Everytime and day we live we hope and wish for happiness, and relationships that work for us, you know that one special person that makes our lives whole forever more. Few are really lucky enough to do it once, others do it many times over, and their lives are better for it. I have had it for me in more ways then one so to say, so I am lucky.

I am not a real poet, songwriter or a rreal auther of much at all. I write things sown in my blog that range from life events. to dreams and more. Writing for me is just an exercise to keep my mind and heart busy and it seems to work for me.

Some say, each day we live and each person we meet, thereisa reason for it all. Fate? Destiny, what ever you all it, I have always said, each of us are intended to be where we should be and with whom the good lord says is right for each of us. No two people are ecer the same, abd that my friends is part of all that makes life worth living, is it not? Anyway, as it goes, we all go through life and stop and think at times, why did I day something to her, or him, when I could have! We look at relationship possibilities in different way and lights don’t we? Each of us must make decisions and choices in life and then live by them as we go along. Our reasons forour secision are are own in most xases and some are choices we have no way to avoid at all, vecuase we all temd too reralize, there are things we can not control in life.

For instance, attractions happen, we are all human and realistic, so when they do happen, we are also smart enough to make decisions to approach and say something to that person or not? Some make decisions, based purely on looks, some on physical attributes or sexy looks. Some just barge in and others are cautious, it is all a part of being human.

Have you ever stood across a crowded bar, or tavern or room or been to an event for fun and ended up watchingsomeone from afar. Maybe it is their look, or it is their smile, or hair, or the way they smile and laugh that gets your attention. Or something they may say or do, that attracts you.

Once that happens then the mind takes over in one swift act, and we make decisions on whether to say something to the person or not, based on morals, standards and real life facts don’t we? We go ok lets dive in and take a chance. or don’t go there, I’ll be laughed at. Chances are made to be taken yes, but within reason, is how they go.

When you meet someone you know you like, you have to consider the chance of rejection, you have to consider age differences, style differences, belief differences and yes even speech differences. I do it all the time, and I think all of us set those lines in the sand we know we should never attempt to cross. It’s all part of humanity.

Recently, I met someone, and found out she is simply a smart, happy person, who has many talents and attractive parts to her. Now, even though I can dream of her and the way she is, I also know age is a large factor and so is social status and friendships too. I can dream and admire her for who she is, and yes, she is special and in the end a stunner to see and watch. Admiring, is one thing, like is fine too, but knowing age differences there is absolutely no chance, in hell.

So what does one do when you reach that point, you do what any good hearted man or woman would do, you admire from afar, you say nothing and in the end you wish them the best and stay friends with them. You can’t pursue a 20 year old when your 70 so to say, and in the end you don’t because it is morally, ethically wrong and frowned upon by society as a whole and it is not in the norm to do. So, we do put restrictions on who we pursue for many reasons don’t we? It is life and the values, morals and ethics and beliefs we are all taught to adhere to in life. So, while ages, interfear, social staus interfears, so do logic and common sense. Admire, and watch is all one can do in this sense and case. It’s called society norms, society common sense, logic and you live with it always. That my friends is how life can go, and will for all of us. Old song out there, that goes, You can’t always get what ya want, but you try so hard, you get what you need! Always remember that one!

December 2nd, 2021 is here folks, Christmas has begun for many in this world and country. I hope the Holiday and time of season brings joy to all out there. It is a time of season and year we all enjoy because of family and friends and gifts to give and more. A singer/ songwriter I loved, wrote a song that went well with it all. Jim Croce was world renowen when he died and he brought many hits to the public before he did. From One Less Step pf Footsteps, to Bad Bad Leroy Brown, his music exploded onto the music scene and world at the time of his plane crash.

Jim wrote songs , that talked about life and times he lived in. He wrote New York’s not My Home. IT Doesn’t Have to be that Way. and so many more. His Christamas song for me was a great one too. IT went like this in the beggining, Sniwy Nights and Christmas LIghts, icey window panes, make me wish that we could be, together again. And On the windy, winter avenues, there walks a lonely man, and if I rold you who he was, but I thibk you’d understand. BUt, It doesn’t have to be that way, what we had should never have ended, and I’ll be stopping by today, and we can easily get it together tonight, it’s only right.

