November 4th, 2021, in New England the land is frosted over here! The temperature when I woke today was 28 degress and overcast outside. The seasons are changing again as we head towards a winter once more. Halloween flew by it seems and off to winter we go.

In the meantime, my search for a new place to live continues, and so does the emptying of the old home in Connecticut. I have to finda place to be now first and foremost, then go finish the house in Connecticut and put it up for sale. All takes time, and at this point in time the rush is not on as of yet, although I have what i need to buy a new place for myself now.

I am debating with myself as to where I wish to live and in what style. I want peace and quiet yes, but I also want to be able to interact with others my age at least. I am thinking of 55 plus communities to live in and looking at condos and mobile homes that will be affordable. Without my wife or anyone else in my life a mobile home may be the way to go, less work to it, easier to maintain. Being 65 and a widower now, I really don’t need or want anything major, to live in or to work on, I am not interested in doing too much work.Upkeep and maintanence is not something I will love to do, when you reach 665 you have had enough of it, if you get my idea here.

Everything since my wife’s death has been a day to day affair for me. At times it feels like i am walking thru a dense fog, and at other times it feels like time is speeding too fast for me. I hada lifestyle with my wife, we shared of peace and quiet and we talked and watched television together and more. Now it is me alone and I hate being alone and miss her deeply. I only hope I can continue on and live the rest of my life well and be happy again at some point. Life is meant to be lived of course, and my intention is to live it well if at all possible.

The sad part I am noticing in America today as my life goes on, is that Americans don’t seem to care about anyone else except themselves these days and they are greedy and selfish to a point, that they hurt others. Look I understand you want yours, but, in the end, why, be greedy over it all. Not every American is rich or well off, prices are rising, people will need housing, heat and food and more, is there really a reason why the rich can’t help the poor and equal it out to a point no one dies of hunger or homelessness in America?

Politics in America is a mess also, what I am seeing is ultra liberalism and ultra conservatism, founda moderate course please and set one for the people who elected you politicians and lets move ahead. Passa damn budget that works, pass an infrastructure bill that works, help the poor and needy and lets get on with it. Otherwise I think it doesn’t matter which party you belong to, if you dont do your damn job, you should be voted out of office and fired period. Some politicians have spent most of their life in Office and are so set in their ways they don’t listen to the people anymore or do their jobs, we should vote them all out of office.

Well let me close by saying this today, in the past great empires like the Aztecs, the Mayas, the Romans and yes even the germans have fallen flat and disappeared. Is America the next great civilization to head to it’s demise? Are we the American People about to kill our own form of government, and our own style and type of life off? We are on the verge of destroying ourselves as a nation and a country, and we do not even realize what we are doing to our Republic and Democracy as alifestyle in the world and here at home! I pray that more will see what is happening and work to better the country, instead of destroying it, as is happening now. All, seem to forget we are a democracy all voices get heard and should be heard and the majority should rule, but we must guard against autocracities, tyrants etc. Communism is not going anywhere folks it will be here forever in the world, but, do we want it in America, I think not. So, shouldn’t all politicians be working together to better our democracy and keep our republic strong?

Welcome to November 3rd, 2021 all! The first frost has hit now here in New England! It will indeed get chilly for sure, always does in New England each year we experience the weather changes. Sooner or later the weather goes cold in November and the snow comes, at us.

Well, for me November is a lousy month as is December really, I have never been a big holiday person, and they tend to depress me some each year. When you end up not celebrating holidays like i do, ypu tend to stay alone a lot, depression can get you unless you sleep through it all or find other things to do.

I am currently working overtime in trying to keep my mind busy, so I don’t get depressed due to my wife passing in August, from Cancer. The battle against cancer took us through the last sixteen years of her life, and sadly as all know she lost that battle. That has left me alone in the world with the exception of my sister and her man. So, it is now one step at a time for me each day.

The House in Connecticut is now almost emptied, with the exception of a few remaining items I need to remove or take with me. It will now depend on where i live and what I live in as to what I take with me. The size of my next residence will determine that for me, as I search.

I have been looking for a condo or a mobile home in a 55 plus community. I don’t need a big space for myself as an individual, but I do want a place in good condition and no major repairs, period, and less maintenance then a regular home. I don’t, want to have to do hard work anymore, I am 65 now. A Widower my age shouldn’t be doing that kind of work anymore.

