November 15th, 2021 has arrived it is morning again, and I awoke in pain today. My body aches from my spine, to my shoulders and my hip and back. Falling in the Navy has brought me pain, and injuries and I just keep perking like a coffee pot on high at times. Some may ask how I do it, my tolerance for pain has grown over the years now, and I awake each day and sometimes night, from it all. Today I awoke at 4 am, laid awake for an hour before I decided I couldn’t lay there anymore and went and soaked myself in a hot shower to loosen up the muscles and the spine. I hope it is just my spine causing my problems, but I suspect it may be a lot more. I have pain in my arms and neck and spine and now hip on the left side too. What is causing so much of it I have no idea, but I was recently reminded, that I had cancer too and to be careful about it.

I wonder at times how much longer I have on this planet before I go and join my wife. Between the loss of her and my health I feel like my body is failing me and so is my emotional well being these days. I am not superman, I am human, and at some point it all must end for me I know.

Anyway, back to current issues, the house I shared with my wife is now almost empty but has a bit to go. Donations is where it will go more than likely, I shall be investigating them shortly and setting up a time for AmVets or something like it to get the remainder out of the house and empty it for sale, sake. It must go. Once completely empty, I can have the carpets cleaned and the house sold in as is shape and let it go. I must do so, I can’t keep it.

I need to contact my Lawyer on some issues to do with my wife’s probate case, like clearing the car and home from her estate so I can sell both as fast as I can. Then I need a Real Estate Agent to sell the house for whatever I can get, and put the money aside for a new place for me. The process is taking a while to get done and slowly it is taking my life’s energy from me.My spirit has been lagging since my wife died and I don’t expect it to regain any strength anytime soon. I know I am slowly going down hill as I age and I can feel it each day.

Time waits for no one, as I have said before and neither does one’s health. We get older and we experience more pain and aches and conditions, that’s for sure. I know it because I live it daily, especially now that my wife is gone.

What comes next for me is still a question I must face. I keep looking for a place to live and buy and then move what I can here. As I keep trying to empty the house and move on, I wonder how long I may have left in my life. I am 65 and my health is not the greatest, my pains and aches increase and my abilities decrease daily. I have no control over how long I live, but how long can one last, by oneself, once a spouse has died on you?

Well the days are messed up for me as my sleeping is too. I wake,early and then pass out sometime later. Then I wake up and do it all over again. I really have a hard time sleeping and get tired, easy, due to it during the day. I suppose it is more noticeable now with my wife gone, but, I can’t do much about that, can I? I can wish her back, but in the end, it doesn’t help me to deal with my current conditions or problems, does it?

Facing each day is not the same anymore for me, without my wife. It is a lonely road I am traveling now and I feel it daily as my pains mount. Arthritis has set in and I don’t eat regularly anymore, only when hungry. At some point, I suppose it will all catch up to me and I will go down in a heap. How soon I don’t know, I just know it will happen one day and be over with. I know it is not a great outlook is it and it sounds depressing to anyone who, reads this or hears me. But, I am a realist, I only know what I know and take it the way I see it. Peace shall come, when the good Lord decides it is my time. My body is telling me it is coming, but it takes it’s time doesn’t it.

Well, I don’t want to sound too depressed or down on my luck, but, it will not be easy to go forward for me. I am reaching the end of one lifetime I had with my wife as the house empties and I prepare to find a new place to go to. Leaving behind 28 years of a relationship/ marriage is not easy when the spouse dies. I honestly wanted to crawl into the bed with her and go with her. I almost did. Sometimes I stop and wish I did go with her, but then the fact that I am still here on the planet earth, makes me go on. Humanity had no control over life and death, only the Creator or Good Lord, or as some call the supreme being, God, does. That will never change folks, for we do not know why we are here, what our purpose is really, or what we are to accomplish while here. And we definitely do not know, when we shall depart the world or the life we have in us expires, it just does.

