October 24, 2021, time ticks on it seems and life can be slow and boring, or fast and crazy, but in the end, it flies by. Each day, I wake up, I think of my wife who passed and, I, then gather myself and start my day.

Now progress happens no matter what each day brings in many areas. We go forward for we have no choice, because there is never any going backwards allowed. As many times as I would like to go back and see my wife once more I know she can not come back and I can not reach her at all. I will love her till I die and have to continue on without her now.

Now October is moving right along now, and as it does the air is becoming chilly and the leaves change colors on us all, here in New England. October is a chilly time of year that reminds us that winter is not far ahead and we must bundle up to stay warm. It does bring Halloween and thoughts of the coming Holidays ahead, which I will probally end up spending alone. I know it wil be a sad time, but I have never been one to bother others, if i can help it.

Holidays will not be the same of course, but I shall try to survive them. In order to do so, I must think of others who supported me and helped me to survive, till now. It won’t be easy, I swear, but I have to push through somehow and make it.

Now I must finish cleaning out my house and have the rugs cleaned and it put up for sale, as soon as possible. Once all items are gone or donated or sold, the carpets will be done by Stanley Steamer and the house goes up for sale as is. I must sell it, for it is too big ,for one man to own and run, alone.

I am starting to search for a place to go, in the area, i want to be in. Listings, I look at daily and I don’t need anything big. I want a small condo, hopefully one bedroon and bathroom type. Affordable and of course in a decent neighborhood and town. Then I can buy and furnish it as i want, and make it mine. I hope to find a place in a Senior Community if i can, I saw one I liked ,but, it was taken already.

All takes time of course you can’t, make big changes over night when you own, a home. Disassembling the home you lived in for decades is not easy, yet one must do it, under my circumstances now. Staying alive like I am and working to survive is what I must do now. I have no idea how long I will stay alive, only the good lord knows that one. I thought many times I would die before I turned forty, but here I am now at 65 and a widower. Never thought my life would go as it has to be honest, yet I am still here today.

Many times since my wife’s passing I have thought of joining her in eternal rest, than I come to realize it is a cowardly way out, to do so. I know my life has had it’s ups and downs and I am far from perfect in many ways. I just hope as i go on day by day, I can contribute to the world in someway. The hardest part of survving my wife’s passing is finding out what to do with myself, and how to keep going each day, I wake up. I try to keep my mind engaged in writing and whatever I can, so I don’t fall back into depression. The hardest part is the loneliness, of being single again and on my own basically. I am lucky for my sister and her man, have taken me in to help me along. Not all have some family to help them, I am lucky.

I wish the world and science and Doctors could find the solution to cancer and a cure. I wish it was eradicated from the planet and gone so all can never worry about it again. My wife died of cancer and I had it for a brief period of time myself in 2013. I had small cell lung cancer and survived it, luckily. I was very lucky a Doctor of mine had me checked for it due to my family history of cancer. I lost a lobe and a third of one lung due to it, but I recovered. My wife suffered for 16 years from Breast Cancer that spread in her, it went from breast to bone, to ultimately brain in her, taking her from me.

I try each day not to cry over the loss of her and our life together. Memories come and go and so do the tears and sadness and it doesn’t matter that time is passing since her death. So I pull myself together, hide the tears and sadness and stumble ahead, because I know she would not want me to surrender or give up, she never did. As one person said life goes on, until ultimately it doesn’t, that is where i am at now and alone. I don’t have her company, adviice or console anymore, I have to make decisions on my own and move on. It won’t be easy, but it must be done.

Ok October 22nd has arrived already, time seems to wait or stop for no reason. The world keeps moving ahead as I age slowly each day. It seems no matter what, rime will continue to move forward and There really is no choice in what I do or not do now. I need to prepare the house for sale and empty it as I said and it is getting closer now as items sell and disappear when I go there.

