As we age and I am surely at 67, we tend to think we know enough of our own bodies, to handle ourselves and be fine. But sometimes we make mistakes and we survive them and go, damn I was lucky. Recently I was having a problem where my vison blurred and gas built up in my gut so to say. I had diarria for a few weeks and gas build up, a lil light headed and just went ah I am getting old, to myself.

Yet I didnt think it was anything big, so I tried to stop some medications I take, to alieviate the dizziness and the gas build up. BUt my condition got worse in about two days time and I had no choice but to go to my Doctor for help. I was bloated, I was slightly dizzy, my vison was not well either.

I went in to my Doctor and she did a full exam of me starting with my Blood Pressure. Surprise my Blood Pressure was sky high, 215 over 99. She checked my back injuries and my bloating too. Then she ordered new meds, and wouldn’t let me go home until my Blood Pressure came down. That took about a full hour of time. She took my blood pressure every 30 minutes after she gave me new meds for it.

Turns out I was close to a stroke for sure. A few more points higher and I would have been passed out and on a stretcher, on my way to a Emergency Room. We all learn lessons sometimes the hard way, I did. I have 6 herniared discs in my spine, siatica and Blood Pressure problems. Because of the gas build up, and diarria I stopped taking my meds. As my doctor said bad choice, call if I need to or go to the ER, never stop medications.

It has been over a day now and it has taken that long for me to get back to normal. It was indeed a bad decision and as my doctor told me to let her be the doctor not me, from now on.

I live alone these days, since my wife died in 2021 from cancer. I survive lung cancer in 2013 myself, so September it will be 10 years as a survivor. I wa slucky my wife was not, sadly. I miss her and her knowledge, her companionship,, our interactions and her actions and more. Living alone is rough I get lonely, depressed and then try to walk it off. I feel isolated all the time and a 596 Square foot condo, doesn’t do a thing for me. I know nothing of the area I live in, so I spend many hours and days alone. Isolation I am told is not good for people. I agree but I am in a new rown, new state and area and know no one or anything to do here. SO I end up building puzzles, reading books, and walking. I don’t drink, or do drugs and I tend to shy from social events, I always feel like i don’t fit in, so I avoid it all.

The only question that remains to be answered for me is a simple one, how long can one live under my situation, each day, is a lonely one for me. I have no relatives near me, I don’t make friends easily either. So I guess I am like one of those Grumpy Old Men like in that movie. I go day by day in the same way, so time will tell I am sure. One day at a time is all I can do alone.

Decisions we make as we head to the end of life, are not always the best ones for us. We sometimes regret them, for we are forced into speedy decisions based on circumstances. Many a time it is fate and destiny that causes the decisions and other times is is out influences, we never know which will determine it all for us, do we?

I have made many decisions in my life, most I do not regret, but like all humanity, I too have a few I do regret. Now, the latest regret was counting on people I thought would be around and help me out. But, once things went the way they convinced me to go, they tend to disappear from ones. life, leaving you to struggle on alone.

Lets start, when your young, you have no decison whom you are born to or whom your parents will be. You grow a bit and you have no decision in where you live or how you live, because you depend on the parents you were born to. You have no choice in who your siblings are or how they will treat you or you them either it develops as you grow. Many cases siblings grow apart and distant from one another, some stay close others do their thing and end up crying in later years about being estranged. You try to inform them as you grow of what they are doing, but they don’t listen and in the end, it happens anyway.

Then when you get to your teens you find friends and you hang together laugh a lot and have fun. But that also changes as do girlfriends and boyfriends as you are working it all out. Then in your later teens you start to decide, what you really want, because you are allowed now to make your own decisions. As you age life changes, responisibilties come into pl, and you either accept them or you run or avoid them. Each person does it differently and i don’t knock it, yet, it isn’t always right is it?

At some point usually in your mid to late 20’s you start to settle down, you stop partying always and work more, pay your bills and makea life that you feel is best for you. You settle in and make your own family, and it starts a new, next cycle in your life. You may have kids to raise and more decisions to make or course. but, is is acceptable to you and the one you partner with. So, life turns into a lil house, some kids, and two of everything, plus bills to pay for it all. Work bec0omes a preoccupation for you and the routine sets in. You live it because you like the stability of it, but it does’t always continue for all of us does it? No some of us get restless, or bored, or fall out of love and end up in divorces. Life becomesa major mess then for both sides, husband and wife and the children get damaged too. Yet we are a resilent humanity and we tend to pick ourselves up and move on. It doesnt always happen that way for all of us, for we lose what we want for different reasons, or causes. Some are ar eown reasons, and some are causes we can not control like disease, sickness, and accidental deaths. I know because i have been through some myself, one like divorce and a second from my wife dying of cancer and my facing it myself and surviving it.

