Feb. 1st. 2023. Winter is still upon us here in Mass. and the temperatures will drop once more soon. I shall sit in my 956 sq. foot condo alone in the cold days and dream of the days when I had someone to cuddle to and keep warm. I miss the das when I had a good woman by myside to converse with, to laugh with, to cuddle to and enjoy one another, but, I also know in todays society and world, money drives everything and I am not rich. I have no money to buy love or sex, or even companionship, at times I can be grumpy like the old movie Grumpy Old Men, and at other times I can be fine and funny, It all depends on what is happening around me each day.

Because:

By William M. McCurrach

Feb. 1, 2023

Because I walk in silence,

I walk in peace,

Because I walk alone,

I do not need to search for peace.

Peace comes from the inner soul,

That part of you that makes you whole,

The comfort of being who you are,

No matter where you be, or how far.

Do not judge me and ask me why I am alone,

I may not be the only one alone.

I may not wish to be lonely and with no one,

But I am not a fool to fall and be used by someone.

Some want money, some want fame,

Some like to pay what I call mind games.

I prefer to avoid it all,

For I have lived loves and survived them all.

So I am asked why I have no girlfriend,

Or No lover in my life,

Because I am smart enough to not rush down,

Loves edge and get cut like a knife.

I prefer to stay free, and let things happen naturally,

And let the Good Lord make the choices for me.

I control not what my fate may be or even my destiny, but I do know i awake each day and try to just carry-on. We know not why the Good Lord put us upon this planet, but we do know we are here, for what reason, well, that only our lifetimes will tell us. I believe each of us are here on earth for certain things we do not understand, We are preprogrammed at birth to complete certain missions here on eartha nd when we complete those missions we get recalled to the Good Lord’s side. Life ends for all of us at some stage and we come to understand when it does that we have done all we can, and there is no more to do. We have no choice but to surrender to the ultimate fate of dying.

Fate, Destiny, whatever it may be, is it reall the truth of life for you and for me. I do not know, because i still am running on this world. Because i have no choice do I? No, I am stubborn, old, set in my ways and I shall continue to ne me day by day. I shall walk my own road, carry my own load, care for those i can and always be my own man. Isn’t that what life is about, being who you are meant to be, being you just because. You Tell me folks!

I do know, when I die my poems, stories and even my blogs will live online beyond my time. I know some will call them good and fine and some will say they are the worst of all time. I never have sought fame or fortune, so I write to let out what I feel, I hope over the ages and time, it will feel real to others too.

January 28th, 2023 has begun for me and I woke up at 4:30 am today. Why. I have no idea, I am 67 years old now, and I still have the mystery of what my body does and why not explained to me, nor do I understand it. We still continue daily and we do as our bodies and minds tell us to do. Why, well, we are human and we do not control what the Good Lord wants for us do we?

Anyway, life for me is a boring routine these days, wake up have coffee, look at e-mails, and maybe write a boh is I am in the mood fo rit, like now. Otherwise I watch television, play x-box, or I walk as much as I can till tired. On Mondays I go down and play blilards with the men and people who live in the condos I do, and on Thursdays I bowl. Now, for me at 67 there is not much more I can do these days, although I do miss the company and companionship of my wife, who passed on me in August of 2021. 18 months after she is gone, I am still alone with no woman in my life, and wondering if I shall have one ever again.

I have tried Zoosk and now Our Time also, finding that the dating sites do not seem to click for me, no matter how many profiles I click on or read. I get nervous trying to meet any females out there, and I do not understand the process anymore and I never have known how to flirt, guess at my age I wil lprobaly never learn either. I see othe rmen who all they do is flirt, and I am like what are they doing, I never understand it. I think I am an old fashioned man, lost in a world of the woke crowd and alone because the Good Lord wants it this way for me.

The Dating scene for people my age of 67 is rough and not easy to handle or understand anymore, for me. I guess, I have found all the women the good lord wanted me to be with by now and it is my job to just wind down my life slowly alone. Is it fate or destiny, stubborness or foolishness, i do not know, but, I live alone in 956 square feet, trying to survive. I get people telling me I should get out more, meet people in the area, volunteer, they say. Well, while in certain situations and enviroments I do interact some, I am tole I talk too much, and i scare the women away. What do you want from a 67 year old man who has spent the last 30 years, with a wife who died on him to do. Do you think I should be jumping women left and right, I doubt it and wouldn’t go there. The dating scene of today is nothing like the dtaing scene of yesteryear, it is different. The woke movement, covid scares, nuts with guns and more.