In Life we all go through stages and parts that are rough, hard or emotional in some way. I am currently at a hard stage for myself, I lived with my wife who died, for 28 years, 21 of them in the same house. I am at a stage now, after her death in August of 2021, that I have to finish emptying my home. Now it is with great regrets and memories I do so and I would never, give up my memories of my time with my wife there. Yet, I know now, with her gone, I have to move on no doubt, so I do so with a feeling of loss and hesitation so to say. People only live so long and I know at 65, I have no idea when my time shall come to pass also, but, I do know I cannot stay in the house I shared with her all those years. The memories flood back to me each time I enter the house or property, so it is tough on me emotionally. Stages of life happen for all of us folks, for instance we go from adolescents to teen years, then teen years to adult years. When we reach adults then we tend to take care of ourselves and get in relationships with others we fall in love with. Marriages happen and they end sometimes in divorces, sometime in rthe death of the spouse you loved for so long. The hardest part of it all is you have no choice in letting it go, they rae not there to hang onto anymore or be with anymore. It isa stage for me that tells me I am entering probally the finals tages of my own life at 65 years old. My sister thinks i will live longer and be fine, but history and human nature says when a spouse dies and there is one left behind like I am, we tend to follow the one we loved in a short time. If that happens to me, I want all to know I have led a decent life and did all I could for all I knew in it.

I was never given a chance by many as I grew up, because i suffered from many illnesses, such as Attention Deficit Disorder, Hyper-Activity, Physical Abuse from my childhood and PTSD also, from childhood and military life. have survived lung cancer in 2013, I watched my parents die of cancer and my stepfather too. Now my wife is gone from it also and it makes me sometimes depressed and emotional to even think of it. I can honestly say, after 65 years of life I have lived a pretty full one for sure.

I have had two of everything in my life, from two marriages, two daughters, many homes and two military careers too. I served my parents as a son and babysitter for my younger siblings. I served Uncle Sam not in one branch of service, but in three, Army, Army National Guard and Navy. I did all I could for my friends i have known since I was a teenager and few can say they have friendships over 45 years old, but I can. Let me say this to all who know me, I have never intentionally harmed any human being in my life and I would rather walk away from a fight than even think of having one or throwing a punch. I have lived a non-violent life actually on my part, but suffered violence from others to me. Yet, I would not give a day of my life up, nor do I regret any of it.

If I seem hesitant to empty the home I shared with me now deceased wife and sell it, it is because of the memories we shared in it. The time has come for me to try to walk over, jump over or go around this obstacle of the home we shared. It will not be easy for me, but in the end i must do so, very soon and sell the home we shared to someone else and move on, alone.

I do not wish to be a burden to anyone, especially my sister in any way at all. I thank her for being there with me through my wife’s death and now allowing me to stay with her in her home as I go through all I am now. I thank her man,Arman ,also for all he has done to help me, advise me and guide me. Life is full of surprises and sudden events, I know it and so should all of us who live it. I have struggled in life to overcome many obstacles, and have trumped over many things. I have been a lucky man in many ways.

I think I have now hit a critical stage of my life, the ending stage really. I have no idea how long I shall survive my wife’s passing or how long my life may be, in the end. I do know, I have never hurt anyone and never will. If i die today or tomorrow, or in the near or far flung future, I just know I have always tried to do what is right. I hope I have for all who knew me or know me. If I didn’t do right by someone I am sorry, I tried the best. In the end, I look at life as a cherished event I am living through on this plane of existence on this plane, we call, earth. I haven’t been perfect, no person is, we are all human and we make mistakes we may regret in our lives, but we deal with them and do the best we can. I know I have. So, as i go forward now I do so one day at a time, one thing at a time and hope I can accomplish an end to my own life that will be remembered, and fateful for myself and all I love and care about. I have loved and lost and I have gone on and will do all I can to try to live my life to a decent ending for me and all I love and have loved. I just hope and pray, my ending will be peaceful and I can live it out, in some pleasure and comfort somehow! I hope that in and of itself is not asking the Good Lord for too much.

Saturday November 13th, 2021, has begun, I awoke around 6 am today and it is chilly and wet out, but not raining right now. I stumbled out of bed and downstairs to get coffee of course, after dressing.

