January 28th, 2023 has begun for me and I woke up at 4:30 am today. Why. I have no idea, I am 67 years old now, and I still have the mystery of what my body does and why not explained to me, nor do I understand it. We still continue daily and we do as our bodies and minds tell us to do. Why, well, we are human and we do not control what the Good Lord wants for us do we?
Anyway, life for me is a boring routine these days, wake up have coffee, look at e-mails, and maybe write a boh is I am in the mood fo rit, like now. Otherwise I watch television, play x-box, or I walk as much as I can till tired. On Mondays I go down and play blilards with the men and people who live in the condos I do, and on Thursdays I bowl. Now, for me at 67 there is not much more I can do these days, although I do miss the company and companionship of my wife, who passed on me in August of 2021. 18 months after she is gone, I am still alone with no woman in my life, and wondering if I shall have one ever again.
I have tried Zoosk and now Our Time also, finding that the dating sites do not seem to click for me, no matter how many profiles I click on or read. I get nervous trying to meet any females out there, and I do not understand the process anymore and I never have known how to flirt, guess at my age I wil lprobaly never learn either. I see othe rmen who all they do is flirt, and I am like what are they doing, I never understand it. I think I am an old fashioned man, lost in a world of the woke crowd and alone because the Good Lord wants it this way for me.
The Dating scene for people my age of 67 is rough and not easy to handle or understand anymore, for me. I guess, I have found all the women the good lord wanted me to be with by now and it is my job to just wind down my life slowly alone. Is it fate or destiny, stubborness or foolishness, i do not know, but, I live alone in 956 square feet, trying to survive. I get people telling me I should get out more, meet people in the area, volunteer, they say. Well, while in certain situations and enviroments I do interact some, I am tole I talk too much, and i scare the women away. What do you want from a 67 year old man who has spent the last 30 years, with a wife who died on him to do. Do you think I should be jumping women left and right, I doubt it and wouldn’t go there. The dating scene of today is nothing like the dtaing scene of yesteryear, it is different. The woke movement, covid scares, nuts with guns and more.
This is not the Americaq I grew up in anymore. We have politics gone crazy, disrespect for laws, lack of manners by many and so much more out there. So many saw join a dating site I did, I met two womenin now four months is all. Neither was a fit for me, and it seems I not for them either. So I wandr on my own walking malls and streets for exercise, sometimes build puzzles till bored, play x-box for fun, watch tv and read if I feel like it. I amnow one of the old men society I think and slowly wasting away in a way. I am reluctant to ask aby woman for a date, or out, because I do not think I am a catch they would want in anyway. My opinion of my chances are slim to none if I did it in my opinion. So I stay alone and surrender to the eventual.
Although I should get out and explore where I now live, I don’t. I seem to fall into patterns of life that are simple and easy. I don’t spend a lot of money. I am not rich folks, I live on disability and social security these days. I come and go to Doctors and Dentists, or if I get sick I go to clinics to to be checked out. Basically, the way I see it, if I have no one to share life with, I shall slowly fade away, it is how life is I gather, as I age for me.
I have had few loves in my life and I can honestly say, I can count them on one hand. I wa snever one to date alot, or get involved alot with the opposite sex. I smile at them, them at me and then we speak and I do not get past thefriend stage, at any point anymore. So I have surrendered to the fact I am meant to be alone at this stage in life, I told my sister at one point already, I bought this condo, and it is probally here, where you shall find me dead one day. For unless one invovles themself in the world and is active, one diminishes or fades and no one worries or cares about, people who stay alone. This is how we all pass away soone ror later isn’t it alone. I remember an old movie, called Grumpy Old Men, it starred Walter Matheau and Jack Lemon, who competed for a beautiful woman in ther old age. One gets the lady an dthe other gets left alone. I am now one of those grumpy old men like they were, alone on my own and just barely surviving. I am not competing for any woman’s attention, though. So, my demise wil lprobally come soon enough, we lal face the fact of our passing sooner of later don’t we?
Aging is a natural thing, out bodies slow down, our minds go on and in the end we begin to realize we are set in our ways also. We tend not to want to change much, for we know what worked to get us to the old age we are. I don’t run anymore like I did in my teens, there is no ice skating or roller skating these days. No climbing moutains or trails anymore either. I tried pickleball and hurt myself when I arrived here last year and delt out of place doing so, so I gave it up. I don’t heal as quickly as i di in my youth lol. I may go back tp pickleball for somethoing to do when the weathe ris wamer and if I make sure I am dressed for it, in the right sneakers.
I used to love fishing also, but everything these days cost money. I still like the outdoors and always will, fresh air is good for us all. In the end, I know, I am alone, and wil probally stay that way. I don’t have the sense of humor I used to anymore either it seems and little things get to me. maybe it’s because I am always alone that it matters, but I seem to avoid most things these days. Life is right now boring, depressing and in all reality just a day to day routine for me, so I know unless it changes or I meet someone to change it, this is it, in my case. The good lord is picking how and where my life shall end not I.
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