This is not the Americaq I grew up in anymore. We have politics gone crazy, disrespect for laws, lack of manners by many and so much more out there. So many saw join a dating site I did, I met two womenin now four months is all. Neither was a fit for me, and it seems I not for them either. So I wandr on my own walking malls and streets for exercise, sometimes build puzzles till bored, play x-box for fun, watch tv and read if I feel like it. I amnow one of the old men society I think and slowly wasting away in a way. I am reluctant to ask aby woman for a date, or out, because I do not think I am a catch they would want in anyway. My opinion of my chances are slim to none if I did it in my opinion. So I stay alone and surrender to the eventual.

Although I should get out and explore where I now live, I don’t. I seem to fall into patterns of life that are simple and easy. I don’t spend a lot of money. I am not rich folks, I live on disability and social security these days. I come and go to Doctors and Dentists, or if I get sick I go to clinics to to be checked out. Basically, the way I see it, if I have no one to share life with, I shall slowly fade away, it is how life is I gather, as I age for me.

I have had few loves in my life and I can honestly say, I can count them on one hand. I wa snever one to date alot, or get involved alot with the opposite sex. I smile at them, them at me and then we speak and I do not get past thefriend stage, at any point anymore. So I have surrendered to the fact I am meant to be alone at this stage in life, I told my sister at one point already, I bought this condo, and it is probally here, where you shall find me dead one day. For unless one invovles themself in the world and is active, one diminishes or fades and no one worries or cares about, people who stay alone. This is how we all pass away soone ror later isn’t it alone. I remember an old movie, called Grumpy Old Men, it starred Walter Matheau and Jack Lemon, who competed for a beautiful woman in ther old age. One gets the lady an dthe other gets left alone. I am now one of those grumpy old men like they were, alone on my own and just barely surviving. I am not competing for any woman’s attention, though. So, my demise wil lprobally come soon enough, we lal face the fact of our passing sooner of later don’t we?

Aging is a natural thing, out bodies slow down, our minds go on and in the end we begin to realize we are set in our ways also. We tend not to want to change much, for we know what worked to get us to the old age we are. I don’t run anymore like I did in my teens, there is no ice skating or roller skating these days. No climbing moutains or trails anymore either. I tried pickleball and hurt myself when I arrived here last year and delt out of place doing so, so I gave it up. I don’t heal as quickly as i di in my youth lol. I may go back tp pickleball for somethoing to do when the weathe ris wamer and if I make sure I am dressed for it, in the right sneakers.

I used to love fishing also, but everything these days cost money. I still like the outdoors and always will, fresh air is good for us all. In the end, I know, I am alone, and wil probally stay that way. I don’t have the sense of humor I used to anymore either it seems and little things get to me. maybe it’s because I am always alone that it matters, but I seem to avoid most things these days. Life is right now boring, depressing and in all reality just a day to day routine for me, so I know unless it changes or I meet someone to change it, this is it, in my case. The good lord is picking how and where my life shall end not I.

Friday has come around once more, and i am now 5 days from being 67. I find it amazing I am still kicking at this age. I have been through enougha nd i am getting tired out, it feels to me. Each day I wake up thinking what am I doing here and why?

My wife has now beem gone for over 17 going on 18 months, and i am still alone and know no one around me really. Being alone takes time to get used to again in life after you had a long term relationship taht wnet 28 years. So it is always one day at a time, and it is alonely world when you get older, more do not want to bother with you due to age. Then we have the covid effect and all that goes with it, the economy isgetting worse and the political climate sucks.

Since I have never learned to flirt in anyway, I am just me day by day. So I say nothing to any women really, and watch from afar. Loneliness sets in, then ya get depressed and then ya just surrender is all. Never was abig ladies man, nor was I one to chase women around. So, even when I do see someone or meet someone online I have no idea what to do or say. It feels like i am in a world out of sync to me and lost.

Now I have tried dating web sites and talked to some women, but then, I don’t meet them all or drive all around trying to either, I am not interested in traveling 50 miles or more to meet someone.Web sites don’t work if you ask me I have tried Zoosk and OurTime and find them to be filled with old profiles and reusing them and of course the scammers who only want money. It is sad really.