In a way I am looking forward to taoday, for I am going to go look at a few condos. I am hopeful of finding one I can live in, comfortably and with enough room for me as a man. I need internet access and cable tv, in it, a bathroom, with shower and such and a fully appliances kitchen. I want a 2 bedroom, so I can have a seperate office for my computer in it from my bedroom I sleep in. A eat in kitchen area will work, laundry on premises, and a living room area. That way I can seperate the bill paying from the house an dmy internet useage also. I doubt very much if i will be entertaining people, for I know no one in my area so I will have to get used to living alone again. Yes,I need to restart living again,soon!

I miss my wife and always will, and I am in no rush for any involvcements at this time, plus being a widower, I have no expectations either for a relationship right now or thoughts of one. I just want peace, comfort, warmth, and a place of my own to enjoy and be able to go out if I want to shop, walk or go visit my sister. Once I find a place it will take a little bit of time to furnish it and set it up the way I want and need it. I don’t want clutter anymore or saving things I don’t need, just what I use and need.

The house i shared withmy wife, our home will be empty soon enough, it is close now to being done. I want to sell all I can yes, but I also, want to get what I can for it. Enough I hope to pay for a condo I want and furnishings for it. Clean, new and in the end comfortable and safe. I hope that is not asking for too much from the Good Lord.

I know once i do find a place and move in and finish setting up a new home, I will probally be exploring the area and trying to find things to do and places to enjoy. I am not a drinking person, but I like to get out once in a while for fun and to be around others.

Vehicles, will be on my list of things to find too, as I will probally get a AWD SUV of some kind. I have been looking at them, Honda and Hyundia both come to mind, a HR-V or a Kona. Once I move all I need and settle in I will probally buy one or the other for dependable transportation to Doctors and more. I have plans of course, it is taking time for any of them to happen now and time is not what I havea lot of in my book. I am 65 years old, and I don’t want to bea burden to anyone who knows me at all. I can take care of myself once I am settled in for sure. Life has given me a twist and turn I never expected at this time, when my wife died. I never expected it so soon and it hurt me, depressed me and is taking me time to recover and accept it all. I hope I can handle it well enough to carryon, till my own end comes. I have a Living Trust that is currently in effect and a new one coming since my wife died. I also have the Veteran’s Administration to bury me when I die, next to my wife, in military style. I don’t expect anyone to be there when it happens,I have never been close to many, in my life.

Good Morning world, I awoke at 5;48 am this morning, and climbed out of bed at about 6:15 am. The weaher looks like rain today and chilly too. Each day is a test of my endurance it seems since my wife passed on August 10th, 2021. I spent so many years, taking care of her, and in the end I could not save her from cancer. We fight these battles because we must and I give it to my wife, she held on for 16 years, as the cancer ravaged her. We went to so many doctors, and hospitals, MRI’s Cat Scans, Blood Tests, Chemo and Radiation, then Immunio Theraphy and Hospital stays and finally Hospice at Home in the end. Sixteen years of pure cancer fighting we did together and in the end she lost her battle for her life. Cancer infects one and then travels in the blood stream to other parts of your body, it did with my wife. We fought a long battle and I am glad i never missed one day of it. When she died I cried for a long time and still do today now 92 days later. One does not get over the loss of a spouse easily, folks and in my case it has been a struggle. Yet, I know I must go on without her now, I really have no choice in life, for I am still here.

Many times i have found myself, asking myself what I am still doing here and wishing I had gone with my wife. I almost did just that, and it would have been a double shock for all who knew us. I even thought of runniong out in traffic and ending it all, if it was not for the Veteran’s Crisis Line I would not be here today and some people I met online. As wello as my sister! Between the three I was convinced to go to a hospital and be admitted to a ward, to prevent my own suicide. The pain of the loss almost got me folks, and I have to be honest with all, I sometimes even today, think of what am I doing still here, without her. Yet day by day I wake up and go on slowly.

