being used. Even lone wolves get tire dof being alone, as to what to do next I have no idea.
As the New Year begins, I do not make resolutions in fact never have like many do. I go day by day and try to live my life to the best I can. I don’t spend money or go crazy at times. I pay my bills and live in my own 956 sq. Feet condo, in sleepy Westborough, Mass. I write books, blogs and poems, and chat onlone for fun. I watch movies and television shows, and keep to myself, yes i laugh, yes I try to have fun, yet I am alone in a world that can be cruel, mean and unreasonable for many reasons or ways. Life shall go on for me, if I die alone well it is then my fate or destiny and no one can control fate or destiny, anymore than Mother Nature can control Father time or vice versa.
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