Then you have the Adult Sites like Adultfriendfinder and others, offereing ways to meet people for different sexual acts and such and for creating relationships for sexual acts or lifestyles. Again, scams in many ways and they don’t work either in my book, for in todays world, people are scared, too many crazy people in the world, too many desperate people in the world and of course scammers who wnat money, not just relationships or friendships. Sad world we live in today for sure.

As to what is next for me, i do not know, I do what I always do, I walk when I can, for health reasons, I play x-box on and off, I watch movies and tv shows, I write blogs and poems and stories when it hits me to. I chat online for fun also. I play billards once a week and bowl also once a week right now. I tried pickle ball, hurt my ankle, and didn’t go back since. Maybe in the spring I will try again. I tried fishing some last year in the lake here, but no fish bit lol.

Life is a series of the same events for me daily, sometime I read and sometimes i build puzzles is all. Will it change I have no idea, I know nothing of the state I live in here, Massachuetts here, Worcester County, or the town I live in Westborough. So I struggle daily tryingto get around and oit into the public. So I see or know or have met no one. Life is not easy as you age and it seems that no matter what you do, the fates and destinies and the Good Lord drive your life without you knowing why. You tend to finally just give up and hope for the best. Life shall go on, until it doesn’t for me, time shall tell, nut as i said before nice guys finish last and alone. I am beggining to believe and understand that now a days.

Lets start easy ladies,

1. Are you single, divorced or widowed and in the 55 plus category for women and straight?
2. Do you like being alone and not dating?
3. Are you looking for dates if you are 55 plus and female out there?

These are just a few of my starting questions I have for women of the world and especially in The USA!

Further Questions:

4) Being 55 plus and single, divorced or widowed, what do you look for in men?

5) Are you in bars, taverns or clubs, to meet men or elsewhere?

6) What qualities do you look for in men, that attracts you?

7) How important is sex to you, after 55 and up and is it vital for any relationship?

8) Do you seek companionship, or one night stands, or friends with benefits? Or Long Term Relationships?

9) How many dates does it take for you to believe you are in a relationship with a man?

10) Do you look for honesty?

11) Do you look for compassion, understanding, and loyality? if so, how much so?

12) What is the most important thing to you, about a relationship with a man?

13) Does covid affect your dating process and how?

14) How do you overcome covid and trust issues in your relationships?

15) Do you date from online dating sites, and do you find them reliable and good?

Lets start with these questions Ladies/ Women and see what your answers are, I am looking for honest answers here only, please do not get angry over the questions. The intention here is to learn something as a man and help others as well as you women, to understand what each side is seeking out here.

I live in Westborough, Ma., a sleepy small town. There are limited things to do here to meet the oppposite sex, so I would also like to know what or where to meet women 55 plus around here for fun times. I do walk some, I also play billards and bowl. So, what do the women all really like to do on dates? I know dinner is always good, but I want to know activity wise and not just pickleball please.

You can answer here on my blog page, or you can e-mail me, at bmccurrach20@gmail.com with replies. If the answers are decent and not angry or outragious or mean, I will answer back, for discussion if you like. Just ask!

I hope to get some replies and to learn from this all, and help others also. Lets see if the women, will respond to honest questions! I will wait and see,

Bring it Women, let me hear you roar,so I may learn more.

MLK Day is here, and soon enough I turn 67 years old, January is flying by. As the politics fly by, reports of documents and deaths and more, I wonder, whats next for me. I live alone in a 55 plus community, and as my sister said, don’t get involved with the women, they all talk, and it will spread like wildfire.

So I stay alone and try to get along on my own hoping to run into a decent woman somewhere up here. I play pool on Monday, evenings, bowl on Thursday evenings, and then chat online and have profiles on dating sites. But so far no real match, pretty women yes, but, not a match as of yet.

As we age, we tend to not know how to flirt anymore, or what to do once we become alone once more in life. I suffer from this daily. I never did learn to flirt, so as I age it is rougher for me to find women to date. I try dating sites like Zoosk, and OurTime and such, find some nice profiles chat and have dated two, but no fit as of yet. I guess it is a process, I have to live through. I hate phonies or people after just your money. It happens online always.