Survivors of people who die of cancer or anyother deadly illness, have to deal with many things. How to go on without them is just one. Then, you have to figure out, how to do all they used to do for you both. Once you learn that, you have to make major decisions on how to live, where to live and what to do with the rest of your own life. You have to deal with their family members asking for items from you that reminds you of them and memories on top of it all. Burying them is hard as hell and than trying to survive the shock of it all is devastating to oneself. I think unless you have lost a spouse, you basically have no idea how one feels or reacts to losing them. I want to say this to all who read this or who have lost a spouse, we all react differently for we are individuals, and no two human beings handle grief, sadness and loss the same We all handle it different, some openly cry, some privately cry, some have a stiff upper lip and some are just realistic about it all. In the end though the thing that unites all of us, is we have to deal with the loss in someway, of our own means.

Some of us throw ourselves into work and keeping busy, some of us, go dorment and hide, some of us, struggle day by day with it all and slowly recover, some recover quickly. Sadly, none of us can bring back the loved or lossed one, we miss so dearly. In the end we come to realize as I have, I am still here, she is gone, I have to deal with each day as I wake up and move ahead in life. The life I had with my wife is now gone, she is no longer here, I can’t keep the big house, the two cars and the lifestyle I am used to anymore. I know I will have to settle into a smaller place somewhere, I just want to be close enough to a family member I have left, so I can call them, stop by or see them and have a connection to someone.

How do you start over is the big question, I face right now. The loneliness of it all, will get me if I am not careful for sure. I know i have to get used to living alone again and I need to find a way to interact with people, meet new people and find things to do again. I know for me, I need people to talk to, to interact with and things to do, even if it is just busy work.

I write blogs as all who read this understand, I also have written small books and poems over the years. I shall more than likely write more as I go on once I am settled in somewhere. Right now the priorities are simple for me, empty the big house, clean it up, sell it and find a new place to live, I can handle, afford and be comfortable in. I am searching for a new place, in a new state and area I don’t really know much about yet, but, I know starting over, is what I need to do.

I think if I can find a place for myself and get it set up and then find places to go and things to do I will be fine. Finding a new home is the first thing I must do once the old one is emptied and up for sale. I need a smaller place for me and comfort, the ability to have television, radio and intenet is vital for me too. I interact that way with others online and want to get back to it, at some point.

I also want to start writing my wife’s story of her battle with cancer. Can I and do it in a proper manner and get it done, well that will be the challenge for me, at 65 years old. Her story is unbelieveable really, few cancer patients survive 16 years fighting it and she did. I think her story is one of courage, of caring and determination, she was a special woman in so many ways. Patienace, commitment, loyality and in the end love was her way. I am glad, I met her, married her and we had our 28 years together. I would never trade one day of it, for anything else.

Well, I am going on and on it seems here, with thoughts, ideas and more concerning my loss of my wife and the life we led and what is next for me. I guess thinking about it and writting this helps me in someway, why else would I do it right?

Let me say this to those who witnessed, my wife’s end and passing. I did all I could to try to keep her alive and with us all. I gave all my time and effort to it, I was dedicated to her, I was loyal to her, I cared for her and I now miss her dearly. never think otherwise for anything else would be a lie, folks. I did all I could for her and in the end there was no way to save her, I had left. I followed her wishes once she died also, to a tee and that my friends and family is all, one can do. Some wanted to know why she declined so fast in her final days, the truth is she didn’t, she was declining for many years, cancer was relentless in her, she was brave, she would never show her pain, or argue, she hid it well, right to the last six months of her life. And I did it with her. God Bless her now. In the process of her cancer I found myself having cancer too, I survived Lung Cancer myself in 2013, it took a sixteen hour operation to save me. I have been lucky in that way, I lost a lobe and one third of amy right lung, yet I ams till here. So, if anyone wants to know, I survived, I was lucky, and in the end, I did all I could for my wife, I will love her till I die. God Bless All and I ask all to give to the Fight against Cancer in someway, it is a deadly disease that needs defeating!

November 10th, 2021 is upon me, and I have now been without my wife for 90 days. Sadly her passing ha sleft me searching for what to do next, one day at a time. MY coping skills are hetting pushed to their limits for sure as I work to empty the house, prepare to move and look fora new place to live.