It was Jim’s way of talking of Christmas, winter, family and love in a song. Some need to find the song and use it these days. So as I remember, my Christmas memories and my departed wife at this time as the holiday gets closer each day. The laughter, the decorations, her warmth and love for me and mine for her. In the end, we all don’t have forever on this planet and all of us know that too. So as the Holiday Season is now upon us all, make new memories, make people laugh, make yourself laugh and enjoy all! Time is too short not to!!!!!!!! Happy Holidays from me to you!

December 1st, 2021 is upon us all today. Amazingly, there is no fighting Mother Nature or Father time and the world continues to go on no matter what we do. The last month of the year has begun and as it does I wonder what the future shall bring for me. I know each day, is a blessing, that I am receiving from our Lord and Maker, so I try to enjoy it.

Now on to the next subject for the day and this time. I am indeed getting old but at 65 I am not dead or unable to enjoy life. That part of life is what we all hang onto as we go along, having fun and enjoying life. For I think the second time since my wife died I went out and had some laughter and fun last night. I am not a bar hopper at all, but I did in fact enjoy myself in people watching and talking to others. I love having company and being friendly.

As you go through life, there are always going to be people, especially people, of the opposite sex, who impress you, amaze you and you may find stunning and unbelievable. Now I tend to admire these people, but I also know at my age of 65, they are beyond my reach and it is just a fact one lives with. I know one woman, who is at least 20 years my junior who I can only say one thing about, she is stunning as a person, stunning in personality and always smiles and has fun, God Bless her I say.

When you reach a certain age you set your own limits and you stay within them period. I would never portend or pretend to cross that line. Doesn’t mean I can’t admire someone younger than me, or find them stunning and delicious as a person and of course a woman. Life is too short not to admire beauty, personality and intelligence all wrapped up in one stunning woman and I am not ashamed of feeling that way. Yet, I know an old coot and someone my age would never have a cgance with someone so beautiful, vibrant and pretty, age differences do matter. We live in a time and we know in this time where we stand.

Next, the Holiday Season is upon us and Christmas is coming fast and so will the new year. I just want peace for myself, comfort for myself and in the end to try to enjoy the rest of my life. I hope the Good Lord will allow my health to hold and me to have some fun and comfort before I too pass away and join my wife. God Bless all and have a very Happy Holiday Season that is coming up, 2021 style.

A delusion is a false belief that is based on an incorrect interpretation of reality. Delusions, like all psychotic symptoms, can occur as part of many different psychiatric disorders. But the term delusional disorder is used when delusions are the most prominent symptom. Now recently, someone who thinks they know better than anyone else called me delusional, and said I had no idea what I am talking about. SO, I just want to point out I am far from delusional, but they may be themselves.

There s no delusion, in the fact I was with my wife for 28 years, and I took her to Doctors, MrIs Cat Scans and more. I took her for her dental work, I paid for all her medical cost, and in the end all her cancer care too. Sound delusional to you for me to say that? I doubt it. Cancer is a killer and costly for the patient and those who must pay the cost of the treatments and more.

Is it a delusion that, I was with her for 28 years and she told me she loved me before she died, nope. Was I delusional when she was dying and I watched her daughter and her sister sit next to her hospice bed in my dinning room and discuss how they were going to divide and figure out what they were going to get out of my house as she died? Nope I have witnesses to it all.

Is it delusional to anyone out there that my sister and I sat by as my wife died, changing her, cleaning her and making her as comfortable as possible as she died? No delusion there correct?

