March 1st, 2023 has begun for me, it is now 7:05 am. The weather has been on and off snow now for almost 2 weeks, nor accumilating anything really, but threatening too here in Massachuetts. Being 67 and living in a small sleepy city like Westborough, is quiet mostly and meeting people is rough at times. You might think, it is easy to meet people for most, go out have fun and talk to everyone right, well, for most that works yes. But what does one do if your 67, lonely, scared to get involved with anyone of the opposite sex and people think you look like you should have no problems, but you do?
I never was one for flirting, I never learned to flirt, and i know many will think I am crazy when I say this, but, it’s true, as the first girl I ever kissed told me one day, I have known you for years she said, but you never firt. It’s easy, I always have an inner feeling no matter how attracted to a female I am, that they will never go out with me and I basically use built in tactics to avoid them. It is an auto-response built in from my childhood and being told all my childhood I was useless, and worthless.
So, yes I know, some ask me then, how did I end up married twice, having two kids? I always tell them the samething, I have no idea. Did i ever ask any woman out basically no, except for my second wife, once. We just seemed to click. The first wife i met in what is called a Wave Cage in the Navy, she wasa sailor too, I met her playing pool and listening to music. So, now when my second wife, passed due to cancer, and since i have been flaying about and alone, a loner. Always have been a loner i guess you may say, and at 67 that is saying a lot. In life there are extroverts and introverts, I am a weird combo of both at different times and situations. I don’t do large crowds well, I avoid them mostly. And I usually say hello to women only or hold just small or idle converstaions with them.
As it goes today at 67, I am holding on and doing my thing, I walk, I write, I play pool and bowl. I shop as needed and live alone in a 596 square foot condo that is almost brand new on the fourth floor and hide and look out at the world. It isa quiet life, no more climbing roofs to clean then, over snow blowing driveways or cutting grass. No more major problems with pro[erties or the home. No more driving my wife to exams, appointments, tests or chemo and radiation, or immunio-theraphy. No more running back and forth to hospitals and doctors and nursing homes.I miss her big time, we had open communication, we had caring, sharing, and more for 28 years. I will always miss her, there is no one across the room to talk to anymore, she is gone and cancer took her from me.
As to how I will continue on I do not know, I stumble through each day, I smile and laigh and sarcastically joke with people here. I have not had female companionship now in about 6 years physically and i don’t even know if I could perform if it happened. I miss the closeness, the intimacy and more, but, life must go on.
As to dating site, I have posted profiles and looked and paid the price for them. Yet I find they are money grabbers and really don’t work. Many fake or old profiles on them, that are never removed. Few answers, but no connections, i chat a few times, maybe meet for coffee and move on. Finding a partner to date in this day and age in 2023 is almost impossible, for me it is impossible. No woman wants a old 67 year old man, who is retired and alone. So, I go day by day, I try to walk, eat when hungry, go to Doctors as needed and leep to myself, scarred to ask any woman out. I never was a big dater.
Now some will say I am lying I am not, I can count on my one hand the number of females I have been with, intimately. or even in a relationship of any kind. So if you figure it out fast, it was the two wive and only three others in 67 years of life so far. I am not a goggilo, or playboy, nor am I a women chase rof any kind. I just do me is all. If that doesn;t work, I am brave enough to walk alone and carry on in life anyway. To where ever the Good Lord leads me is where I shall go, for I am controlled by fates and destinies is all. For me if I am to find another owman to share my ederly days with fine, it will happen organicly or not at all, I force nothing and never would.
Lately, ipay no attention to the news or the world, i stay introverted and quiet, I laugh and joke playing pool with the guys and laugh and joke while bowling too. But, other wise I walk alone, up to 3 miles or more a day if weathe rpermits, I read, I build puzzles play X-box games and lif eis day to day.