Look I hate complaining I really do, but, what the hell is this shit online. Ya chat, and pay for dating sites and you hit a wall, because people aren’t honest, open or trusting anymore in this world we live in. Why is it now, the best way to meet someone may be in taverns and bars, and everyone wants to drink? Is there anything else to do in this day and age? or are we now a society or drinkers and drunks? Or are we now a society that depends on dalcohol and drungs to interatact and get along. what is it?

Anyway trying to get back out there and find someone to spend quality time with at 67 years old soon, is not easy. People my age usually stay home and try to relax in the evenings and watch tv or read or go to friends or relatives for company. Stranger danger is a problem, and trust is a commodity few have anymore. Any relationship is built on trust, honesty, and then you have to navigate around assholes and covid too, It’s a tough world out there. As much as i love females, the requirements and demands they have these days can be frustrating to say the least, and the men do it also to themselves.

We are too judgemental and we don’t tend to understand no one is perfect, and we all have our faults and problems. We need to learn to compromise and make do. No person is perfecta nd we all make mistakes folks, learn it and make do.

Dating in todays, day and age is rough for all, but more so for those of us 55 and above. What we need is a more open mind and heart and some trust to give it all a try. Respect those you meet yes, be polite yes, but be realistic if your 55 plus and single. We have to realize we all have lived a life already and bring our own baggage with us forward. No one is perfect. Dating in the 2020’s era wil get more complicated and more fussy out of fear of covid, and more. If we sit back and do not open ourselves to possibilities there will always be lonely people out here !

Whats next in life, lets see, I started life and then overcame 99 siezures as a baby, by being dropped on my head at 9 months old. Then, worked my way up in age, with attention deficiet disorder and hyperactivity, having trouble in school and at home.

By, the time I reached 12 years old I had been put into a Institution for Emotionally danaged children and released. I went back to Grammer School and graduated as all the other students stared at me, like i was a freak or outcast.

Then I went on to High School years, where I would not make it through because I was too distracted by too many things. Yet I made friends there and when I did drop out I kept some. I went onto go to work in factories then, working sometimes 80 hours a week. Yet I did not really fit in anywhere, I was like an odd wheel in a square world so to say. Just not one to fit any model or mode that there was.

I left home and went on to join the Army first, then The Army National Guard and finished in The US Navy, for a total service time of 16 years. I had a marriage and two daughters and I did the service for them not for me, until I was injuried. We had homes and two of everything, until I was Discharged Medically under Honorable Conditions. Then that marriage and my daughters were gone one day when my first wife decided she wanted a divorce. I never fought it and I lost my daughters in the process.

Overcoming had by then become a way of life for me, I went thru a very bleak couple of years then, walking the streets and living in a YMCA. Struggling job to jon, meal to meal. I even worked to eat, cleaning resturants and doing dishes. Making menus, I still survived.

I went through the loss of my parents who died each of cancer, in their fifties, when I was in my 30’s. I not only lost my parents I lost my step-father who raised me to it also. I survived and paid my part to bury those who raised me. It’s called life I always have said we do not live for ourselves but fot others.

I continued, and foung a woman, I loved and spent 28 years with, I married her. God Bless her soul, for she passed on me also from cancer and I have never missed aperson more than her. Pretty, smart, able to communicate and always there she was with me. We had two of everything, like my first marriage,except children. I never wanted more children and missed my two daughters until I comtacted them after they reached legal age. Nut, ny then my daughters were not interested inhaving a father, they wanted a piggy bank, a ATM as one of them called me. Well thea ended those rerlationships basically for me, I am nobodys fool nor shall I be used by anyone, in such ways. I love my daughters and their children too, but, I am no fool. I went back to school, at 37 to graduate at 40, and get a Degree. How many do that!