Is it delusional that the daughter wants to complain after my wife is gone as to what she did as she died, and how much it cost her to bury her mother, not really so far correct? Where the real delusions come into play is not on my side folks. The daughter wanted to do something for her mother’s burial and get involved because I was an emotional wreck and I said ok. So she called the Funeral Home and set up the grave site burial and ordered the urn for her mom’s cremation. No biggie there for sure, but did she pay for that, no, I did. I paid burial costs, cremation costs. urn cost and for the plots we will be in together, and my wife is buried in now, not her daughter.

The daughter wants to argue and complain because she spent two thousand dollars for a reception after burial for a reception, that should have never been, but I allowed to pacify her. I told the daughter many times, your mom wanted simple, no reception, no pomp and circumstances, period keep it simple. You wanted it as her daughter, you invited your friends and not mine or your mothers, so that is not delusional on my part either. The delusion here is you think you paid for your mom’s burial, you didn’t I did and i have the ten thousand dollars worth of receipts to prove it all, no delusion there, so tell me where you paid for your mom’s burial? ‘ a delusion on your part, not mine.

Was it a delusion for me, when you stood in my driveway and demanded to get into my house, after your mother’s death and I told you three times, no and your own son had to tell you, he said no mom lets go? Nope,ask your own son! Because I have witnesses to that one too in my sister and her man. No delusion there woman, is it?

Was it a delusion that during your mother dying in my home, you came saw her and then when told she was dying and asked to send your children on their vacation alone, you choose to go with them and left your mother to myself and my sister to care for? Nope, no delusion there right?

Was it a delusion of mine that you texted me a list of items you and your aunt wanted after my wife died, all the gifts you gave her while she was alive, nope, I have that list in my phone and computer too. No delusion there, is there.

I won’t go further here, but I want to point out, I am not the delusional one. If all you did was pay two thousand dollars for a reception and make a few damn phone calls, you didn’t pay for anyone’s funeral cost, that’s delusional. I said no pomp, no show, no production was what your mother requested, what you did was add a reception and tried to add a brunch too and more, why , it wasn’t for my wife or me, it was for you and your friends you invited. That’s sad!

I remind you, I paid for 28 years of caring, comfort and homes for your mother too. I paid for all her prescriptions, clothing, doctors and more, on a disability pension and social security, not you. Don’t cry and call me delusional, when you make well over 200 grand per year, have a rich ex-husband who has millions, and you only contributed two grand for a reception. That’s sad and that is delusional on your part. Your living in a world of false beliefs, false ideas and thoughts and grieving, I get it, we all are. But don’t, be stupid and be very careful what you say about me, I have proof of payments, I have paid for all involving your mother and her death and life for the last 28 years. Where were you?

You took money from us for your children’s college funds for years, amounting in ten of thousand of dollars, is it delusional of me to tell you your mom had no money or income at all, I had it and allowed it and gave it. Facts are facts here.

Whats a lie and a delusion on your part, well here is one for sure. I set up estate sales after your mother died, I specifically, told you not to come, because of the emotions that would occur if you did. Instead you sent your 17 year old daughter in to see what was for sale and what we were doing. None of your business, nor was it hers. My sister told her she shouldn’t be there and your daughter got upset. Life is rough you know that, yet you sent her in with a bag full of photographs for me to have, that’s how i know you sent her. I have the photographs to prove it too. I didn’t chase you 17 year old daughter from the house and give her nothing, I protected her and kept her safe, helped her pick out the mementos she wanted, and gave them to her cheap. I boxed em, talked to her and even walked her to her car as she left and carried the box for her. I hugged her as she cried also. and waved goodbye when she left too, as i cried. Thats no delusion, that’s facts.

I am sorry you didn’t get into the house at least for you, but not me. I am glad i kept you out, no delusion there. I know you wanted the coat rack, no it’s mine. I know you wanted to pillage the house for as much as you wanted, sorry, not yours to take. I didn’t appreciate you telling my sister, not to allow my children to pillage the house before you get to see it either. My daughter and their families never even came to Connecticut about your mother dying, so why do you do these things? Why would you say these things about people you don’t even know? It’s sad and delusional.