I know for me I can not stay in the place she died in an dit bothers me when I do. Memories come flooding back at me and it is hard to get away from them, so I have no choice in what I am doing, which is looking fora new place to live. Some may be able to stay in the place they were at when their spouse died, I am not one of them.

Anyway my search fora new home is taking sometime due to restrictions on loan requirements and such. I wanted to do a mobile or manufactured home then was told no, by the lender. So looking fora solid condo in my price range in the area I want may take a good time, period. DO I need big, no I don’t a one bedroom/bathroom condo would do me fine ora townhome. I can only keep searching for one right now and hope i find one affordable and in a decent neighborhood.

I am also looking at getting a AWD SUV of some sort in the near future. My Ranger pick-up uses far too much gas at today’s prices and i would rather pay fora SUV that is a compact then keep paying so much for gas in today’s economy. Life is not getting easier or better for one on a fixed budget these days.

Food and housing costs are rising as is fuel costs to stay warm, clothing and so much more. Sadly, America is not doing as good as it should due to economic crisis time.

Anyway, time is ticking each dya away and i am growing older it seems. Time waits for no one or for no rerason either, neither does Mother Nature give up any control. In the past some have said Adam and Eve had the longest relationship ever, I disagree, Mother Nature and Father Time have the longest ongoing ever.

I wake each dya and wonder what to do next as i search house listing in the area i want, and then look at vehicles too. Not a good enviroment right now to do so in for sure. I couldn’t control it though and can’t still, no one could control when my wife would die except the Good Lord. And he did.

I have had people related to my wife, who died, asking why I do not talk to them or bother with them. I can honestly say, they don’t care about me or how I am doing, they were only interested in what they could get, once my wife died. Well, they have been given all they will get now and time marches on, not a one of them bothered to call me and say thank you for all I gave them, or to check on me. So I shall carry on the best I can alone, is all I can say.

Time waits for no one, and it doesn’t matter what your circumstances, or anilities or wnats or needs are. As humans we can only control what we do in life while we are here on this planet, we have no control over time, or mother nature for that matter. Seems we age, we grow old, we face illnesses and loses, and we will either wake up the next day or we won’t. Is there a ppurpose for us in all there is?

Humans face this question daily when our eyes open and we are still breathing. We know we have to get up and get moving and we do daily if we can. We search for what we need to do next each day, and then we do it! Then there comesa time when we can no longer do so, and we like the trees and other live things on earth, start to fade into a non-existanse. Why is that so, that is the real question is it not? Why are we, the human race here on earth and what is our real purpose, someone should tell us, so we do not roam aimlessly about and do nothing important.

Some have a belief, of, live life to the fullest, do what you wnat while here and enjoy. Others look fora purpose for their life and reach out and help others, or some destroy, because they believe it is their purpose in life. There are so many answers to the question of why humankind is here on earth, we may never know for sure.

Are we made in God’s image, or are we a mico-orgasm living in a worldwe have no idea about and we see as huge. Ants have the same problem if you watch them a bit, they go about digging any hills, taking care of their Queens and bringing her food and more. We tend to be like ants, except we don’t live in the ground but on it. We scavage, we hunt, we search and we roam. We interact with one another just as ants do with one another. The amazing thing is we never stop to see the similarities between us and the ants of the world, do we?

What makes us different is one thing, we seem to have intelligence and a purpose beyong what the ants have. We reach for the stars, we run and jump and play and laugh and cry, out loud for the world to see, and judge us. Do the ants get judged also, i sometimes wonder and if so by who?

Earth has provided us with an atmosphere and owygen to survive and water too. Yet mankind is too greedy to see what itis doing in raping the planet and polluting the atmosphere we so desperately need to survive and it lakes and oceans too. Why, don’t we realized we are killing ourselves slowly overtime and stop what we are doing? If we did humans could last a while on earth, maybe even until we can reach a new planet to survive elsewhere. The sciencetist seem to understand it all, the average human being doesn’t as of yet, so we go on raping, pillaging and using up the planet, till at some point we will have no place left to live anymore. Eart may end up like MArs and other worlds a desolute, planet with no real life on it, why because mankind, yes us hiumans don’t think of what we are doing, or are too greedy and selfish we use up everything we can. A husk of a planet will have no atmosphere for humankind, no oxygen for us to breath, or water to drink or food left. What then mankind, where do we go then? It has been said, mankind, humanity is the most intelligent species on the planet, if so why can’t we see we are using up all the resources the planet offers and ultimately killing ourselves off and the planet too?