I am currently searching slowly fora new home so i can finish the old one being cleaned out and cleaned up and sold as fast as possible. I would like one big enough to have a office anda bedroom, living room, kitchen and area and a full bathroom of course. I am not looking for expensive or unreasonable prizes either, the market is a sellers market these days for sure.

I like the area of Bristol County, Mass. here, it seems friendly and quiet. Peace is what I seek for my final days so to say as i age. Do I care if it i a mobile home or a condo, not really, I just don’t want attached to another building, such as townhomes do. A lil space goes a long way for me. I like some privacy and Ilike a lil room but not too big interior. I will probally furnish brand new in my own style for a single man. The way I see it I may need a living room set, a eat in kitchen set I have if needed and I also have a full bedroom set if i want to keep it.

Life still goes on for me and I must prepare for being here a while. I have no idea how long I have left at 65 years old, but, I do know i don’t want to be a burden on anyone. I want my independence, as long as i am capable of caring for myself, period.

Being a disabled veteran, I have the Veteran’s Administration for help and medical problems which I am sure I will be using. I am lucky in the way, I served for 16 years in the service and i am covered by them if needed. I will also be buried by the Service I am sure, I have appeoval for it all, from them. My job nowiis to live out my remaining years in the best way I can, it should be time for me to have some fun and do as i want. Time shall tell of course, but who knows what the fates, destinies and the Good Lord have, in store for me.

November has rolled in and Halloween has rolled on by. The weather is changing and the temps begin to drop, as I work to clean out and then sell my home. Finding a place to live may be a little harder than I thought also, for condos, small ones are not easy to find. I have examined and looked at mobile homes, but so far no luck, time shall tell.

Sleep is at times hard to come by, even with pills I take these days, I awoke at around 5;30 am today. Seems it doesn’t matter what I do, my body wakes me and I can’t go back to sleep until later. I guess old habits die hard as they say.

As time goes on I feel my age creeping up on me, my bones ache and my back and neck act up, my fall in the Navy comes back to haunt me daily. Yet, I just keep on plugging along the best I can. Six herniated discs, ptsd, sleep apenea don’t stop me, so I am still here. Day by day and night by night I continue on in the fight for life.

Well, right now I have to put things on hold for a bit, as to my hous ein Connecticut. To finish the clean out and get it ready for sale, I need to be there, but can’t right now. I also need to determine what I can keep and can’t keep out of it. I may just keep the bedroom set I have and go from there in a new place. Time shall tell.

I sometimes stop and wonder, what I am still here for these days, what does the Lord want from me? What do I have left to share or take part in? I don’t really know folks, but at 65 years old, an age i never thought I would reach, I have to wonder what is next for me. Is there more to life I am to experience or something I am supposed to do, I havent as of yet? Questions abound and come up daily, each dya my eyes open and i crawl from bed. What purpose do i have, what should I be doing, why am I still alive?

I miss my wife, I am sure it is obvious to anyone who knows or talks to me. She was my sounding board, my rock, my founndation in many ways, sadly she is no longer here. I stumble at tiomes in thought or in a memory of her and all we did for 28 years together. It is an integral part of me in many ways. Missing her doesn’t make me stop everything, but it does make me stop to think now and then.

Look as a widower now at 65 years old, I wonder what the good lord has in store for me and what he expects me to do next with my time on earth. It is a question I think any survivor of cancer or of a deceased spouse will get to. The old what am I still doing here, after she is gone question. When I think of it the first thing I can see, is I am here for some reason, but I can’t fanthom why. I knowit sounds morbid to say it, but sometimes i wish I had climbed into her bed and went with her. Yet I know, it would have not helped in anyway then or now to do so. I just know I miss her deeply and always will.

As I make my second cup of coffee this morning, I find myself thinking of many things. One, is where to go next in life and how to get there. I need to finda new place to live and a way to buy one. I need dependable transportation also. I have lived 65 years always doing for others in one way or another, now I must figure out how to do for myself once more. Decisions are not easy for me to make it seems, but I must make them for sure. Where to live, how big of a place, what kind of furniture etc. all comes to mind.

Then what kind of vehicle do I get for myself that is safe to drive, economical and dependable too. I need to have a way around where everI live and I need to be near enough to a family member. So all of that is in process at this point in time and none of it is as simple as some think it may be. A progression must happen in order for it all to work out right.

Anyway November has arrived, and the Holiday Season is coming, and who knows if i shall survive it, for holidays have never been big for me. I tend to dislike holidays, they cost too much. They also tend to make me depressed in a way, for those i loved are now gone, no fun celebrating alone is there !.