Let me close you delusional conversation for you and all who read this, I have no delusions about reality or fantasy, I know my wife died on August 10th, 2021, I know I buried her on August 20th, 2021. I know I went to her grave site, have you, no. Did I keep the promises I made to my wife and do things as she wanted it ,yes, did you, no. In your grief and sadness, you even accused me of blocking you from calling me, I never did. I was Hospitalized for 10 days for depression and an attempted suicide on my part and my phone was turned off and unpaid for. I never blocked anyone. Did you ever wonder or think I was in worse shape than you, over my wife’s death and I reached out to a hospital for help? Nope you didn’t, I am not delusional, you are.

Now we come to the end here, your mom is buried, her headstone is in place, you accuse me of doing things and saying things I never did and act like a child who is spoiled and I am to blame no thank you. Do me a favor, take your feelings of self blame, and greed and self-pity and stick them where the sun doesn’t shine, ok. I hope you can live with yourself, for you missed your father dying by 20 minutes and then you missed your mother dying, also. You should be ashamed of yourself for missing both of their deaths, for going on vacations when you should have been there for them. Then you cry you didn’t get all you wanted from me or my house of your mother’s belongings, when you yourself told me, your fathers wife gave you only three items of his and sent you on your way. I gave you a damn trailer load and a SUV loaded with items, but you still wanted more that’s greed on your part, not mine. Wake up, I am not going to let you have all you wanted, nor do you have any right to any of it. When your mother and I set up our wills and the Living Trust I remember what you mom told me when I asked her why you were no to be a beneficiary of her will or the Trust. She said and I quote verbatim, my daughter has all she needs, a home, and makes over 200 grand a year, and lacks nothing.So she left you out of her will and that wasn’t my doing but hers.So, do me a favor, grow up, live with what you got, enjoy it all, and in the end move on, please, no more nasty texts, no more phone calls, it is obvious to me you never cared for me and I never really cared about you. Don’t bother me on Facebook eithe ror any other social platform I blocked you period, Good Luck!

Today is November 29th, 2021, and a new day begins for me at 4;30 am when I awoke. Yesterday, on Sunday, after I sent my wife’s daughter a picture of her mother’s headstone in place, I received a text message from her daughter. She is mad because she couldn’t get in my house after my wife died to ravage it and take what she wanted, tough luck huh! She is mad because I didn’t want to deal with her anymore after her mother died, the girl is selfish, greedy, foolish and talking crap, in plain english, and I won’t and don’t have to deal with her anymore.

The daughter cried about me not letting her in my home, and then cried and said I was delusional regarding what she did at the time of her mother’s death, I am not. The cost of burying someone in modern America is expensive period. I paid for the plots for my wife and I, I paid for her cremation, and her urn and her burial not her daughter, the cost came out over ten grand. The daughter cries she spent two thousand dollars on her mothers funeral and burial she didn’t. What she spent on and I specifically told her her mother did not want, was two grand to have a reception after her mother died. That two grand was not necessary,and I told her that before she did it. She says she made the arrangements, sure she called them, but in the end she didn’t pay for anything to do with my wife being buried. The two thousand she speaks of paid for a reception, that she put on, to look good for herself, and to bring all her friends to. It had nothing to do with my wife or her wishes. Sadly, this woman is all about what she could get out of her mother dying and nothing else.

Answer me some questions,why would you not be at either of your parents deaths when they died? Why did you and your Aunt sit across my wife’s body as she laid in her hospice bed dying and talk about how you are going to divide up her property and what you want of hers? Why did you miss your fathers death, and now your mothers? Why did you go on vacation with your children knowing your mother was dying and dying fast and you were told not to politely, yet you went?

Where were you the last sixteen years of your mother’s life as she was slowly dying and suffering in pain? Who do you think paid for her medical expenses, her equipment, her prescriptions and drove her to Scans, MRIs, and Doctors left and right? I did you selfish brat! I paid for her cars, her home and all belongings in it not her, she had no money period or income, your stupid.