We need noursement, we need water, we need air to survive. Mankind has attacked each of those resources in such a way that they are diminishing at a greater rate then they can replensh themselves. If mankind wants to survive and havea world to stay alive on with all we need to live then we need to save the atmospege, the food chain and the water supplies we have. mankind needs to wake up and realize we are killing our planet and ourselves off, slowly over time and we will have no place to go, or way to reach a new planet, will we? We can’t even spy upon or find a planet that will support our form of life as of yet, so why are we using up, and destroying what we have now?

Tomorrow it is back to the home in Connecticut to sell more items. Time waits on no one thats for sure and at the sametime I spend time searching for a new place to live in Massachuetts. Basically I want to downsize and find a condo to buy that willo fit me. Being 65, it won’t be easy to find a place i like, I like privacy and the loan company said no to a mobile home so far. SO I am guessing it will be a condo with one or two bedrooms only next.

The hardest part is driving back and forth during daytime hours and meeting people as they buy parts of my life from me. The time consuming is big time for the driving and other things one must do. I wish I didnt have to go through this and my wife was still alive with me and here, but alas, I have no choice for she has passed. I cry at times, remembering her and the way she fought for so long against cancer and I did it with her. The battle was 16 years long and in the end when she finally lost, I cried and I still do, thinking of her. The thing I must do now, is carryon without her, and do the best I can to build a new life without her. I miss her terribly, believe me, but I also know i have to do what I have to do, I am still here.

Each day is an adventure now, as I try to do everything on my own. I had to learn to pay the bills by myself and her way of doing it. Then, I have to sell all I own now to survive and carryon without her and to move forward now. I need to sell the house for what is a widower of 65 years old going to do with, a four bedroom, 3 1/2 bath home? Nothingfolks so I am hoping some family will want it to raise their children in. Time shall tell now as i keep emptying it the best I can.

What the future shall hold for me, is a guess, all I can do is one day ata time and hope I am going in the correct direction, to a peaceful existense for me, till I pass. I have a plot nextto my wife all set to receive me, when i do pass now and the Veterans Administration will bury me.

I have done all I can for others most of my life, from family, to wife’s to daughters, to grandchildren and more. I served Uncle Sam for 16 years and then took care of my second wife for 28 years, and 16 of them fighting her cancer. I hope now, I can find a life of peace and quiet and good times, till, I pass. Do, I deserve an ending for myself that has some joy, some laughter, some peace to it? I hope I do and that the Good Lord will help me achieve it, before I pass myself. Is it something I deserve I am not sure, but I know, I want peace now and some fun times, and comfort. I am hopeful I can find it soon.

Monday is upon us folks, it is now November 8th, 2021. time stops for no one, and Mother Nature and Father Time are in a constant struggle for superiority. It is the time of year when seasons change, cold sets in and mother nature takes over. We tend to survive it in someway, every year in New Englad here in the states and many love the change of seasons that happen. Some are born and bred in New England and we enjoy or withstand it well during winter, others have to move to warmer climates.

Well, it is one day at a time still for me. I am searching for a new home in Massachuetts, and it is a slow process. Limitations always come into play when your 65 and you have to go by the rules of the loan your able to attain. I suppose in order to do what I want it will take time to find a decent place for myself. I need a small one bedroom or two bedroom condo or house. I was going to do a mobilehome, but, the loan company won’t allow it.

Life is not the same without my wife of course, changes need to be made. She is gone and now I must survive and sell all I have to keep going and make a life for myself. The house is close to empty in Connecticut and now, my search for a new home is in full swing. I am hoping to find a place then finish the house off, and move on soon enough.