When you lose someone to something you have no control over, you tend to get depressed, sad, and lonely and in the end you don’t know what to do anymore. It happened to me, my wife died of cancer I needed to get out of the house she died in I couldn’t live there anymore, so I sold it. Then, I took the advice of friends and tried to move closer to a relative to survive. That doesn’t always work out either, so I ended up ina 55 plus condo area, and alone. I thought it wasa decent decision on my part, until I realized, it is dead boring living this way. People are set in their ways and there is no way you can finda relationship under condo situations. You can’t date your neighbors, Si dating in a condo community is not a good idea period.

Been through online dating sites and found them to be lacking in many ways. Secondly, people want money for them and so do the people using them. So you get taken and used and find silly things about the ones you meet on them. SO I shut all the prfiles down, on Zoosk, OurTime and others and gave up. if it doesn’t happen organically, in person for me it won’t happen online. So you get stuck in a rut and you learn to live alone and just hang on each day you wake up. At some point you give up looking for someone to share life with and you just carryon alone finding hobbies to do, like walking, reading, building puzzles, computer chats, or fishing if your into it. You stop looking and just do your thing and stop hoping anymore.

There comes a point, we stop trying anymore and just carryon until, we reach the point we know, our own ending isn’t too far off. we don’t want to bea pain in the ass to anyone else, we don’t impose on others and we avoid contact in most cases then, Isolation will get ya too if your not careful. The biggest killer in human history is isolation. For humanity needs one another to continue on. once you have no interaction or connections with others, you life begins to slow down and so does your energy and will to live. it’s just a fact is all.

Whats next is the routine I end up with daily now, wake, coffee, tv, walk. Read some, build a puzzle, back to tv, and walking and tv and then bed. Life becomes a misery trail in isolation situations. One thing none of us want in life is to be pittied, or watched over all the time, pity parties suck. So you just shut up, live alone, shop alone and carryon like all is normal when you know it really isn’t what you want. So what does one really do?

Sometimes, decisions are not for us to make anymore, it is up to fate and destiny, so we just accept it and carryon, until we can’t anymore. Thats life folks, isn’t it?

Lines- There are lines in society, and human kind. The lines are by many clear and stuck to by many.
For Instance, Men and women, It is assumed men do things better than women, it is a lie. A woman can do whatever a man does just as well.
Politics- We have conservatives and liberals correct. while some views are different between the two parties, which is why they are labeled so in America and in it’s history, isn’t is also true both parties want the same things for america, freedom. a good economy, eductaion for all and more?
Lines are drawn between many things we as human being put in place, because we do not look beyond our own limited visions. There are no real lines between black, white oriental, or hispanics. We draw the lines, by our own racial views, which we have due to our own fears and hatereds.
As time goes forward in America, even with all of the lines we have drawn and try to ahere to, there is really only one way to stop evil, corruption or dangers from occurring causing them, unless all of us unite to do so as one race, the human race. Mankind has to unite to stop it all, and realize no one is better than the whole.
There is one clear line that all must face at one time or another in their lives, the line between good and evil, guilty and not guilty, always comes up does it not? One thing is clear, Americans muct come to realize, if you want a better nation, The Only Way, is to elect Presidents who are intelligent, logical, and who can work with others in Congress on both sides. If we don’t, do away with those with criminal records. illegal acts, we are hurting ourselves, at home and abroad. I have watched men become Presidents who should have never been and should never be, all because they found the words to divide us and get followers to follow them, who do not fully think out what they are doing.

Some lines that exist today, the Forefathers of America, did not consider or think or, they lived in a different era, and time. Yet the Forefathers of America did create the Constitution and it started witha simple phrase, We The People, In Order to Create a Perect Union. Remember it is we the people who must decide, how we wish to live, who we elect, whether we keep our freedoms or not. Ben Franklin on the day The Constitution was signed said it best, ” We shall have, a Republic only for as long as we the people maintain and adhere to it.”

When we the people, blindly follow corrupt individuals and elect them to office we are giving ourselves problems we do not need or wnat in America. We the People, our voting rights are vital to us all and we must use them with intelligence and be careful who we allow to run for office, how we listen to them, and in the end we must live with our choices also. For in the end you are asking men and women to accept the mantle of leadership, and counting on them to make the right decisions to keep food on our tables, jobs for us to work, hamoes over our heads and equal justice for all. Presidents are not Kings, they are not dictators, and we must also keep in mind they are human and all humanity makes mistakes. To avoid those mistakes, The Forefathers put in place three equal branches of Government here in America. They are to balance it and make it work for all the people, not themselves for financial gains, not for themselves and their cronies to benefit the rich, not to over look the poor either but for all the people. We must remember as time moves forward and mankind continues, our form of government is still the best the world has ever seen. It allows all to have a voice in it who live in America, no other country does that so well.