Now, final time I will say this, you showed up late at your father’s death after he was gone and you showed up late after your mother’s death too, why? Second, why would anyone discuss dividing up a person’s property and how to get it after she dies over her dying body as she could listen but not talk? Why would you right after your mother died, stand in my driveway and argue with me over whether I would let you in the house to take what you wanted? Then when I said no and your own son told you I said no, later you send me a text message with a list of what you are demanding of your mother’s belongings? Who does this shit and then you call me delusional, your’re a sick warped woman, if you think so. In the end, I am reminded of The Brady Bunch, and the character of Marcia, Marcia, Marcia, she was a self centered, boring, greedy and demanding person in the show too.

I picked up your bullshit you said to me in your Facebook message, Let me tell you something, your an idiot if you think I said no to you and your kids coming to the estate sales after my wife died just to be mean and keep you from getting anything. I asked you not to come so there would be no emotional show and hurt for you and your kids. I had to do the estate sales, I was her husband it is my responsibility and job, not yours. So I did all I could in the right ways, did you? No.

I am sure, your mother is watching down over us, and I am sure she would be really upset and disappointed in your mouth, your attitude and your actions. I knew my wife well. If anything you should be fully ashamed of your actions, your attitude and your own behavior here. And don’t give me the pity party you are serving up either. I know we are all grieving your mother’s departing the earth and all of us handle it differently, but honestly speaking I have never in 65 years of life ever seen anyone do what you have done in the name of just trying to make yourself look good. I took care of my wife for 28 years kid, I fed her, dressed her, showered her ,changed her underwear and clothes, I took her for all appointments, scans and got all her prescriptions she needed. Where were you?

I used to think your ex-husband was the bad guy in the marriage you had, but in fact I now see why he got the divorce and left you. Sadly, the world needs to know what you are like, would you like me to openly tell everyone? Skiing was more important than being at your mother’s side while she died! Very sad in my book, your mom, gave you life, raised you, educated you and provided for you to attend college and get educated. And what she got from you when she died was a two thousand dollar reception she never wanted or needed and a gathering of your friends for your purposes not hers. They were your friends, not hers, they came for your purposes not your mothers or mine. So don’t cry to me about your two thousand dollars for the reception and say you put up for your mom’s death needs, you didn’t, I did. I have the receipts for the plot, the urn, the burial expenses and her headstone not you. And anyway, why are you crying over spending two thousand dollars on your mother for her death, I spent well over ten thousand! So go away OK, stew in your own crap and cry to the walls, run to your ski resort town and ski with your friends. In the end, you did nothing a normal daughter would have done for her mother, I did, it all, you did was phone calls and a reception! Sadly, my wife would not want us at each others throat or ignoring each other or even fighting I know that and so do you. In the end, I am glad i blocked you and removed you from my Facebook and phone now, I can see you will never and I mean never consider anyone else but yourself.

One last things I think what you did to your own 17 year old daughter was nasty, and hurt her deeply. After I specifically asked you not to come to the estate sales at the house, you decided no one would bother your daughter if she showed up. Well, when she did, I let her be, I didn’t tell her she shouldn’t be there, my sister did, But, that doesn’t matter to you you blame me. Did your daughter tell you who went to her, helped her find what she wanted to take home, helped her box it all and protected her while she was there? Me, that’s who! I carried her stuff to her car, I hugged her I let her cry and calmed her so she could drive home, did she tell you that, I bet not! I asked your daughter if you sent her, and of course she lied and said you didn’t, then why did she come with a bag of pictures from you of myself and your mother in hand? I am sorry you stooped to such a nasty dirty trick and exposed your daughter to what you did, for what, just to see what we were selling and so she could report back to you. You had zero respect for my wishes, and in the end zero respect for your own daughter, when you sent her in. I tried to protect any emotional trauma from happening for you and your children and now i am told I tossed your daughter out, that’s crap. Sadly now life must go on and yes we shall all grieve the loss of my wife, your mother, their grandmother, but, in the end why did you do all of the above and try to spit on me? I won’t accept it. I wish no one ill will, or harm or anything along those lines. I just want peace and quiet and a new life to live and be comfortable and meeting new people and making friends once more. God Bless all and thank all who read this and can understand it.

