There are stages in life, stages we do not pay much attention to and others we do. First is birth, when we come into the world and our asses are slapped and we begin to breathe, and we cry. Then we are taken home by the woman who gave us birth and raised by her and either the father, or the man she prefers to live with. As we grow and learn we are taught to love others, we are taught what family is, we are taught right from wrong, manners and more.
We then reach the age where schooling takes over, they teach us reading, writing, math,science and more. Then we age a little more and bam, we notice the opposite sex, or the same sex and the hormones so to say take over. Sex becomesa drive we all live thru and carry with us, for a majority of our lives. As we age high school teaches us more and how to interact with others. They try to prepare us for maturity and workingf or a living and making it in society. Then, we find ourselves and end up in relationships, if we are lucky, some of us find destructive ones other ones that are good for us.
By, the time you hit your thirties, you are settled into a job, and for most a place of your own to live. Responisibilioties are with you by then, you have a job, a family of your own, bills to pay. We slowly striggle through it all and settle in pretty well by our forties. Most do anyway, but then we have seperations, divorcies people suffer thru, of course and many do so and survive.
By our fifties, we realize we now own our own homes and have paid almost all of our bills down. We settle into routines with our partners, and we know each other well enough. We come to depend on our partrners to communicate, to listen, to discuss and to interact with one another well. We grow accustom to each other and we are now ready to enjoy our senior years. For many, it works out just that way. Not for all though.
Some of us, like myself, lose the one they love in the end of their fifties or like me in their sixities. Now, I must admit, when my wife died in August 2021, I was lost, scared, afraid and it is still the same today 20 months later. In my generation, life was different and we did things differently then today. There was no online dating, there was no Woke Movement, we interacted in person and actually talked to one another. Of course, because of many differences over my life, I was married for 28 years, I have no idea how dating works these days, and I shy from trying to find anyone, no matter how alone I may feel or be. I was married twice in my life and in the end, I never did learn to flirt. I can honestly say I can count the relationships I have been in on one hand. I am not a social butterfly, or stud. Never have been and guess, I shall never be.
I do not have ahigh opinion of my looks or myself. Never have. yes i know what I have accomplished in life, but I do not brag on it, nor talk about it. I served my country 16 years in three different branches. I had dropped out of High School and went back to get an Eqivancy Degree to enter the military. When I left the military on a Medical under Honorable Discharge, I ended up going to college and graduated, witha 3.7 average and a Hotel Managaement Degree. I have written stories, books and poems. Two of everything is what I did basically, I had two children, two marriages, two cars and more. Yet none of it means a thing to me, unless there is someone to share it all with.
When you finally find yourself alone, due to the loss of the one you love, you struggle to carry on alone. at least I have and to be honest, without my wife, I am facing the downslide now alone. I know it is the downslide for many reasons, health, mental and physical. I am slower in motion and slower in reactions. I am more afraid of women, then ever before in my life. I don’t tend to trust them, and constantly see them as wanting something from me, whether it is money or material items. While many have a tendency to tell me I am a decent looking man and I should have no problem finding a woman to share life, I know it will not happen for me. it doesn’t matter if I have an attraction to a woman or not. I know I shall not make any attempt or approach, because no woman wants an old man, like me. Even those my own age want younger men. SO I have have surrendered actually to the facts and know I shall die alone. I have lived my life, and my only thought is, I hope when I do pass from this earth, I am remembered asa decent man, one who served honorably, one who loved hionestly, one who treated others decent, for it is not the material things you have in life that count, it is how you treated others. I know it is the downslide time for me, I am not afraid, nor figjhting it, nor will I run from it. We all find ourselves facing the downslide at some point in life and we feel it and know when it is approaching, it is how we handle it, that counts.