Lines-are drawn ladies and gentlemen, we must remember we draw them, we can tear trhem downa nd take them away also. I remind all of some simple facts, that human kind and all in the world should see. 1) Skin color is nothing but what we make of it. Stick your predijuce and discriminations up your asses. I don’t care if you are black, white, hispanic or oriental, we are all the same. We all wake up each mortning we are alive and want to achieve and survive in this world. We all wash our faces and brush our teeth, we all shower and dress or bath and dress or wash in someway. We all want to have the right to speak, eat and work. We all want our families safe, we all want the samethings, yet we are dumb enough to sit back and raw lines why? Please tell me why? Long ago way back in the 1960’s, when I wasa young boy, playing in my backyard in a project among a mixed neighborhood, I learned that, kindness knows no color, respect is wanted by all. I also learned that color, race, ethinicity means nothing, we build out own fears, our own predijuces and we learn to diecriminate. One simple act showed me that color didn’t matter, I wasa white child, I got stung by bee, while trying to capture one in a jar. I cried and was hurt, and a door opened anda black woman ran out to comfort me, and she put a mud pack on the sting and removed the stinger for me. She didn’t care if I was white, I didn’t care if she was black, it was an act of kindness all humankind is capable of and she did what she did on her own. I have never been predijuce nor do I discriminate, it was a lesson well learned thru an act of kindness.

LInes we draw in America include racial lines, political lines, lines of democrates vs republicans and independents too. We draw these lines no one else but, the human beings we are. We do so based on fears, issues, and lies. We must stop drawing lines, between political parties, colors, races, and unite, over being Americans. I had one person try to bad mouth a black person to me, once, my answer was not as a white man, or a black man or a hispanic or oriental, it was as a human being, I served my country for 16 years in three branches of service and I am a disabled veteran. It just happened to have occurred at a VA Hospital, and my response was simple, straight forward and honest, I don’t care what color his skin is, or what nationality he is, or what race, he served beside me, he did the same duties I did, and he did it for the same reasons I did. We believe in America, we beliive in protecting our rights, our families, our way of life. We did it side by side, so get out of my face with your predijuce or discrimination, or fears. Id efended America he did too and we can live side by side in peace, so stick it.

Lines are things we draw in humanity, and in my opinion, you should stick your lines where the sun don’t shine. Americans are Americans period. Yes we all have bad ones among us, no matter what color, ethinicity or race they may be, but, we are still humans. If you want proof look at the news, there are no lines drawn when killings happen. It doesn’t matte rif a killer is white or black, hispanic or oriental, we all cry for thiose who died, we all want laws to stop the killings and we all want justice for those we have lost. Lines, should not exist, this is not the 1800’s anymore, this is the present, lets be real. We all want to be raised in freedom, we all want educated, we all want tp provide and protect our familes. we all cry, bleed, laugh and want peace and equality. Break down the lines, the barriers, stop the nonesense and lets live.

Let me close with a subject that will probally cause many to get mad out here in America, but, it is based on facts. I personally do not like Donald J. Trump, or what he has done in his life. He has cheated contractors, he could not sell water, steaks and other items. He lied about where he got hois money and how he got so rich to all of us. Then in the end he instigated and started a rebellion against his own governemt while President. You can try to blame it on others if you must as one of his supporters, but do me a favor, go ask the Oath BOys, The Proud Boys who are not in jail what they think now, after they are convicted and serving time for what Trump told them to do. I hada discussion witha Trump supporter one day, who told me and I quote, Trump isa great man and president. I said really, what did he do for you? The man said He passed a tax plan. I said yes he did, did it benefit you or me. The man replied no. Then the man said he built the Wall between us and Mexico, I said no he didn’t, look on the news taday and watch the made rush of immigrants coming soon. Then I told this man, if Trump was so smart why did he tell America and ask Doctors why Americans can’t just drink bleach to kill Covid. Lol, you mean to tell me your great man, you voted for didn’t know Clorox is poison? Stupid, Now he face seven diffents cases in different courts and states for all he did on January 6th, before he left office. Are you seriously gonna still consider voting for this man for President again? Sad! I know, lines are being drawn right now in America, There are those who want to support Trump, but I ask one simple question, do you really want to elect a criminal to run the country we all live in? What kind of line are you drawing if you do so America? All kinds of lines in the world for sure as I have stated, but, for America, for our country, it’s soul, and it’s constitution and way of life, Do you really want to park yourself on that side of the line? Wake up, criminals never change, and it’s just a fact!

There may have to be a realization that happens in America before the 2024 Presidential Election happens in my opinion at least and i think in others minds too. I think some people still believe Donald J. Trump is capable of winning the Presidency again, if so they need to reevaluate it and him too.

Recently I have been reading a book, Watergate A New History. Of course the question is what does Watergate and Nixon have to do with Donald J. Trump and 2024 right? Well, prior to Donald J. Trump Richard M. Nixon was rated one of the worst Presidents in American History, Some would say Nixon was the most corrupt President ever, I disagree now. There are somethings NIxon accomplished Trump would never have gotten done, Trump would have never opens Russia and China, he would never have taken us off the gold standard, he would never have stopped the Vietnam War either. Nixon had lots of accomplishments Trump has never come near. Nixon has experience and knowledge also. Now he strayed and became parinoid, which caused his entire downfall and WaterGate, I understand that. Yet I would take a Richard Nixon any dya over a Donald J. Trump.