Is there a life left for me out there, I am hoping so. Time shall tell of course, I keep going one day at a time, which seems like the best way to go for me. When I stop to think of my wife and her being gone it slows me down and makes me sad of course. I only hope at some point it will get easier and the teardrops will stop coming and so will the pauses I keep having now a days. I keep being told it shall get easier with time, but, how much I have no idea now. I know in two days, my wife will have been gone now 90 days, and the memories come back to me. I do miss her deeply, but I also know, I have no choice in carrying on alone for now.

Next subject for going over the samething can be boring and depressing for me. Covid 19 keeps raging across the land, although the vaccines are slowing it somewhat. I understand some do not want the vaccine, but, in the end it is what is keeping more of us alive and healthy then not. Some like Arron Rodgers, did not get the vaccine and got the virus now and time will tell what happens in his case. What the NFL will do with Rodgers over the issue is still a question for all to watch. I guess fines and maybe suspension or some such discipline will happen.

Next is the murder trials and violence in America. Listen folks, let me say this stop it. I don’t care who you are, what color you may be, what nationality you are, your American period. If you don’t like someone or something walk away folks, don’t shoot people or knife people or kill people, please. We go through seeing and hearing reports of these violent acts on television in commercials, or newscasts or in programs and people tend to copy them. Look, violence is so prevalient in America and it’s media that it is infecting our mentality and the way we behave daily. The carry over is sad and damaging to human life in America and it makes it unsafe on our streets daily. We need to stop showing violence on television and in movies too, children see it and it affects how they think and act in our society.

Politics in America is a mess folks. Let me say something here for all who are into it, we must stop the divide between the ultra right and the ultra left and find a medium groud so we can move our country forward again. The right is blocking all the left puts out and vice versa and it is causing a damn log jam in Washington, and in The House and The Senate. It is not what we elected these Senators and Representatives to do. We elect people to public office and positions of power so they can represent us and our opinions and ideas, not fight against one another on a regular basis. One word comes to mind for me as i think of this stuff, compromise. In life we all must compromise in someway to survive. Look you get in a relationship with a person you love or like and you learn one or the other must compromise for it to last. The same should be happening in Congress folks, do what is right for the country, it’s people you represent and compromise, because if you don’t you are a problem and you should either leave office or be removed by being voted out. Compromise is the status that needs to happen for America to move forward, the Republicans must compromise, the Democrats also must do the same. Otherwise, if no one compromises, nothing gets done, relationships break up and people go seperate ways and in the end nothing advances or helps the people you and I. I be 65 years old folks, one lesson I have learned in two marriages, you want it to work, compromise!!!!!!!!! Please learn the lesson now and we will all be better off if the Republicans and Democrats get the idea!.

Sunday is upon us folks, November7th, 2021. Sunday in many homes at this time of the year is football day, NFL Games begin at 1 pm. I usually watch them if I can, if I can’t then I track the scores. It is one of my favorite things to follow in this time of year.

Anyway, my search for a condo or home in the area continues. I went to look at one and all it was, was a glorified apartment being sold as a condo. It should be illegal for Real Estate Agents to list them that way. Rent it don’t list it as a condo for sale for freak sake, it isa disgrace and a waste of time for a buyer to look at it.

I search for a condominium that is decent and fair priced in the area I am in in Bristol County around Rehoboth, Taunton, Attleboro, Mass area. I saw one since I started looking and it went fast. I want a seperate building and a garage if possible and if possible one floor. But I will settle for two floors if the price and size and location are right. Being a widower it is not easy to find a decent place to live in such a manner, people want too much, for much less, than I want. Anyway it seems to me that finding a place in this Bristol County of Massuechuetts will not be easy. Many are looking and the places come and go exteremly fast on the market these days. Time shall tell I know that much, it will take a bit of time to find a decent place.

I have been asked since my wife’s death in August if i will ever look for anew woman in my life or heard it asked about me. I don’t believe I will anytime soon. Dating woulod not be something I look fiorward to at this time at all. I don’t wnat to say absolutely no, but I can say so far I am alone and trying to get used to it once more and find myself.