Life continued as i said for me, and my wife too. Then came the sad endings once more for me. First I stood side by side and helped my wife with her breast cancer over 16 years. Doctors, hospitals, chemo, radiation, remission finally. Then I got cancer in the middle, lung cancer almost got me, but I wa slucky, I losta lone and a third of my right lung but survived. Then my wife’s cancer roared back. We battled it, my wife and I, till agter a 16 year fight the cancer in her would not disappear. We turned from chemo and radiation when it would not work anymore to immunio theraphy for her. In the end itfailed, cancer keeps coming. I took her to Doctors, tests, Chemo, radiation, Immunio-theraphy and all failed. In the end, she was in and out of hospitals, rehab facilities and back home and back in twice in her final six months. In the end i went to see her down the road in the Rehab dacility she was in and she couldn’t feed herself anymore, no one was feeding ger now, so I brought her home amd hospiced her for her final ten days of life. She passed at least with me near in our home we shared together knowing I loved her, and she lobed me, for those were the final words we spoke to one another. I kept my word to her, I burioed her next to her son she had lost when he was younger. And I prepared the headstone for both of us, so I will be buried next to her whenI go too. I paid for all, and went through the motions in tears and sobbing, but I did it all.

Today I have sold all my wife and i owned together an dleft the area we lived in and the home we had behind. Why, some ask me, simple, I could not live there and not be depressed any further, by her memory. I love now in a new state, a new condo and I am trying exteremly hard to start a new life for I am now only 66 about to turn 67. Life is lonely and yes I miss my deceased wife and I talk to her picture daily telling her I miss her. I ma old now, at least it feels that way to me, I have seen the world, I have loved two women and had two daughters and two different loves. Creating a third one is tiring for me now. It is hard, for I am old my body is aching, my joints hurt, my muscles don’t work the same anymore and even my teeth are failing now and I meed massive repairs. As my wife wasdying, I was grinding my teeth down in my sleep in worry, so I have bad teeth now and tey are being crowned and capped and more now.

Someone asked me what I want next in life, I just want peace, to be able to have a female for companionship, someone i can communicate with, and laugh with and enjoy. I want to be able to relax and basically hope to die in peace without pain. Will that happen for me I do not know, for I have no control over fate or destiny, but I only comtrol my own actions daily. I now go day by day when I wake up to when I sleep.

Fate and destiny has kept me alive this far and I am here for some reason, I do not know why, anymore then anyone else may. I have a belief, that we are all placed here, upon this planet for a reason none of us can fanthom as we go thru life. We have our mission to complete, in someway, someday, and then we are recalled to from whence we came in the end. The Good Lord puts us here for us to interact with other human beings, in the end we shall all be remembered not for the money we made, the possessions we owned, but for how we treated others in life. People do not stand over graves, and cry, over material possessions folks, they stand over graves and cry ove rthe person they miss, the onethat treated them well and respected them and was always there for them. Those are the ones we miss, those are the ones we would like back in our lives again. We are remembered for how we treat others and only loved for that reason, always remember that! Remember, as you go through life, it is the interactions you have with others, how you treat them, that makes your memory to them worthwhile and as long as you live in their memories, will be how long your legacy really will be.

January 6th, 2023, began at 5:30 am for me, I awoke onc emore with back spasms and pain, which is fast becoming the normal for me these days. Yet, I persist, and keep walking, and doing what I have to survive is all.

These days I tend to watch the Celtics and the NFL when I can when they are on. I love both, but, refuse to pay the prices to go see them live, they are just crazy. Being elderly, on Social Security and disability, I tend to watch my money closely and go day by day the best I can.

When, you get to a certain age like me, in your mid to high 60’s, you just want peace and quiet and in the end, someone to share it with. I have the peace and quiet now, I miss having the someone to share it with. My guess is, I will have to get out and find someone to be with, but to do so, I will have to learn the area I live in, here in Massachuetts.

Well, I do play pool on Monday evenings with the gang at the clubhouse for fun, Then on Thursdays I Bowl for fun too with the group here from the condos I live in. Walking I try to do daily if i am up to it and my back lets me, these days. In the meantime I write my blogs here, chat online and watch mobies and shows. I started a puzzle a while back but it is like the 5th one since last March when I moved here, but, I got bored with it all, so it sits waiting. I read now and then, but you can only read so much before you get bored also.

So, what do tou do, when your going on 67 in a few days, and you have a back that goes out on you and you live alone? I am not sure it would have been any different for me in Connecticut, then it is now in Massachuetts, age is now becoming a determining factor in all I do or try to do. I have seen card playing clubs here, majong playing cluns and domino playing clubs here also, but I have not joined them. I am tending to avoid gettng involved with the women here in the condos I live in, gossip would rule the place if I did and women tend to talk. Plus I do not beed to as one put it to me, shit in my own backyard, it would make living here a drama circus on a daily basis.