Slowly, it all moves along, once the house is empty it must be cleaned for sale and sold. Then of course it is time to move on. I will miss my wife forever till I die myself, but, I have no choice, in all I do. Each day is a new one and I am wihout my Melinda, and I miss her, but that won’t stop time from moving on, for sure.

Now, next on my list is finding a place to live, where I want to go once the house sells. I have made a decision and I am sticking to it. I am looking for a small place for myself, maybe a small condo or apartment I can afford and furnish as i want. I want a decent neighborhood and a clean place, furnished just for me in the end. It may takea bit to find what I want and I do not have to hurry I am told. Thank God I have family to help me along here, who care.

Well, now on to the news some here. Gabby Pitinos boyfriend’s remains were found. Means the Gabby case is now closed as they both will be buried by their families next I am sure. I look at the news and another actor shoots and kills a person on a movie setq with a gun with blanks. Sadly, a man died and the actor Alec Baldwin, pulled the trigger, of course he had no idea, it was a movie prop. More than likely it will go down as an accident on a movie set and no charges shall be filed.

Congress is still playing budget games and time is ticking along. Get your shit straight Congress, both houses please, pass a damn budget and lets get moving again. The Republicans want to play no raising of the budget and the Democrats say it must be raised to fix all that is wrong. Stop arguing and compromise now! It is sad that you havent, so far.

What else is there to do for me now is my next question. In my life i have served in so many ways. I served as a son with my step-father rebuilding the house. I served in the Service for 16 years as an Engineer, ( Boiler Technichan), I served for 28 years in one marriage and in another for 12. I have been a son, a father, a grandfather and a husband to two different wives. I served my second wife and her cancer treatments for 16 years, before she passed. IT has been one thing after another as they came at me, and i accepted each in the only way I knew how and did them. Now, I have no more left to serve since my wife passed, except myself. As a Doctor told me it is time for me to take care of myself, for the rest of my life. So, I am preparing to do just that as fast as i can, all takes time. I am lucky for I have help from my sister, and her boyfriend, and that alone has kept me alive so far. When my wife died I wanted to climb in bed witth her and go with her. Depression had me and I was smart enough to seek help. Time continues to tick on for me, I am 65 and now only seek peace and quiet for myself and a life that will keep me happy and content, I hope I am not asking for too much from the good Lord above.

Thurday has arrivedl, yesterday was October 20th, it has now been over 60 days since I buried my wife Melinda. I miss her terribly of course, and I have tried to do all she wanted me to when she died. She asked for no production or show at her funeral and I did as she requested. I kept it simple to a graveside ceremony on August 20th, and that is how she wanted it. I paid for all regarding her burial and her headstone now. next is the process of her probate and then the house sale once, I can finish cleaning it out. It is not easy giving up the home you lived in for 21 years, but, there is nothing, one man can do, with a four bedroom, 3 1/2 bathroom house with an apartment in the basement also. I can’t afford to run it myself and I can’t see a way to keep it anyway, nor do I want to.

In the recent past, I have been asked, as my sister has also, how did Melinda go downhill so fast? That should never have been a question, for the battle she had was sixteen years long, for her. It surprises me that such a question could be asked by her family. Did they not witness the slide down and the worsening of her health over the years, or did they just want to deny it and not see it? I don’t know, which it was, but, to me, it was sad to hear it come from her sister and her daughter. If they had paid attention, they would have seen what I saw over the past sixteen years of her life, her slowly passing away in different ways. I loved my wife more than anyone will ever know, but, I knew what was happening and I prepared myself mentally and emotionally the best I could and yet, her death shocked me and drove me into depression also. I will always miss my wife, but I will never underatnd the questions I received as I took care of her or why everytime I told people items, they either ignored me, or denied what I was saying and questioned me over it all. Sadly, I can’t stand the fact of what they did, and said.

Time has now moved on, and the future for me, will be a lonely one I gather, because I am 65 and in no rush to enter any relationship with another woman. I will work on standing tall and doing my best to carry on of course and I am sure my Melinda, would want me to do, just that.