As time goes on, and I am alone in my thoughts, my mind will always drift back to my days with my deceased wife. The laughter, the cuddling, the living in peace and how we avoided any fights, and how each of us fond ways to compromise, and make it all work. No relationship between partners, whether in marriage or just a daily relationship can last without compromise on one or the others part. No compromise, no continuing relationship, period, until both realize that any relationship is in trouble. MY wife and I, learned it early on and we backed one another in everything we did and we stayed by one another right till the moment of her death.

Well, anyway, as time rolls on, being a widower is no fun folks. The danger for me is the loneliness factor. I need to socialize and be around people. The human species is built on interaction between all of us. Mankind is not an island for each of us alone, it is a world with all of us interacting to survive.

In my life I spent much of my youth and teen years running or moving from one place to another and helping others. Yet in the end I received in return many lessons, much comfort and caring form those I friended and who friended me. I had mostly surrogate parents growing up when I hit my teens at age fourteen. People who allowed me to become a part of their families, who I am still close with in many ways over 50 years later. I had families like the Johnson family, the Geer family and places I could go to to be me and have fun. I am proud of the fact at 65 years old I still have some of those friends today. I think in life as we go along, we tend to gravitate today people we like or respect, or both and make friends and keep them for those same reasons. As I aged and grew, I found something about myself out too,I like long term relationships and I don’t normally walk away from them, unless forced.

Loves I have had, and one who I wished I had, for me, are fewer than some would expect from me. IN High School I had only one girlfriend. When that ended, I moved on and stayed alone by myself. When I left home to join the Navy, I was still single and on my own till my met my first wife. That relationship lasted 12 years before she asked for a divorce she still regrets till this day I am sure. When, that happened then I met my second wife who I will love till I die, but who has left me a widower now. So there you have the official version of my love life at 65 years old, lol! I know other men who date many, try many relationships and failed and keep trying, myself, I won’t pursue a woman unless I am really attracted to her personality. But, hey to each their own right?

Anyway, it is now, November 28, 2021. My wife has been gone since August 10th, 2021 now. The days and nights have passed slowly since her death. I will indeed miss her for the rest of my life! Yet I know I am here and she is gone and I must survive and carry on till it is my time to join her. Will life and fate and destiny allow me to find another woman to care for, be a companion to and to enjoy good times again, I don’t know, but time shall tell. I just know in order for myself to survive I need companionship, I need someone I can talk to, dance with, and cook with too if necessary or for fun. To cuddle with and watch movies or just play music and relax with, at home. All, I can do right now is hope it happens and I refuse to rush anything, but my life is getting shorter by the day in and of itself.

I remember in my teens, I always thought I would be gone by the age of forty, now I am 65 and still here it is a miracle to me. For I overcame so much in my life to still be alive today. I know I can only do one thing and that is take, life, one day at a time and try to make it as interesting, comfortable and busy as I can, and look forward,not back. The Good Lord, allows use to face one day at a time and the time we need here in that way and he determines how long we are to be on this planet. God Bless all.

For the first time in twenty eight years, a holiday has passed without my wife here. It was rough and yes I cried a bit over it, yet in the end, I am still here. Now I know some people, say things regarding my relationship and marriage. In the end it was my wife and I who lasted 20 years together, why, simple, it was love, it was respect. A marriage does not last 28 years, unless you love and respect the person your married to and communicate with them and compromise. Compromise is life folks in all ways, and if you want a relationship and you wish to keep it, you learn to compromise and roll with it.

I don’t want to hear people who say or speak behind my back. I hate two faced individuals who have no real facts to rely upon. If anyone wishes to say anything regarding our marriage, I hope for your sake I never hear you even whisper a word about it. But, to give all a vision or view into out marriage, let me say this, 28 years is no short period of life, secondly, there were no disputes or physical fights between us, and even our arguments were short and forgotten in no time. Can you say that about any relationship you have had? I can.