I remember what i told my sister when my wife died and we buried her, I asked one question, What Do I do now? It is still the question I need to answer for myself!

Recently, I have begun to search for a couple of things I need. My wife died in August or 2021 from cancer, thus I can not stay in a four bedroom, 3 1/2 bath home alone. I am emptying the house and selling all I can of course and will sell the house in as is shape. On top of that I face the need for a new vehicle that is dependable and AWD for foul or winter weather conditions. What I am finding is both car dealers and realtors have something in common they both try to upsale you and push you to buy fast. I am not in too big a hurry so I catch them in the act and walk away, laughing at them in some way. I suppose it is their job to do so, but they should realize not all people are gulliable or easy marks.

Anyway I continue to search for a decent condo and a decent vehicle slowly now. I have looked at some places online and one in person. Then, I have also start comparing certain vehicles to one another, like the Kona to the HR-v and so on. I want a vehicle that will handle snow and ice and that is economical too for gas prices. A place to live isa second thing, because I am lookinhg fora condo or a mobile home that is worth purchasing and owning. I am not interested in a home or mobile home that is large or huge or out of shape in someway, l ikeneedinga roof or windows. I want aplace that is in shape and will not need major repairs at all fora long while.

Each day is an adventure in finding these things for sure. Realtors want to sell so bad it is killing them, and so are car dealers. It is indeed a sellers market right now, which makes it rough on us buyers who need places or vehicles. Time will tell, what I happen to do next, for my searches have begun in full.

As to a place to live,I am limiting myself to a budgeted price and the same with the car or vehicle. I am also only looking for the place to live in a limited area, of course. Each day isa eoll of the dice in finding something that will work for me a singole man once more and widower.

Anyway, life is still pressing on and time does too it seems, nothing stops for any reason. Life they say, is but a game and they let it slip away, Seals and Crofts sang that as a verse in a song they did. it applies to each day we live, even if we don’t want it to.

I pray I can find a decent p-lace to live and a decent vehicle i can afford so I still have money left for my future. One day at a time is all anyone can do these days. If I have any luck, I will be fine otherwise I may have to wait a bit.

Welcome to November 1st, 2021 folks. Fall is really upon us and winter will be soon also. Time continues to tick on no matter what we do doesn’t it, we get older by the second and the world keeps spinning the best it can. When your been on the world for 65 years like me, you will understand thereis not much that cansurprise you anymore. I have seen the good times, the bad times, the busy times and the loneliness times too. We tend to find a way to survive all of them, if we try.

Ok, the house is closest I have ever seen itto being emptied and done and going up to sale as can be. I have some items to give away yet that must go, so I will be looking for places that come get it with trucks. Then whatever I am taking with me will have to be put aside until I find aplace of my own to transport it all to.

A small place is all I really wnat for me, one where i can sleep, eat and watch tv and do my laundry and cook and read. Otherwise not much more do I need I don’t need to be doing yard work and maintenance stuff these days, I am getting old. So I am figuring a mobile home in a senior, 55 or older community fo rme. A Place to park my vehicle, and a place to park myself as needed, and dependab;le transportation to the Doctors and stores and such is all.

I hope I can find one and get a loan to buy it soon. I am contacting a Veteran’s Organization for that purpose hopefully I will get word soon. On ward and upwards is what I say, anyway. Not much more I can do except get up daily and try to find aplace to live and move on to. I look and hope is all and then will apply and see what happens.

For 28 years I lived with my wife who passed in August and never had to worry about where i lived or how or anything. With her passed and me on my own it will be rough to start over, at 65 years old. I have been lucky, I havea sister who is very helpful and is working with me to get to the end of it all here. The Lawyers are working on the probate ffrom my wife’s death. It has to clear thecourts and the Trust Fund must be reset before I am done there. I have herc ar to sell and the house as soon as I can before I can move on anyway.

Well, in the end here, I did all I could for my wife as I stated before in my blogs and in person to any who know me. I did a proper burial and goodbye for her also and got her a headstone and more. I shall love her till I die of course, but, I shall have to carryon till I join her one day. When that shall be I do not know.