Now, I have not been a Trump backer since the day he came down his escalator in Trump Tower to announce he was running for President, 2015. First I know New Yorkers, and they hated Trump before he even declared his candidacy in 2015. They explained to me that Trump is hated by the contractors who built his buildings, because he gave them pennies on the dollar in regards to the work and materials they supplied and did for him. Trump is hated in New York and he grew up there.

Trump has failed at so many things in his life it is crazy that anyone would vote for him. He failed at selling water, steaks, and more. He set up a Trump University Program it failed and he kept people’s money. He never paid it back either.

Trump failed as President to build his so called wall, and he passed a tax plan that helped himself and his rich conies is all. What else did he do as president, he made an ass of himself with Putin and Korea too. He was laughed out of the United Nations, he tried to speak, sounded like a fool. Covid hiot during his term in office and he failed to attack it properly and asked if Americans could drink bleach on tv, come on. Trump had 7 count them now 7 cases pending against him l;egally in the courts. Yet his follwers still think he can get reelected? No I think not!

What I want to know is why people are so fantrically following Trump and pushing him to run again? What has Trump done for these people, lets ask those who followed his instructions on January 6th. While they langish in jail cells in America and he sits in Mar A Lago eating steaks and playing golf. Ask those who listened to him and attacked the capital, how they feel about being in jail for something he told them to do. I think at some point the News Agencies on television and radio and papers should do a reexaimination of Trump and all he has done. Send a few reporters to talk to the people in those cells and ask them on air how they feel now? Their lives are ruined, because Trump told them to do it all.

As I look at the political horizon and the parties, Trump willo be too old to do the job anyway and so will Biden in my opinion. I believe new blood, younger is what is needed to run America now. We need candidates from both parties who are younger, smarter and more able than either of them. I know many will say I am crazy, some will say Trump can do it, no he’sa criminal in all ways, some will say Biden can run again, I say no, age is a factor here for sure.

In the past, I had predicted Trump would be arrested for many reasons. Many told me I didnt know what I was talking about and the no law official would dare to charge hm. Well, now he faces not one case, not two cases but a total of six or seven cases, some local to states and some federal. DIfferent levels of crimes, from sexual harrasment and rape related to money laundering and payoffs and more.

I also wrote about Trump and what he did to people even before he ran for President. He lies and cons people left and right to make money and to keep himself promiment in people’s minds. He loves attention and he is basking in it once again. With at least six cases outstanding against him, he continues to run for President and if nothing else happens, he should be removed from the ballots in all states. The crimes he is accussed of committing range from defamation legal cases to federal charges for the documents he held in Mar a Lago after his term was up. Yey, he now sits as the top choice for Republicans to run for office again as President. Sadly, if the Republicans run him again, with all the legal cases against him, his chance to win is near about 0 percent. If Rump is the best the Republicans have then they need to rethink what they are doing and find someone else or get embarrassed.

I have written of how Trump lied about where his money came from, I remind all he inherited it from his father. He did not create it or earn it, what he did was expend it and cheat contractors out of millions by paying them pennies on their dollars. Then he failed at selling water, he failed at trying to crerate a college, and took people’s money. He failed at selling steaks, beieve it or not, look it up. Many didn’t believe HIllary Clinton when she said he was a puppet for RUssia and Putin, but he was and if he gets in office as President again it will happen again.

Then I hear of how much he accomplished as President, bullshit is all I can say, He Failed to build his wall. He did pass a tax plan that gave him and his fellow rich people back more money, but nothing for the average American you and I. Trump has run rampant over the laws of the land. He failed to do a damn thing about covid and stood on television and told people to drink bleach, what an idiot.

I am not a Trump fan at all, nor am I a believer in the so called woke movement. Why anyone would vote for Trump I have no idea. Sadly, they forget the six cases against him, the fact he is responsiable for the attack on Jan. 6th, and the documents that are top secret and secret he took home, Why, did he need them, what was he doing with them and who did he give them to or show them to. Now, many are saying well Pence took some home too and Biden too. Maybe they did but they did not hide them when asked to return them, did they?

When we add up the facts on Trump, why would any American with a brain still back him? His accussed crimes alone can put him in prison for the rest of his life. Start with the current 34 felonies in New York for the Hush Money payments. Then realize he only needs one out of those 34 to be proven and he becomes a convicted Felon.

Then look at the Jean Carrol case next, because Trump will have no choice but to testify in that case. Why because the Jury can inffer he is lying if he refuces and will judge him guilty by defaut, and it will be his own fault. If the top two cases do not convict him, then, just look at all that is coming next. I have heard the Republicans saying these are small cases and they belive Trump will win them, even if he does, he still faces many more charges. So, do the Republicans have any idea what they are doing supporting him. It’s like they are leaving the soft belly of their party open to full attack.