I brought my wife home on July 29th, 2021 from a Rehab./Nursing home, so I could care for her myself, the best I can and could. We talked as she laid in her hospice bed at home, I fed her and got an extra nurse to be there daily. When it got rough and her condition worsened, I called for help and my sister came. Together we slept in the living room in separate reclining chairs getting up and checking on her status and condition the best we could.

I allowed and would have never refused to her family the right to come see her when they wanted. I watched as they came and went and di as they wanted in my home and assessed what was in it and how they could get it all. And my wife laid there unable to speak or say a word to them, as they debated what items they wanted once she died. Who does this to their sister, their mother or grandmother, no one I know would have.

I of course said nothing concerning it all and treated them with warmth and comfort and was polite at all times. It would take from July 29th, to August 10th 2021 for my wife to pass on. Each stage as her condition worsened I would contact the daughter and sister, and tell them where she was at in her condition, keeping them all informed. I did not tell the daughter to go on vacation with her children when she did, we even recommended between myself and my sister that she should be here for her mother. Instead she packed up her kids and took a vacation. Leaving her mother to myself and my sister to care for till she passed. Why I have no idea, but it happened!

When my wife passed on August 10th, at 6:20 pm. I did as instructed by the Hospice Nurses, I called them. Then, I called the daughter and notified her, her mom had passed. Now let me say this, when my parents died in 1990 and 1991, all of us, and there were four alive, were present. We didn’t go on vacations, or events or anything else, we were there for both. Sadly, I guess you may say, not all handle it, the same way we did. So in the end, my wife’s daughter and her grandchildren missed her passing and the daughter showed up after the fact to say goodbye.

Once my wife was picked up and taken away from her home to be readied,for burial, I had only my sister to help me through it all, God Bless her for that. I struggled as day after day and time after time the daughter called on arrangements for her burial and what she thought my wife wanted. I refused a wake, a Funeral Home Ceremony and I decided as my wife had requested to follow her wishes. She always told me, no big show, no big act keep it simple so I did. We got her cremated as she wanted, and an Urn, then, buried her next to her son as she wished in a simple, peaceful graveside ceremony. I bought her a headstone for the two of us so I may join her beside her when I pass too.

Let me tell you all something, if I had known what was coming next I would have disappeared from life itself. I had no idea the sister and daughter would work overtime on a list of items they wanted from my house. But they did just that. Then they had the gall, to put it to me in text to my cell phone. I was upset, flabbergasted, and in the end shocked. here my wife was not even gone much and I had to fight with her daughter over entry into my home, sad.

I honestly don’t know if it was greed, it was ignorance, or selfishness on the sister’s and daughter’s parts to demand such things, but they did. I tried to navigate it all and carry on the best I could at the time. We set up estate sales and sold all we could and I requested the daughter not come for emotional reasons, so what did she do, she sent her 18 year old daughter to come look at it all and report back to her. Sadly the granddaughter had an emotionally hard time through it all and it was what I was trying to avoid for all of us. My question is simple, you gave presents to my wife when she was alive and over the years and when she died you wanted them all back, why? I have never seen anyone ask for this stuff before in my 65 years of life, it was in my mind and heart a cold, calculated, greedy and selfish act on their parts. I just shake my head at it all.

Now it is 96 days since my wife was buried. After I started cleaning the house out I put aside all I thought the daughter and her sister should have of her life. I then arranged for the daughter to come get it all, and I refused to see her when I did. My anger and emotions were raging as I saw her load her trailer she pulled in with and left. In the end I find it disgusting and sad what she did and haw she acted, during it all. Now having given all I could to them, I have not heard a word from the daughter, the grandkids, or her sister. No one has bothered to call me, see how I am doing, or just to say thank you for all I did for my wife or them. It is like I didn’t exist at all and total silence. I remind them now and here, your mother, you sister, your grandmother did not have money. The money you grandkids got for your education came from me, the presents over the years came from me, my wallet, my money. She had no money at all, I provided for her, for you too. I guess that doesn’t matter and you very ungrateful in my opinion. Now I am closing in on selling the home we shared, and moving on. I have no reason without my wife to keep the house we lived in, alone. I can’t do a damn thing with a house with four bedrooms and three and a half bathrooms and an apartment and two car garage. So it is time to sell it all and move on and keep my memories to myself.