For now I shall go day by day, moment by moment is all. It is what mankind does daily in their own way, eachof us anyway. I am reminded when I think of how we work, how similar to ants we are.Like the ants we are born and then scurry through life doing daily tasks and missions so to say and rush to and fro to our homes/ ant hills and work. In the end we do what we can to make it through tillwe die, we don’t know the big purpose we are here for, we just do, till we expire or die. In many ways we are like the ants of the world we look down upon daily, only difference is we can make choices better and we live longer. We have the ants below our feet and never look and see them mostly, and we scurry to and fro like they do on this big planet we call earth.

We are almost the same as the ants of the world folks, except we are intelligent and stand up straight. We scurry for food and work and we nest in our homes, so do they. FUnny how when one stops to think about life, it is all the same from the small ants to us. Makes you wonder, why we are really here doesn’t it?

Happy Halloween to all for 2021! May your halloween be filled with costume parties and friends and plenty of goodies!

Now, I am very close to finishingt he clean out of my house, I will more than likely donate a lot for sure. Once it’s cleaned out the rugs will be cleaned and up goes the house for sale.

I am also in the process of looking for a new vehicle. I am trying to decide which small SUV I want for myself, it will probally be that last carI buy in my life, so I want one that is economical and comfortable for me to drive to Doctors and Shopping and such. I am debating for myself between, the Hyandai Kona and the Honda Hr-v. Whichever I do purchase has to have All Wheel Drive for cold weather, and the electronic stuff I want in it, plus good mileage of course.

I am looking at small places to buy to live or a mobile home in a 55 plus community. I have seen some that are nice and under 200 grand, and affpordable. Since it is just me, it should be small and in a decent neighnorhood. The search continues of course but soon I have to makea move, for the house is emptying fast in Connecticut.

Today being Halloween, many will be out at costume parties and having fun I am sure. Keep the kids safe and drive carefully all. Don’t drink and drive for the police will be out looking and watching, tickets are expensive these days, it will hurt your wallet and your insurance too.

Well, I now know i must carry on alone, as all now know my wife died on August 10th, 2021 from cancer. So, I am gonna be moving ahead for I have no choice now. I hope all understand, when you lose a spouse it is rough, but, all of us have no choice in what we do, we are here they are gone. God Bless all on this Halloween Day!

October 30th, 2021, has arrived folks. I got out of bed at 6;58 am today knowing I have to drive for two hours to Connecticut today. I am still working on clearing out my home and getting it ready for sale in the near future.

Once I do so and finish it, I sell the house and move on. I can’t keep it of course what is one person going to do with a four bedroom, 3 1/2 bath home? Nada is what so I am selling it as is when i finish.

I will have to get a U Haul truck to load up in the end what I can bring with me, to where i move. I hope it isn’t too much so I am being careful about what I am doing.

I have a Snow Thrower to sell, and some furniture to get rid of and then small items must go and the kitchen must be emptied out. I will call the lawyer on her car soon and see if i can sell it also. There are other loose ends of course to take care of, but I am going one day at a a rime is all.

I am searching for a new place to live in Massachuetts, near to Rehoboth I hope. I don’t need a big place just a one bedroom condo or so will do for me, since i am now alone again after 28 years. I am also looking at 55 plus communities for a place to live, maybe a mobile home a small one, for me alone. I really dont care what anyone thinks about where I may live, or how I may live alone, for it is just me as long as i have a bed, a place to eat and cook and wash my clothes and a vehicle that is dependable, I will be fine.

What the future holds for me I can not say, but I know I am 65 years old and I want peace and quiet and if possible comfort. A place I can come home to relax, and sleep when needed, shower, shit and shave also. lol

I just hope, no one thinks what I am asking for or wanting is too much, I did my time in the service and I did my time with two wife’s, two children and more, I think I deserve some place comfortable and peaceful and where i can run out my life, in a way I want.

To those who think, I am wrong in what I want, well I can say I am sorry, because I am not asking for much. To those who think I didnt give enough or care enough, you can go to hell, I did all I could, when my wife died. God Rest Her Soul and I hope mine when I pass.

I had one person asking when I shall move on as far as finding another woman in my life, my answer is simple folks, I am 65, old and at time crotchity, but I really don’t care to mix it up with a woman, again at this stage. If it happens it happens, but I am not looking for it right now.

SO many things need to be finished before i can settle down in a place of my own again. I need to finish the house and sell it, sell my wife’s car for what I can get for it. Have the carpets cleaned in the house to sell it outright, in as is shape.