As to who will replace Trump if he drops out or is legally removed as a candidate, the Republicans, need to wake up and find someone stable, and it can’t be Pence either. Desantis some are saying is running, again legal matters may even stop him. The Republicans have a problem, for who do they have then? Time shall tell I am sure.

I of course have my own opinion on the 2024 Presidential Election. I believe both Trump and biden are too old to saty in the job. We need young blood in Office, we need a candidate that wil be smart effective, and able to handle the job, who it is, is yet to be determined, but I recommend both Biden and Trump are not the answer.

As a nation and world power America is having it’s problems. We need some answers and ways to stop econmic ruin. We need a leader who can turn the country around. Who it is I do not know, but, I do know America being led by men in their 80’s and high 70’s is wrong.

So, I ask all, if America wants to move forward survive and stay a power, who do we really need in the Presidency? Some will say Get Harris for the Democrats, no, she is not primetime ready for sure. As I said before, Pence is not the answer either folks. What America needs is a leader wo can avoid a recession, who can create jobs, and rebuild our reputation world wide. Who it is I have not seen as of yet, but I have faith in the America System and Democracy and our Republic! We are still the greatest nation on the planet, no one should attack us or our consitution, we were blessed by our forefathers.

I am 67 years old, I have seen Presidents come and go, since Ike, when I was born. Each President had their own reasons and logic and plan for America. None except one, Donald J. Trump, tried to change the election results, caused an inserection against their own administration, tried to overtrun election results and took documents to their home and refused to return them. No President except Trump has had to fight legal battles for things they did before or after their Presidency. No President called for their own Vice President to be hung publically! Sadly, Since the year I was born in 1956, America has grown and had it’s ups and downs for sure. Yet in the end I ask all Americans now, don’t you think we need fresh blood running for the Presidency? Yes age does matter folks, and with Trump being in his late 70’s and Biden in hos 80’s we must not find a candidate who is up to date and young enough to run this country.

As, I close this blog post, I asked all Americans, Don’t we need better choices for 2024, then a criminal in Trup and an ederly Biden to run this country? And yes age does matter, but, we need someone who can handle it all, and is healthy and not facing legal charges. The world is watching America to see what happens next! Lets do something right and find a candidate, that can handle it and make us proud again. Where should we turn for such a candidate, I do not know, but I do wish we can have a new one!

BY: William M. McCurrach -April 11th, 2023

Gone From Me!

It started out so slowly,

It was a simple dance you see.

We danced and we laughed and had a good time,

Then, we parted and restarted over a phone line.

The dance turned into romance,

We both knew we were taking a chance,

One day grew into another, and then,

Before we knew it, we were married my friend.

The days passed very quickly and so did the months and the years,

Now it is 28 years later, and she’s gone from me and I am in tears.

Yes, She’s gone, gone from me,

Gone, gone don’t you see.

Now I wander alone, all on my own, because she’s gone, gone, from me.

We both had our fun, we laughed and laughed and life went on,

We conversed and gave, loved you see, and now, she is gone from me.

A pain here and there she had, then suddenly it grew bad,

We fought for sixteen years, thru all the tears,

Now she is gone, gone, gone from me you hear.

Cancer is a nasty thing, It hit her and then me you see,

She thought I would be gone,

But, I am here and she is gone, gone, from me.

She is gone, gone from me,

I wander alone now don’t you see.

I have no idea what to do anymore, I know I can’t replace her thats for sure.

Sheis gone, gone , Gone from me. Gone from here.

How much longer before I join her, I don’t know and can’t see.

As I wander I know, it was her I loved so, But she is gone, gone, gone, from me.

Each day I remember the memories,

The hugs, the laughs and the kisses, the conversations and understanding,

But now she is gone, gone, from me.

Now she is gone, gone, gone from me.

When I will join her, I can not see, for I know not when my time will come for me.

She is gone, gone, gone from me. My heart holds on to her memory. I know, she is gone, gone, gone from me, I wander now, endlessly.

There are stages in life, stages we do not pay much attention to and others we do. First is birth, when we come into the world and our asses are slapped and we begin to breathe, and we cry. Then we are taken home by the woman who gave us birth and raised by her and either the father, or the man she prefers to live with. As we grow and learn we are taught to love others, we are taught what family is, we are taught right from wrong, manners and more.

We then reach the age where schooling takes over, they teach us reading, writing, math,science and more. Then we age a little more and bam, we notice the opposite sex, or the same sex and the hormones so to say take over. Sex becomesa drive we all live thru and carry with us, for a majority of our lives. As we age high school teaches us more and how to interact with others. They try to prepare us for maturity and workingf or a living and making it in society. Then, we find ourselves and end up in relationships, if we are lucky, some of us find destructive ones other ones that are good for us.