So I guess I shall start looking for things to do and places to go. Maybe events, or clubs, I don’t know what the area I live in offeres up here. Most I have looked ta here in Westborough is geared for the younger crowd of course, so I shall have to expand my looking some to see what else there is. Maybe, try to look into Meet-Up and their events, or things along those lines. Most of what I see so far in this area is aimed at younger crowds and couples, not senior singles.

Anyway that will give all an idea what is happening for me here, so far on my new life. I have been watching this farce on a vote for Speaker of The house happen now for three days and 11 rounds. Now, let me say this, if I ran 11 times for the same position and my peers didn’t vote to give me the Gavel and Seat, I would drop out, from pure embarrasement! How can Kevin McCarthy sit there through each vote and know they don’t want him as Speaker of The House and keep going? It must be humiliating at the least.

Will he get The Speaker of The hOuse position and Gavel eventually, naybe, but, what shall be left isa spineless, weal Speaker of the House, he is giving away far too many concessions period. You can’t be Speaker of the House under the concessions he is giving away. He will be the shortest term ever for a Speaker.

In the meantime the Legislative Branch of our Governement is basically shut down and incoming Representives can not be sworn in either. Things have come to a stop in The House and McCarthy has not budged and is stubborn and so are his opponents, sadly. The damage this battle is causing to the country and the Republican Party, will not disappear if McCarthy gets the gavel and Spreakers seat, for a long while. You can’t have a Speaker of the House who has no spine or backbone or power left, because he gave it all up, to get the seat. It won’t work, the Republican party wil run over McCarthy and he will look like an ass.

Next subject to tackle, so to say. The near death of a young 24 year old NFL Player due to heart problems here. I doubt very much if the illness or almost death of Dumar Hamlin, will be blames on the NFL in anyway. First off the condition that happened to him, is a rarity in and ofitself in sports and in the NFL. When one plays the game of football one understands that you are taking a chance in the first place for it is a violent sport. Secondly, I believe it was a hidden condition Hamlin either did not know he had, or did know but woul dnot admit to, because it was his goal to play in The NFL. Now, I am not saying Hamlin hid the condition, I am saying this condition he suffered, is a rare one and is nota common occurance at all. The NFL did the right thing and did it as fast as possible, the equipment and ambulance needed and medical staff were present and kept Hamlin alive. I am sure The NFL and The Bufflao Bills Organizations are covering all the costs for his care now, as he slowly recovers, Hamlin will neve rplay football again in my opinion, the danger of someone with his conditions and what he has experienced now having it happening again are high. God Bless Hamlin and keep him alive and bring him back to health,

Yes I cover many subjects in my blogs on and off and i know sometimes it seems likea scattershot view of the world I present. When you get to a certain age, you have more time to listen to news of all kinds don’t you! LOL!

The world has changed in so many different ways in my lifetime. While the constants remain as standards the society in America goes up and down and changes always. The status of men and women go up and down with each generation of mankind it seems. We argue over who is the more dominant sex, who can hold what jobs, who has what options in life and why. We argue over common care and health for all, we argue over who has earned retirement or not, and so much more. In the end, are we not all equal, whether we are male or female, black, white, hispanic or asian? We all want the same things, to be able to stay healthy, to be able to earn our own way, to live peacefully and in the end, die in peace too. So tell me, why do we argue over the color of our skins, or the races we are part of, the answer is simple, we all want the same things in life, but we tend to blame others for not getting them. If you don’t get what you want, it is usually because you don’t press to go get it yourself, or you allow others to push or shove you aside and they take it. Do, yourself a favor folks, no matter what your age, color, race or anyother thing may be, never surrender, never give up and in the end go for what you wnat most that wil make you happy in life. If you don’t we only have so long on this planet, it is your own fault. Not everything is easy folks and the world and society competes at everything out there, make sure you do too, or you shall lose out. It’s just a bare fact all must face in the world and deal with each day.

OK, January 4th, 2023 is upon us all. The New Year is beggining to roll in well, as I hear of old friends passing away, who I knew in my younger days. Sadly, we can’t live forever folks, none of us will, and we need to accept it and our owb humanity and do the best we can while here on earth.

