Decisions we make as we head to the end of life, are not always the best ones for us. We sometimes regret them, for we are forced into speedy decisions based on circumstances. Many a time it is fate and destiny that causes the decisions and other times is is out influences, we never know which will determine it all for us, do we?
I have made many decisions in my life, most I do not regret, but like all humanity, I too have a few I do regret. Now, the latest regret was counting on people I thought would be around and help me out. But, once things went the way they convinced me to go, they tend to disappear from ones. life, leaving you to struggle on alone.
Lets start, when your young, you have no decison whom you are born to or whom your parents will be. You grow a bit and you have no decision in where you live or how you live, because you depend on the parents you were born to. You have no choice in who your siblings are or how they will treat you or you them either it develops as you grow. Many cases siblings grow apart and distant from one another, some stay close others do their thing and end up crying in later years about being estranged. You try to inform them as you grow of what they are doing, but they don’t listen and in the end, it happens anyway.
Then when you get to your teens you find friends and you hang together laugh a lot and have fun. But that also changes as do girlfriends and boyfriends as you are working it all out. Then in your later teens you start to decide, what you really want, because you are allowed now to make your own decisions. As you age life changes, responisibilties come into pl, and you either accept them or you run or avoid them. Each person does it differently and i don’t knock it, yet, it isn’t always right is it?
At some point usually in your mid to late 20’s you start to settle down, you stop partying always and work more, pay your bills and makea life that you feel is best for you. You settle in and make your own family, and it starts a new, next cycle in your life. You may have kids to raise and more decisions to make or course. but, is is acceptable to you and the one you partner with. So, life turns into a lil house, some kids, and two of everything, plus bills to pay for it all. Work bec0omes a preoccupation for you and the routine sets in. You live it because you like the stability of it, but it does’t always continue for all of us does it? No some of us get restless, or bored, or fall out of love and end up in divorces. Life becomesa major mess then for both sides, husband and wife and the children get damaged too. Yet we are a resilent humanity and we tend to pick ourselves up and move on. It doesnt always happen that way for all of us, for we lose what we want for different reasons, or causes. Some are ar eown reasons, and some are causes we can not control like disease, sickness, and accidental deaths. I know because i have been through some myself, one like divorce and a second from my wife dying of cancer and my facing it myself and surviving it.
When you lose someone to something you have no control over, you tend to get depressed, sad, and lonely and in the end you don’t know what to do anymore. It happened to me, my wife died of cancer I needed to get out of the house she died in I couldn’t live there anymore, so I sold it. Then, I took the advice of friends and tried to move closer to a relative to survive. That doesn’t always work out either, so I ended up ina 55 plus condo area, and alone. I thought it wasa decent decision on my part, until I realized, it is dead boring living this way. People are set in their ways and there is no way you can finda relationship under condo situations. You can’t date your neighbors, Si dating in a condo community is not a good idea period.
Been through online dating sites and found them to be lacking in many ways. Secondly, people want money for them and so do the people using them. So you get taken and used and find silly things about the ones you meet on them. SO I shut all the prfiles down, on Zoosk, OurTime and others and gave up. if it doesn’t happen organically, in person for me it won’t happen online. So you get stuck in a rut and you learn to live alone and just hang on each day you wake up. At some point you give up looking for someone to share life with and you just carryon alone finding hobbies to do, like walking, reading, building puzzles, computer chats, or fishing if your into it. You stop looking and just do your thing and stop hoping anymore.
There comes a point, we stop trying anymore and just carryon until, we reach the point we know, our own ending isn’t too far off. we don’t want to bea pain in the ass to anyone else, we don’t impose on others and we avoid contact in most cases then, Isolation will get ya too if your not careful. The biggest killer in human history is isolation. For humanity needs one another to continue on. once you have no interaction or connections with others, you life begins to slow down and so does your energy and will to live. it’s just a fact is all.
Whats next is the routine I end up with daily now, wake, coffee, tv, walk. Read some, build a puzzle, back to tv, and walking and tv and then bed. Life becomes a misery trail in isolation situations. One thing none of us want in life is to be pittied, or watched over all the time, pity parties suck. So you just shut up, live alone, shop alone and carryon like all is normal when you know it really isn’t what you want. So what does one really do?
Sometimes, decisions are not for us to make anymore, it is up to fate and destiny, so we just accept it and carryon, until we can’t anymore. Thats life folks, isn’t it?
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