By, the time you hit your thirties, you are settled into a job, and for most a place of your own to live. Responisibilioties are with you by then, you have a job, a family of your own, bills to pay. We slowly striggle through it all and settle in pretty well by our forties. Most do anyway, but then we have seperations, divorcies people suffer thru, of course and many do so and survive.

By our fifties, we realize we now own our own homes and have paid almost all of our bills down. We settle into routines with our partners, and we know each other well enough. We come to depend on our partrners to communicate, to listen, to discuss and to interact with one another well. We grow accustom to each other and we are now ready to enjoy our senior years. For many, it works out just that way. Not for all though.

Some of us, like myself, lose the one they love in the end of their fifties or like me in their sixities. Now, I must admit, when my wife died in August 2021, I was lost, scared, afraid and it is still the same today 20 months later. In my generation, life was different and we did things differently then today. There was no online dating, there was no Woke Movement, we interacted in person and actually talked to one another. Of course, because of many differences over my life, I was married for 28 years, I have no idea how dating works these days, and I shy from trying to find anyone, no matter how alone I may feel or be. I was married twice in my life and in the end, I never did learn to flirt. I can honestly say I can count the relationships I have been in on one hand. I am not a social butterfly, or stud. Never have been and guess, I shall never be.

I do not have ahigh opinion of my looks or myself. Never have. yes i know what I have accomplished in life, but I do not brag on it, nor talk about it. I served my country 16 years in three different branches. I had dropped out of High School and went back to get an Eqivancy Degree to enter the military. When I left the military on a Medical under Honorable Discharge, I ended up going to college and graduated, witha 3.7 average and a Hotel Managaement Degree. I have written stories, books and poems. Two of everything is what I did basically, I had two children, two marriages, two cars and more. Yet none of it means a thing to me, unless there is someone to share it all with.

When you finally find yourself alone, due to the loss of the one you love, you struggle to carry on alone. at least I have and to be honest, without my wife, I am facing the downslide now alone. I know it is the downslide for many reasons, health, mental and physical. I am slower in motion and slower in reactions. I am more afraid of women, then ever before in my life. I don’t tend to trust them, and constantly see them as wanting something from me, whether it is money or material items. While many have a tendency to tell me I am a decent looking man and I should have no problem finding a woman to share life, I know it will not happen for me. it doesn’t matter if I have an attraction to a woman or not. I know I shall not make any attempt or approach, because no woman wants an old man, like me. Even those my own age want younger men. SO I have have surrendered actually to the facts and know I shall die alone. I have lived my life, and my only thought is, I hope when I do pass from this earth, I am remembered asa decent man, one who served honorably, one who loved hionestly, one who treated others decent, for it is not the material things you have in life that count, it is how you treated others. I know it is the downslide time for me, I am not afraid, nor figjhting it, nor will I run from it. We all find ourselves facing the downslide at some point in life and we feel it and know when it is approaching, it is how we handle it, that counts.

March 18th, is rollong by and it seems that, I am doing ok physically, but, to be honest mentally I don’t know anymore. When you live alone it is hard to judge how well you are doing mentally or emotionally, but you can feel mood swings and ups and downs. The biggest fear is depression from loneliness. You end up staring at a tv or walking a lot like I am already doing, these days. One gets depressed and lonely, then tries different things to keep going, like I am these days, I walk alot, I watch television and movies, I try to read some, and play video games and chat online, if i can.

I have taken up bowling once a week, and play billards too once a week. Other than that it is Doctors at the Veteran’s Hospital when needed for appointments. I am growing older and in the end not enjoying old age as I would like too. So I decided to give it a try to learning to play guitar on my own so I bought one. I am waiting on picks, then, I shall use either GarageBand on my mac computer or utube to try to learn to play. I do have a great like and love of folks and lite rock music and country. I hope to be able to play some at least, if I stick with it. It is an experiment at taking up a hobby at a late age, hopefully it will keep me going some.

I have never been a big joiner, or a big follower in my life, I was never and will probally never be a loveable character. I have never been a ladies man, or as my sister calls them a stud either. Basically I can count the women I have been intimate with, on one hand in my whole life. When I bowl or play pool or I am out, I talk to very few women, and i shy away from them mostly. I have never considered myself a ladies man of any kind and to be honest, I always have thought of myself as ugly enough to scare women away. I know it sounds funny to those that know me, but the facts are just what I say.

In my life, I have had two of just about everything it seems. I had two marriages, the first lasted 12 years and ended not due to anything I did, but because of what my first wife’s father did. The second marriage went 21 years and with 7 together ahead of the marriage as a relationship it went 28 years total. It ended when my second wife, whom I miss dearly died of cancer in August of 2021. Since i have struggled to survive alone on my own. I have had help from my sister, but mostly I have been lonely and lost.

I did move into a 55 plus condo, among others in my age range. Yet I am still a loner and alone 99 percent of the time. I see people as I come and go, but, I tend to stay alone, why simple, dating a woman here would be a major mistake I believe. Why, because women talk, a man messes up once with one woman here and the word will spread from condo to condo among them, and you end up an outcast, then. So I refuse to ask anyone here out. Due to that, I am more alone, than, ever before in my life.