Life is too short not to do what you like best, whether it be reading, writing, exercising, walking, talking, entertainiong or anything else you can think of. Do what makes you happiest, do what makes you deel unique and you and do it for yourself and so others will know who you really are, before you depart this planet, I alwayshave said we are here to do what the Good Lord gave us to get done, what exactly it is we shall never know, and onc eit is done we get recalled to the side of the Father, our time is done.

So, do me a favor folks, live, live happy, live fully, live to make your heart and the hearts of those you love content. Remember the one thing none of us seem not to, when we depart Mother Earth, we are remembere3d not for how many material things we have or how much money we have, we are remembered for how we treat others, and that is how it works. The memories we leave behind with family and old friends is how history will remember us, I can say that time and gain and shall.

Once, it is over, it is over folks, there is no breaching the wall to comebac, there is no magical return to life. We go back to where we came from once we pass, and that is no lie. Now, I know it sounds sad, and it sounds like defeatism, but it isn’t folks, what I am saying is life is too damn short to not have agood time, love who you shall, laugh as you will, enjoy all you can and most of all, treat others with respect, honor, dignity and be remembered for being you.

Changes arecoming in our country and in the world everyday. Wars are fought, politics are acted out, and people live, laugh, cry and die daily. We have lost many famous, we have lost many brave, and one thing I can tell you as an American who served his country for 16 years in three branches of service, we are the greatest nation in the world period and will always be as long as we have a constitution, and a republic and we maintain it and not destroy ourselves from within. Once more I remind all, what Ben, Franklin said one the Constitution was signed and the Nation began, We have a republic now under a democratic rule and we shall have it as long as we maintain it, and protect it. Never forget folks, how lucky you are to have the freedoms you have, to vote, to go where you please, to work as you please, to beable to bear arms as necessary, to be able to pray and whorship as you wish and to have equal rights. We, Americans are the lucky ones, for our forefathers mad eit so and it is our job to mainatain it and bette rit not destroy it.

I know not what others served their country for i know only me. I served for 16 years, I gave my body and soul to the belief o f what this country is. I derved for those i loved, to keep them safe, it wasn’t for me. I got injuried on duty and I tried to stay in more was was forced out. I do not and will never regret the yeras i spent in the military or the lessons i learned while serving, and in the end I am a Proud Disabled American Veteran. I shall die one too, screaming if I have to, keep America Free, to keep our rights and our comforts and in the end, to keep America great as it is. I shall never spouse stupid MAGA Chants or wear stupid MAGA hats, nor shall I ever allow anyone to tell me who or what to vote for. But, I shall vote my heart and my head and do so honestly and not cry or complain win or lose, for no where else in the world do they have a right to choose. God Bless America!

January 2nd, 2023, a new Year, a second day and away we go is what they say. What is the next big story or thing to happen, don’t know but, I am sure something will. Each day isa mystery to me and I awake and my mind spins and thinks and yet, I am alone here always. Ever since the passing of my wife in August of 2021, I have stayed alone, on my own and bothered no one. I don’t approach women much and iI definitely have dated no one, it seems. I do not wish to play comparrison games, in anyway, so I basically let the women pass me by. I smile, laugh and joke and then just move on. I don’t believe I am any women’s dream at almost 67 soon.

My birthday is a few weeks away now, and I would never believe I would be alive at this time or age. MY life has been one thing after another and in someway I am surving still. It is a bit of a mystery to me, and not easy to be alone in a world as it is today. Crazy as the world is I watch it go by and stay alone and survive on pure emotions and physical abilities and what I have learned to do in my life. As we age we do become more self-sufficient don’t we.

Anyway, the dating things and meeting of the opposite sex is not happening in my case. I tend to mind my own and avoid any mention of dating. I am lobely yes, andi am tire dof being alone, yet, I fear rejection, I am no spring chicken anymore so to say. The Dating scene when you hit your sixties goes to shit folks, people are already set in their ways, physically, mentally and emotionally and to find compatability under thos situations is rough. No one ones to compromise of change in their 60’s and many are like me widowers, or divorcees.

We all act like we want someone, but when we see someone we don’t know how to make an approach, or if we should it becomes wishy washy so to say and we stumble and walk away. I know been there now many times, and I won’t make the mistake of getting involved with someone who will blab, talk or compare me to another rman, or is in my immediate area these days, like I was told, Never shit in your own backyard. I loive in a condo in a tight knit area os 55 plus people. It is like being in a mall of people, and if you say or do one thing wrong it spreads like wildfire, all around you. So no matter how many women I meet or see here, in this condo compound, I do not cross the line, doing so, would be dangerous and nasty I think if something went wrong.