I hope if the daughter, or grandkids or sister and their families read this, it will give them a perspective and view from my side of all of this. I hope they know, I don’t hate them, or wish them ill will, but I did not agree with how they acted, treated me, and reacted to my wife’s death, with greed and selfishness.

Thanksgiving 2021 has arrived today! It is to be my first major holiday without my wife who died on August 10th and who I buried on August 20th, 2021. Each year my wife and I would go through the holiday season together and travel to places she wanted us to be at. We would laugh, we would smile and we would enjoy seeing others get gifts we gave. I think that many we gave to for the Holidays, did not return the same to us over the years, but the Holidays are not about what you receive, they are about giving to others and watching them light up and smile.

I married my wife over 21 years ago, after living with her for seven more years, before. Now, for 28 years, we gave to her family and mine too each year and on all holidays too. Let me say this to those who received what we gave them and the grandchildren whose education we gave to, and her daughter and sister too, my wife had no money, she had no job, she had in income I did, I provided. Let me say this, no one understands I gather that I provided, I gave and I took care of my wife, Melinda. For 28 years if she wanted something I found a way to provide it. Medications, Doctor Appointments, Scans, cars, homes, and more. I wonder if her daughter, her grandchildren or her sister realize any of it. I doubt that for sure.

For the first time in 28 years now, I have no wife to be with, the silence is deafening, and the fact she is not here anymore, can eat me alive if I don’t move on and do what I can, to keep busy. I wonder what her daughter, her grandchildren and her sister think now?

In reality, it is sad to know they don’t care about me, or the fact I took care and loved her dearly, sadly they don’t even bother to pick up a phone to say hello or ask how I feel and each of them have my cell phone number too. I find the lack of respect a sad item from all of them. I find it insulting that they came to my home as my wife was dying and sat at the sides of my wife’s bed as she was dying, and talked about what they wanted after she died from me or her estate. Who does that folks, please tell me?

What I find sad is the following, when my parents died it was 1990 and 1991. All of us, who were their children, were present and there. We didn’t worry about work, or anything we were there together. We didn’t go on vacation with our children, or not visit them. Then I heard comments like, I don’t understand how fast her condition worsened. Let me say this, my wife Melinda suffered through her cancer for 16 years folks and I did with her too. We fought cancer for her and me in the same damn time periods, Her decline toward death was not fast, or sudden, it was slowly happening over the sixteen years. Yes, the fall she took at the beginning of her ending, affected her health. Yes, I did all I could to rush her to a hospital, yes I stayed and watched over her and put her through hospital days, tests, treatments, and then through rehab, not once mind you but twice in her final six months. Yes I brought my wife home and into hospice in her final days, so she would be near me, and in her own home. So I did it right, did you?

When she died in her hospice bed in our home I noticed the Hospice Nurse and then I notified her daughter. I did right in all ways I could. I worked with her daughter on her obituary, her urn and burial and yes I paid for all of it and her headstone too. Her daughter, her grandchildren, her sister or family, did not pay a dime for any of it, I did.

So, before you judge me, before you ignore me, or say I didn’t do enough, I did it all, where were you? Did you offer to pay a penny for your mom’s death, did you? No! Have you contacted me for anything other then to demand and request material things out of my home, that you wanted of hers? No!

Now as Thanksgiving is upon me, and my wife is gone and buried over 90 days and more, I am thankful for the time and years I had with her and I will always be. Happy Thanksgiving my love and wife, I miss you dearly, God Bless You!