I also do not understand the new woke movement bullshit, nor the new way of dating over the internet like Bumble, Zoosk, Our Time and such. There are no single’s dances for people 55 and up around here in Westboro, Mass area. So, lonely is probally how I shall die and pass from this planet. I have told my sister when she stayed with me and since, that more than likely they will find me dead here in my condo. I have no doubt I am being truthful and honest about that. It is just a fact, I am beggining to face fully now myself.

So now, I shall keep going on untill my time comes, one day at a time, building puzzles, reading books, walking, bowling, playing billards and just trying to survive. Life has been ok for me, but I have never been the lucky guy so to say. Many men have pick-up lines they use, or ways to flirt I never have. I never learned to flirt, even though I have been married twice, funny how that is, isn’t it. It seems that I have had two of almost everything there is in life, is that all there is left for me, I do not know for sure, but I can just live it. I have seen others who have had their lives come to their ending and i imtend to go out, not in shame. I have been many things in my lifetime. a boy, a violin player, a runner,an explorer, a friend to many,a soilder, a sailor and I ende dup a college graduate with honor at 40 years old. I have been a father, a husband and a grandfather too. Now I am a bachelor/widower at 67 years old, and slowly life is dwindling down for me. Am I sad due to it, not really, do I accept the facts yes, but no one surrenders, unless they committ suicide. I have seen two people I know who have down so, both with gun shots, I do not think that is for me. So, I shall try to go on as long as I can. But for all of us, we all face the closing or ending phase at some point I shall do so bravely, and honorably, just as i served my country for 16 years.

March 13th, 2023 has arrived, saylight savings time has been set now and spring is coming. They say we are about to have a noreaster of snow soon, but we shall see. When snow does hit it gives the land and area a look of white innocence, yet we all know it’s not real.

Well, lets see now it’s been 17 months since the passing of my wife, whom I miss dearly. Each day I awake and try to carry-on on my own now, and doing the best I can. Juggle the bills, clean the condo, do my own cooking and laundry, go to Doctors as needed for my back and aliments I may have and walk alot to stay healthy. I play pool on monday evenings and bowl thursdays. Other wise I write blogs, poetry, build puzzles, read books and have recently bought myself an accoustic guitar to learn to play. I will attempt to learn to play the guitar as a hobby and because i have always liked music since i was a youngster. I remember my step-father as he played guitar and piano, when i was growng up, we always had fun when he did. So I thought why not try to learn to play, I have time to do so now.

Time waits for no one, and Father Time tells us to stop or go on. I am now 67 years old, and I must admit, I am not always a loveable character I can get grouchy, and mean, but not often. I go day by day and try to be as pleasant as possible to all I talk to. I basically have tried dating apps to find a female friend to date, without any success at all, so I basically gave up. I don’t understand the modern way of dating by internet stuff and I have absolutely no idea what a woke movement is. I guess I am old fashioned in that sense. Never did learn how to flirt either, so I stay alone and do my thing. Funny, I know foer many who know me when I say I never learned to flirt, they look at me like i am crazy and tell me I must know how I was married twice. Nope, I don’t know how, I was married twice because the women I married met me doing my thing is all. The first one wasa common job and music and playing pool in the Navy. The second was a woman I met at a singles dance, who I did ask to dance. The first marriage lasted 12 years on the books, and the second 28 years of a relationship and marriage. I don’t consider asking someone to dance as flirting, so I am lost now, after 28 years, and have no idea how dating works today.

I chat at times on the internet and use my computers to write stories, poems and blogs when in the mood. Other than those items it is one boring day after another I live thru. I know, it sounds crazy and it sounds bad, but when your 67, no woman wants you. The older single women I have met who are widowers like me or divorcees, want young men or money. I don’t have money to blow, nor am I young so I get checked off of their list fast.

I know I sound boring, and some say miserable, but I am not miserable at all, I have just come to accept the facts, I am getting older and the world is for the younger crowd. I remember when I grew up, we were taught manners and respect your elders, and you will be fine. Do those lessons apply today, I do not know, for I see too many rude people around.

I also shy away from large parties and crowds, they make me nervous and uncomfortable. When I meet a woman I may like I tend to backup, instead of asking them out. As I said to many people, I am big enough, bad enough and ugly enough to scare anyone away. People laugh when i say that for I am only 5ft 8 inches tall, but it’s the truth.

As I age, I am finding difficulties in how to react to somethings I see in todays world. I try to avoid politics and religion, and just talk about the daily news in the headlines or on tv, and of course sports. I am a fan of the Red Sox,and The Celtics, football wise I like the Vikings, even though they can’t win the big game. I am loyal to them from their inception into the NFL.