Sometimes it is crazy, I steer clear of it when that happens. MY mother God Rest her soul, told me when I was young, don’t ever hang your meat in public outside your butcher shop, it can either go bad, or get cut off. LOL, She had a point, and if any man ever lived in a condo compound like i do, they would know, women talk about men, like we do about them. I just don’t like being part of a meat market situation, where they ladies are screaming Where’s the Beef!

For those of us 55 and up, who end up widowed or divorced, we tend to be careful with who we date or meet, for any reason, but more so when we are alone and hoping to find someone. We set high standards for ourselves and for those we meet or want to be with. What we forget is, the fact we are alone and will stay alone unless we can basically, find a way to compromise out standards or values it is how we shall stay. We tend to use past relationships to judge and choose present ones a little too much. So, the comparrison makes it difficult, to attack to or find someone.

The dating scene is tough these days as it is, and we struggle through it all. Money is tight, and people are fussy. We tend to use the past to compare against and in the end, it doesn’t always work, we tend to find out if we don’t take a chance we will never find romance again. Romance only happens if we allow it to, but few of us have the guts to do so. In the way we end up alone more than anything else. Ah life goes on anyway doesn’t it? We tend to end up lonely and sometimes angry because we feel we can’t find someone to be with, but in the end it becomes our own fault, doesn’t it!

December 31st, 2022, the end of the year is here folks and soon enough 2023 shall start, hopefully for all a new year, a new beggining or a restart and new ways to do things again. Hopefullu, those of us who have suffered loss, in one way or another can find a way to move on and enjoy life again. I know today that it is hard to move on from the loss of a loved one, I lost my wife to cancer in 2021, and wish to God she was here today, but she is gone.

I remain alone now 17 months after her passing, stumbling through life, and going day by day, feeling hopeless to find any female companionship of any kind. Most women are nice enough, but I shy from asking them out, or dating anyone, I don’t think any of them would be interested in me at 66 years old. Plus I fear rejection and at times incompatability and being taken for money or used. There is a danger when you get widowed and alone aftyer a long relationship or marriage, so I tend to avoid involvement or approaching any woman. I watch and walk by, I may admire, but, will never approach, it actually makes me uneasy to try, for I feel lost here in a new state and area.

Some have said I should try Dating Apps like Zoosk, or Ourtime or others, I have tried a few and in the end, I got no where so far. It sems to me, I find these dating apps full of phoney profiles, old ones and players or scammers who onoy want money. I find it sad that they don’t make women, who find someone, or who are looking to scam a man leave and take down their profiles. The upkeep is less than I expected. and in the end the cost can hurt a senior persons’ income, if not careful!

Don’t get me wrong folks, I love women, but I try to avoid comparing them to each other or to my deceased wife it is not fair to them in my mind or heart. So, I watch from a far and just mind my own these days, I care for and clean my condo, and my car, do my own cooking and laundry and walk a lot. I walk outdoors here or I walk a mall nearby.

I have taken up bowling which I enjoy in a league here, but that wil end soon enough I believe. I do play pool with some gents here in my condo area, and that is about it for me. My life is not taverns or bars, and although I may go once in a blue moon I do so alone and barely talk to anyone really. I am not your social animal, that many others are. I guess I am like a lone wolf, who is tired of being a lone wolf and stuck in that mode these days, out of fear of rejection or being used. Even lone wolves get tire dof being alone, as to what to do next I have no idea.

As the New Year begins, I do not make resolutions in fact never have like many do. I go day by day and try to live my life to the best I can. I don’t spend money or go crazy at times. I pay my bills and live in my own 956 sq. Feet condo, in sleepy Westborough, Mass. I write books, blogs and poems, and chat onlone for fun. I watch movies and television shows, and keep to myself, yes i laugh, yes I try to have fun, yet I am alone in a world that can be cruel, mean and unreasonable for many reasons or ways. Life shall go on for me, if I die alone well it is then my fate or destiny and no one can control fate or destiny, anymore than Mother Nature can control Father time or vice versa.