Personal Thoughts

March 13th, 2023 has arrived, saylight savings time has been set now and spring is coming. They say we are about to have a noreaster of snow soon, but we shall see. When snow does hit it gives the land and area a look of white innocence, yet we all know it’s not real.

Well, lets see now it’s been 17 months since the passing of my wife, whom I miss dearly. Each day I awake and try to carry-on on my own now, and doing the best I can. Juggle the bills, clean the condo, do my own cooking and laundry, go to Doctors as needed for my back and aliments I may have and walk alot to stay healthy. I play pool on monday evenings and bowl thursdays. Other wise I write blogs, poetry, build puzzles, read books and have recently bought myself an accoustic guitar to learn to play. I will attempt to learn to play the guitar as a hobby and because i have always liked music since i was a youngster. I remember my step-father as he played guitar and piano, when i was growng up, we always had fun when he did. So I thought why not try to learn to play, I have time to do so now.

Time waits for no one, and Father Time tells us to stop or go on. I am now 67 years old, and I must admit, I am not always a loveable character I can get grouchy, and mean, but not often. I go day by day and try to be as pleasant as possible to all I talk to. I basically have tried dating apps to find a female friend to date, without any success at all, so I basically gave up. I don’t understand the modern way of dating by internet stuff and I have absolutely no idea what a woke movement is. I guess I am old fashioned in that sense. Never did learn how to flirt either, so I stay alone and do my thing. Funny, I know foer many who know me when I say I never learned to flirt, they look at me like i am crazy and tell me I must know how I was married twice. Nope, I don’t know how, I was married twice because the women I married met me doing my thing is all. The first one wasa common job and music and playing pool in the Navy. The second was a woman I met at a singles dance, who I did ask to dance. The first marriage lasted 12 years on the books, and the second 28 years of a relationship and marriage. I don’t consider asking someone to dance as flirting, so I am lost now, after 28 years, and have no idea how dating works today.

I chat at times on the internet and use my computers to write stories, poems and blogs when in the mood. Other than those items it is one boring day after another I live thru. I know, it sounds crazy and it sounds bad, but when your 67, no woman wants you. The older single women I have met who are widowers like me or divorcees, want young men or money. I don’t have money to blow, nor am I young so I get checked off of their list fast.

I know I sound boring, and some say miserable, but I am not miserable at all, I have just come to accept the facts, I am getting older and the world is for the younger crowd. I remember when I grew up, we were taught manners and respect your elders, and you will be fine. Do those lessons apply today, I do not know, for I see too many rude people around.

I also shy away from large parties and crowds, they make me nervous and uncomfortable. When I meet a woman I may like I tend to backup, instead of asking them out. As I said to many people, I am big enough, bad enough and ugly enough to scare anyone away. People laugh when i say that for I am only 5ft 8 inches tall, but it’s the truth.

As I age, I am finding difficulties in how to react to somethings I see in todays world. I try to avoid politics and religion, and just talk about the daily news in the headlines or on tv, and of course sports. I am a fan of the Red Sox,and The Celtics, football wise I like the Vikings, even though they can’t win the big game. I am loyal to them from their inception into the NFL.

So, I may walk here for three miles around the condo compound I live in on good weather days, if it looks like rain or snow, I may go to the neighnorhood mall and walk there. If it snows or looks like snow I stay home alone and watch tv. I know I am boring, but what do you expect from me at 67 years old, jumping jacks are out, folks.

I deal with my medical problems daily by taking my meds. Other than the above, I have no real passion or want of much. I play X-Box on and off when I can with a friend. It’s called the simple life, you live alone in silence and carry-on anyway you can.

What is out there for a 67 year old man to do, I am not a skirt chaser, I don’t chase women. I don’t drink really except for social reasons and that is one drink to fit in. I don’t do drugs, and I am as healthy as one can be at my age. What is left for me in the world I do not know, nor do I understand why I am still here. I feel like a spare tire just laying around! It gets boring when you can’t work and you have no one to share life with. It’s just a fact is all, and I know some will say do something, go out, find fun. IT isn’t easy when your 67 and don’t know the town or area you live in. So I go day by day and do the best I can.

So, whats left, when you have had two marriages, many homes, two kids of your own, two of everything and more and you can’t work because your disabled? I recieve suggestions everyday from people online in chats, go voluteer they say, I say to do what? I look and there isn’t much here. I guess time will tell. I have always had the belief since i was young that we are all put upon the world, to complete some mission, we do not know, but until we complete it we are stuck here. Some people have their missions shown to them and complete them and leave us earlier in age. I go day by day and just wonder if there will be a day that I complete my untold mission and my time comes to depart. I can only wonder what my mission is that I have to complete.

I know I have set up a trust fund and my last will and testiment. All has been updated of course as needed for the day I die. As long as I am cremated and buried next to my wife I am happy and content.

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