Then I must still find a place to go soon, a home for me I can afford and live in. I don’t need big, small shall do for me. Which is why I think I will probally look at mobile homes in a 55 plus community. That way, it is small, affordable for me and comfortable as long as it is warm, and insulated and has what I need in it.

If people think I am wrong for what I do, or how I do it, I am sorry. I buried my wife, and got her headstone. I did my duty as a husband, a father and a son all my life. I also served my Country for 16 years in the service and served my second wife for sixteen years of her cancer battle out of the 28 years we were together. As my Doctor said tto me,” No more answering to them now, no more taking care of others now, it is time I take care of myself and make my days left right for me.” I hope to do just that folks!

Decisions, everyday we have to make decisions in out life, where to live and what to do next, how do I do it all and how soon. Time flies it seems and before you know it, your close to the end of your life. Happens to all of us without us realizing it really. I have now seen it up close and personal and to be honest at times feel it now too at 65 years of age.

Is life meant to be a good time for all of us, a shabby time, a bad time or a mediocore time? We don’t know really do we, we just live day to day as long as we wake up. I wake up each day and the first thing I think of is my wife who died and I pray for her safe and comfort, in heaven or the best please we can all go to,

Then I start to get out of bed, slap on some clothes, grab my coffee and pills and try to start my day, in a positive way if possible. I have things I must get done to get through the death of my wife now. The house is close to being emptied, and then the carpets must be cleaned, so it sells. Then I need to make changes to how I access things and more. One thing at a time is all I can do really. I know I can never live in the house again, so it must go.

Then there is always the question of where I can go next. I keep looking at plaxes near my sister here in Mass. I have found a few mobile homes in 55 and plus neighborhoods. I am thinking a mobilehome, so I can save some money, be comfortable and get a decent vehilcle to get me to Doctors and such as well as shopping. It will be a new area to learn and explore and I am sure I shall meet new people also. I have nothing holding me to Connecticut, left now. My wife was it, and I miss her a lot, but, I know also I must go on till I join her later, when my time comes.

I started looking at homes and cars too. I will need dependable transportation that is economical for me. I looked at different compact SUVS, one a Kona and one a H-RV, drove both of them yesterday. Which one I will get is still a decision I need to make, but, I need ,one good one, for me.

Then when I do settle into a place I will need to furnish it just for me. I have not been alone and single in many years now, decades. It will be strange to have to pick out furnishing and to outfit a home with no female input. Yet I will need at least a bedroom set, a livingroom set and a dinette set for starters. Some i may bring with me from the house if I can, time will tell soon enough.

What do I really want at this point is what I must decide now, If I buy a condo it cost more and it is less of a nest egg I have left to lean on asi go forward. Then how mush will I spend to get furnishings and a car I need? I need to budget it all to figure it out peoperly and pay my current bills until I shut down the house completely in Connecticut. Limited budgets are due to the fact I live off of disability payments and do not work anymore. Time shall tell for sure.

Some thought I think, I would keep the house and live there but I can’t, period. some thought when my wife died I woul dbe attached to her daughter and children sorry I am not. As to other friends i havea few but none I would bother. So, in the end for the last 28 years it was my wife and I period and we lived basically alone, together. So, now that she has passed, I have no choice in moving on and starting over elsewhere on my own. It is the only logical thing to do, as Mr. Spock said in Star Trek.

The loneliness, will take a lot to get used to, no one to bounce ideas off of, no one for common chatter or to wake up to, or take care of anymore except myself. I spent the past 28 years, shopping, cleaning, cooking and fixing the house for her and I. Taking her to appointments, like Doctors for heart problems, Doctors for canber problems, chemo, radiation and then to immuniotheraphy sessions. My life was my wife period, I didnt go to movies, or clubs, or to friends homes, I staye d by her side until she died. I stayed by her till the end for her. I sat in Hospital rooms, Rehab rooms, then ourown dinningroom and house as she slowly passed away. I rerached out for help to make it through and was lucky as all hell I had a sister who came and helped me and is still helping me today. She has seen me through my wife’s passing, her burial and now the emptying of the house and selling of all we had, except the house as of yet. The loneliness of now is hard on me, of course. Will I make it through and survive the loss of my wife, that is yet to be determined for me. There comes times when I wish I had gone with her. and I feel the loss more than most anything in my life, ever. I came close at one point to ending it all and joining her, but caught myself before Iw ould do it or could do it and rerached out for help and got it. So, here I am still on this planet we call earth, alive, and trying to deal with day to day life of my own. Will I be ok, I do not know until I am alone in my own place and trying to survive and stay busy. I can only go one day ata time, and try to stay busy, hopefully I shall be fine, if not, unlike my wife, I don’t think I will ne missed by many if I do pass myself.