In meantime I am trying to sell all I had in the house with my wife, to ready it for sale. I want to remove all items and then clean the carpets and sell it as is. Hopefully all shall workout correctly, soon enough. Again time shall tell, but as my dad used to say, if you put ypour mind to it, to do it, you will get to it if you stick with it. Dad was usually right!

As I age I tend to think back over my life, I am now 65. Have I done all I want to do yet, that is still a question to be answered if you ask me. I tend to wonder at times if I have done enough and did it well enough. Usually I end up telling myself i am a work in progress and have a way to go yet. It is what life is about is it not? I think so!

November 5th, 2021, awoke to 30 degree weather outside today at 7;06 am, talk about chilly. Frost is covering everything, outt here and even a chill has seeped into the house. Seems, Mother Nature and Father time are in tune for the winter to be heading our way soon enough.

My search for a new home is still happening here in Massachuetts, Bristol County area. I did obtain a preapproval letter from a loaner so I am looking now. I do have some questions on what I can buy under it though so I will call them sometime today for that. I don’t neeed a big place, I prefer a smalle rone for myself, I was looking at mobile homes because they are smaller and more affordable, and i believe i can handle a 55 plus community type setup, because I am 65 now. But I will have to call the loaner to see if it is possible otherwise I must search for a condo type place.

As to the house in Connecticut, it is currently on hold, till I find a place to bring what I need to. I need to empty it still the rest of the way, probally donating what is left to charities or organizations to help others, like the Veterans. I hope to get it on the market this month, soon enough if i can, but time shall tell.

I also need a new vehicle when possible. I would like a SUV of somekind a small one with AWD. I have examined and looked at Honda’s HR-V and Hyuandai’s Kona for starters. I will hold off on the vehicle I think until I secure a place to live. Unless a great deal comes along of course.

Well, time is now flying by day by day here. Each day seems long and to me boring at times. I miss my wife who died August 10th, from cancer, but I also know i am still here on earth and have to carry on, on my own. Sadly, there may never be someone else in my life like my wife was for me, we did it all together.

I have made few changes since she passed, preparing the house and emptying it is one thing, I am close now. Once that is done, and the carpets cleaned i shall get a Realator and sell it outright as is. In the meantime, I am staying at my sisters with her and her man. I will drive down and work on the house as i can. At some popint I need to get a Uhaul to bring what I need to Mass, when i find a place. Everything must be done in steps in order for it all to work out, correctly.

I have been frugal up until now as to what I came do so far. I bought a new Chrome Notebook I am using and now a new Iphone when it arrives today sometime. I don’t plan on going crazy in buying items just what I need as i go along and find a place to settle into.

The economy sucks for those of us stuck on budgets and benefits to live. Prices rise but income to survive does not. So, life goes on and being frugal is what I must be. I am hoping the governemnt can see a way to bring inflation down once more, but time shall tell folks. Congress needs to get it’s shit in one bag and fix the situation for all of us who are middle income and below, fast. If they don’t, I recommend we remove those blocking it from happening from office and elect new people to do so, fast. 2022 will be upon us fast, and if America doesn’t get with the times and fix it’s economy we can go the route of the Romans and others who perished from the planet, as empires that failed.

The Covid fight continues daily in the world, as different companies produce vaccines and pills for it. Each of us who get vaccinated, saves ourselves as well as possibly those we love around us. I know there are many who won’t get vaccinated for personal reasons, like it’s there body and no one should tell them what to do with it and thats their right of course. Sadly, they don’t seem to consider others around them, includingtheir own families and relatives when they do so. Yet they have the right, and do as they please, good luck to them I say.

Each morning I hear about murder trials, deaths, cancer fights, and politics on tv news. It seems to me the stories of bad news heavily outweigh the good news ones. Isn’t there a news agency, or station out there that can produce more positive news then negative news, these days. All the negative news is depressing and sad, and affects all Americans and their mental status. Do the news Agencies know how the reporting of the negative or bad news affects the mentality and emotional well-being of all Americans, do they ever consider that? Maybe consideration is what is lacking in America’s Society, in all areas, such as the Covid Vaccination situation, the news reporting and more?