So, I may walk here for three miles around the condo compound I live in on good weather days, if it looks like rain or snow, I may go to the neighnorhood mall and walk there. If it snows or looks like snow I stay home alone and watch tv. I know I am boring, but what do you expect from me at 67 years old, jumping jacks are out, folks.

I deal with my medical problems daily by taking my meds. Other than the above, I have no real passion or want of much. I play X-Box on and off when I can with a friend. It’s called the simple life, you live alone in silence and carry-on anyway you can.

What is out there for a 67 year old man to do, I am not a skirt chaser, I don’t chase women. I don’t drink really except for social reasons and that is one drink to fit in. I don’t do drugs, and I am as healthy as one can be at my age. What is left for me in the world I do not know, nor do I understand why I am still here. I feel like a spare tire just laying around! It gets boring when you can’t work and you have no one to share life with. It’s just a fact is all, and I know some will say do something, go out, find fun. IT isn’t easy when your 67 and don’t know the town or area you live in. So I go day by day and do the best I can.

So, whats left, when you have had two marriages, many homes, two kids of your own, two of everything and more and you can’t work because your disabled? I recieve suggestions everyday from people online in chats, go voluteer they say, I say to do what? I look and there isn’t much here. I guess time will tell. I have always had the belief since i was young that we are all put upon the world, to complete some mission, we do not know, but until we complete it we are stuck here. Some people have their missions shown to them and complete them and leave us earlier in age. I go day by day and just wonder if there will be a day that I complete my untold mission and my time comes to depart. I can only wonder what my mission is that I have to complete.

I know I have set up a trust fund and my last will and testiment. All has been updated of course as needed for the day I die. As long as I am cremated and buried next to my wife I am happy and content.

Americans, we stand for freedom, we stand for people’s rights to live and flourish. We extend our helping hand to countries in need like Ukraine and more. Yet we can nor and do not solve our own problems, somegow we let them linger and fester and they grow worse over time. We need to change the way Congress reacts and how we make them react, by being more careful who we put into the Congress, both the House and Senate.

Let me say this first and foremost, many may disagree with me, and many more will agree, the worst thing America ever did in recent history was elect Donald Trump President. His four year tearm utterly destroyed America in many ways, economically, politically and made the world laugh at us. Yes we need changes in political offices, yes we need changes in both the Senate and House, but how should Americans go about it all?

Number one in my book and mind is stop Donald J. Trump, from ever running for the Presidency again! He has so many legal issues and crimes he is accussed of it is crazy and getting worse. Look I know the Trumpers as they have begun to be called run around saying he was so good, he wasn’t. Congress wants to do something, Ban Donald J. Trump from the Presidential Ballots country wide period. Don’t allow this man to have the stage and cause an uprising again. What kind of man, denies his loss, and then causes a riot and destroys our capital and gets away with it? Why is he allowed to be walking free now, he should have been charged and indicted by now!

I know the wheels of Justice turn slowly and take time will be the major answer to the above question, but that has to change soon! Congress ran and hid from Trumpers because they feared for bodily harm and more on that January 6th. Yet they do not act to stop Trump from running again, it’s sad. Trump isa dangerous, violent man, spreading rheotoric and lies left and right and using groups for his own purposes. Please listen America, ot the next election will end in real coup!

Sadly, I don’t think Americans are as bright as they should be on the political front, and on these elections. But besides the lack of education levels in America, we still make the worst choices. Why is this? Why is it so easy for a man like Trump to run again after the destruction and upheaval he caused in our capital while President?

I would like to see, Trump charged legally for his actions and inactions as President leading to and including the January 6th attack and more. I want to see him, taken to court, and convicted, not as a candidate for president again! ON top of all that occured on January 6th, Trump took all kinds of secret documents with him, to his home, not legal action has happened there either,why?

Trump, should be made to pay for all damaged to governement properties on January 6th! He caused it and he caused it against the American People and while he was still in office. He did nothing to stop it either, as he sat and watched it on televison, feeding his face. Why hasn’t Congress acted to ban him from the Presidential Race in 2024? They are gutless and in my opinion worthless if they can not defend their nation by banning such a person from running again.

The young of America must stand up now and face these facts. They have tp make better choices and bring the country forward again and make it better for all. We don’t need Donald J. Trunp vs Joe Biden again! We need younger blood, for in the end Americans, it will be the ypoung who determine who wins or loses the next election. If I were once again just reaching voting age, I would go to the polls and my friends and do all I could to prevent Trump from winning again. The youth of America who can vote in Novemner of 2024, needs to start acting now, to prevent another major disaster like there was on January 6th. Move now, call your Senators, and Representatives, tell them to use the government powers they have to stop Trump being on the ballot. Make noise folks, scream, shout, rally, call and stop it before it happens again. Donald J. Trump does not have the right to run for President again, he already shamed and dishonored the office, don’t let him do so again! If Americans do not act and stop Trump, and he wins again, you may as well be ready to become a communist country! Lets stay free Americans!.