How long your legacy really will be.

Whats next in life, lets see, I started life and then overcame 99 siezures as a baby, by being dropped on my head at 9 months old. Then, worked my way up in age, with attention deficiet disorder and hyperactivity, having trouble in school and at home.

By, the time I reached 12 years old I had been put into a Institution for Emotionally danaged children and released. I went back to Grammer School and graduated as all the other students stared at me, like i was a freak or outcast.

Then I went on to High School years, where I would not make it through because I was too distracted by too many things. Yet I made friends there and when I did drop out I kept some. I went onto go to work in factories then, working sometimes 80 hours a week. Yet I did not really fit in anywhere, I was like an odd wheel in a square world so to say. Just not one to fit any model or mode that there was.

I left home and went on to join the Army first, then The Army National Guard and finished in The US Navy, for a total service time of 16 years. I had a marriage and two daughters and I did the service for them not for me, until I was injuried. We had homes and two of everything, until I was Discharged Medically under Honorable Conditions. Then that marriage and my daughters were gone one day when my first wife decided she wanted a divorce. I never fought it and I lost my daughters in the process.

Overcoming had by then become a way of life for me, I went thru a very bleak couple of years then, walking the streets and living in a YMCA. Struggling job to jon, meal to meal. I even worked to eat, cleaning resturants and doing dishes. Making menus, I still survived.

I went through the loss of my parents who died each of cancer, in their fifties, when I was in my 30’s. I not only lost my parents I lost my step-father who raised me to it also. I survived and paid my part to bury those who raised me. It’s called life I always have said we do not live for ourselves but fot others.

I continued, and foung a woman, I loved and spent 28 years with, I married her. God Bless her soul, for she passed on me also from cancer and I have never missed aperson more than her. Pretty, smart, able to communicate and always there she was with me. We had two of everything, like my first marriage,except children. I never wanted more children and missed my two daughters until I comtacted them after they reached legal age. Nut, ny then my daughters were not interested inhaving a father, they wanted a piggy bank, a ATM as one of them called me. Well thea ended those rerlationships basically for me, I am nobodys fool nor shall I be used by anyone, in such ways. I love my daughters and their children too, but, I am no fool. I went back to school, at 37 to graduate at 40, and get a Degree. How many do that!

Life continued as i said for me, and my wife too. Then came the sad endings once more for me. First I stood side by side and helped my wife with her breast cancer over 16 years. Doctors, hospitals, chemo, radiation, remission finally. Then I got cancer in the middle, lung cancer almost got me, but I wa slucky, I losta lone and a third of my right lung but survived. Then my wife’s cancer roared back. We battled it, my wife and I, till agter a 16 year fight the cancer in her would not disappear. We turned from chemo and radiation when it would not work anymore to immunio theraphy for her. In the end itfailed, cancer keeps coming. I took her to Doctors, tests, Chemo, radiation, Immunio-theraphy and all failed. In the end, she was in and out of hospitals, rehab facilities and back home and back in twice in her final six months. In the end i went to see her down the road in the Rehab dacility she was in and she couldn’t feed herself anymore, no one was feeding ger now, so I brought her home amd hospiced her for her final ten days of life. She passed at least with me near in our home we shared together knowing I loved her, and she lobed me, for those were the final words we spoke to one another. I kept my word to her, I burioed her next to her son she had lost when he was younger. And I prepared the headstone for both of us, so I will be buried next to her whenI go too. I paid for all, and went through the motions in tears and sobbing, but I did it all.

Today I have sold all my wife and i owned together an dleft the area we lived in and the home we had behind. Why, some ask me, simple, I could not live there and not be depressed any further, by her memory. I love now in a new state, a new condo and I am trying exteremly hard to start a new life for I am now only 66 about to turn 67. Life is lonely and yes I miss my deceased wife and I talk to her picture daily telling her I miss her. I ma old now, at least it feels that way to me, I have seen the world, I have loved two women and had two daughters and two different loves. Creating a third one is tiring for me now. It is hard, for I am old my body is aching, my joints hurt, my muscles don’t work the same anymore and even my teeth are failing now and I meed massive repairs. As my wife wasdying, I was grinding my teeth down in my sleep in worry, so I have bad teeth now and tey are being crowned and capped and more now.

Someone asked me what I want next in life, I just want peace, to be able to have a female for companionship, someone i can communicate with, and laugh with and enjoy. I want to be able to relax and basically hope to die in peace without pain. Will that happen for me I do not know, for I have no control over fate or destiny, but I only comtrol my own actions daily. I now go day by day when I wake up to when I sleep.

Fate and destiny has kept me alive this far and I am here for some reason, I do not know why, anymore then anyone else may. I have a belief, that we are all placed here, upon this planet for a reason none of us can fanthom as we go thru life. We have our mission to complete, in someway, someday, and then we are recalled to from whence we came in the end. The Good Lord puts us here for us to interact with other human beings, in the end we shall all be remembered not for the money we made, the possessions we owned, but for how we treated others in life. People do not stand over graves, and cry, over material possessions folks, they stand over graves and cry ove rthe person they miss, the onethat treated them well and respected them and was always there for them. Those are the ones we miss, those are the ones we would like back in our lives again. We are remembered for how we treat others and only loved for that reason, always remember that! Remember, as you go through life, it is the interactions you have with others, how you treat them, that makes your memory to them worthwhile and as long as you live in their memories, will be how long your legacy really will be.

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