Morning to all out there. Today is October 27th, 2021, I awoke at around 7:30 am, the winds were battering everything everywhere here, and of course power went down for a while before returning. Weather we can not control folks no matter what we do. There will always be a few things mankind can not control, one is how long we live an dthe second is the weather, for the only one who controls or works with Mother Nature is indeed Father Time.

As time goes on there is not much I can do or say anymore about life, except to say it is unpredictable and things can change suddenly, at anytime. We live here on earth through the goodness of something we have no understanding of, we just exist folks, until we don’t. Some of us go early and some of us go later in life but if there was ever a saying that was serious it was, two things are definite, one is taxes and the other is death. Now as time goes on and we grow older there is no escaping either of them, believe me.

October is rolling along and day after day I get closer to getting rid of the home I was in for 21 years with my wife who passed in August. I have cleaned out most of it now, and in the end there are still somethings left to clean out and get rid of. Then I need to have the carpets cleaned and then sell the place as soon as i can to move on. All takes time and an effort and it is not easy saying goodbye to 21 years of your life.

That, is where i sit today, as I slowly progress toward a life on my own again, after a 28 year relationship with my wife. There comes periods of sadness and thoughts of her of course it is rough as hell. Yet, I also know she would want me to live my life to the fullest and enjoy what I have left of it. So I shall do the best I can, as soon as I can to get on with it.

Usually, it is news time right now at almost 8:30 am here, but, the weather has turned to high winds and all is quiet as power comes and goes. IT seems that life and mother earth have their own ways today. Sometimes it is fate, sometimes it is destiny and then sometimes, the planet takes over with weather and climate changes like now. We don’t control all of it, we only try to.

Fall is in full force now of course, the leaves are blowing around, the winds are high and rain is everywhere today. The colors are nice to see, the golden yellows and reds mixed in. Halloween is approaching quickly now and before I know it November will be here. I keep searching for a place to live as i stay with my sister and her man for now as the process goes forward.

I check home listings in the area daily here in Massachusetts, seeing if i can find a small condo to live in. Prices wil be tricky until I know for sure what the house sells for in Connecticut. Time will tell what is next for me soon enough I am sure. All I want is a small place I can furnish and live in and be at peace and a decent vehicle for futurre useage, that is dependable for doctors and going to stores and such. Peace is all I seek now, and I am hoping to enjoy life till my end comes.

The way I see it, I spent most of my childhood and teenage years helping others as I went along. Then, I spent my military time and my first marriage doing what was right serving Uncle Sam and my family. Next I spent 28 years with my second wife, and 16 of them taking care of her through her cancer. I really havent spent much of my life so far, just for me. So, I am hoping that now is my time, and I can find peace, some joy and happiness in my final years I have left. Is that asking for too much, I do not know but all I can do is try to do it right now.

I know I did all I could to keep my wife alive as long as i could. Then, I did the right thing in burying her as she requested and getting her headstone. I gave all I could to her daughter and grandchildren now as i cleaned out the house we lived in for 21 years. Whether they are happy with what I gave them or not I did my best to give them memories of her. Hopefully they are satisfied in that way at least, I can’t take away the pain of losing her, but I did what I thought was right in all ways.

Life my friends is about relationships, giving and taking, receiving is not as important as what you give. In life we find people who want more than they are given, for one reason or another, some are selfish, some are greedy, some are emotional and not understanding what they are saying or doing, especially in time of deaths. So, as a 65 year old man who is now a widower, I get it I do, but, you can’t ask for more than I am willing to give. if you do, you won’t get any of it thats for sure, I gave all I can. At some point one must start to take care of themself and not worry about others, I am now at that stage.

At 65 years old, I have now seen most things that can happen in life happen. I really don’t want or need to deal with people who demand and want things other than my paying my bills as I live out my life. Some will say I am cruel or mean, or ask why I am the way I am. My answer to them is simple, I am a realist folks, I deal with what is before me, because I must and I have to live out my own life now.

I only ask that those who know me, understand me when I say, I must now live my life in my own way to the best of my ability, one step at a time is all I can do. I loved my wife, I respected my wife and her wishes, now all I ask is for people to respect me and my wishes and to let me live out my life in peace.