Cleaning out the house, selling all I can, then selling the house will take time. Once it is done and her probate is settled I can then buy a condo or place of my own and a new vehicle and start over again, alone. I need new to be able to not get depressed, anymore. Time shall tell how it goes if you ask me, yet it is a necessary thing I must do.

I can say many things about the period of time my wife was home in the end of her life, but, I won’t say it publically, so I do not hurt others feelings or embarrass or humiliate them. I saw and heard things no husband should have seen or heard as their wife was dying and after she died, from her family. Sadly they believe they were ok with it and I didn’t and I don’t appreciate what they did, period. Yet I will move on and not push matters with any of them, for neither really cared about or for me, like Melinda did. I am not stupid or ignorant, nor am I foolish in anyway. I understand they all wanted a part of Melinda when she died and all that belonged to her, they got their share, I made sure. I will not give anymore than I have, I am done giving now and I hope to God, they are happy with what they got. If they are not I am sorry, I owe them nothing and never did and never will.

Where does a widower go after his wife passes away is the big question I must answer for myself now! I know I can’t stay in the area she died in, nor will I keep the house either. I know I must move away and move on so I don’t get depressed and think of ending my own life. I remember what Melinda told me as she was dying one day, she said and I quote, ” I never wanted to put you through this, promise me you will carry on well”. So, I shall do as she wished and wanted for me, find a way to carryon and enjoy the rest of my life. If that doesn’t fit with others ideas or thoughts, I am sorry, it is what I have to do, I am still alive.

e

October 20th, 2021 has arrived. A chill has also arrived in New England here, the temps are beggining to drop once more. As we head through fall to winter, the world and America is changing quickly. Politics is crazy as always and Washington and all politicians need to be reminded who they work for, so, do us all a favor folks, call them, text them, talk to them on social media and more, make them answer up and do their damn jobs. It’s nice to make over 172 grand a year for walking aeound voicing your opinions, but not doing much isn’t politicians, do something!

Next subject, lets talk the murders across America that seem to be happening out of passion and vengence only, or because someone is mentally ill. Let me say this and I think many think it like I do, if you kill someone on purpose, you need to be prosecuted and either jailed for life or convicted and lose your own life for doing so. I know mental illness isa sickness folks and i know we treat mentally ill people, but that is no excuse in the end for killing innocents, unless, it is beyond someone’s control to stop. Not all of these killers, murderers, are mentally ill folks, they kill for money, greed, out of anger while in passion too. It needs to be stopped an dthe only determent that works is indeed the death penalty, it works for it make sthem think twice, before they act.

Ok, the search for the Laundrie man, Brian has been going on now a long time in Florida, if he is alive and hiding in those swamps, it would be a miricle now, or he is some kinda grizzly Adams type. That long in an area with animals including crocodiles and alligators is not easy to survive, the animals would get him, unless he has shelter at night. He would also need food and fresh water to survive, so if he is in there how is he getting those? Reality says, he is either dead, or not in that area and someone, maybe his parents have misled authorities on purpose. Thats my opinion anyway, Gabby needs justice for her, so I hope they find him alive, but I now have my doubts. I would not doubt he committed suicide, instead of going to prison, time will tell of course.

Lets discuss the Donald J. Trump fiasco as i call him and his predicament these days. Trump failed asa President in so many ways and the American people paid for it too. He failed before being elected Prresident at so many things, then he promised so much when elected and accomplished zero, except a tax hike for his cronies and himself, the rich. No wall was completed, he tried to steal the money from the military to complete that one and failed. he can’t sell Trump water, steaks or anything else either, over his lifetime. Trump is the only President in americna History to be Twice impeached in one term by the way and to incite a damn insurection against his own government, someone explain that one to me. His hotels are failing and losing money an dhe is filing court cases to protect documents regarding the insurection fora reason folks. he doesn’t wnat it shown that he instigated and asked it to happen and guided it all. He has no Executive Privilage powers, he isa civilian like you and i, and sSeve Bannon is about to find that out, too. Once you leave office as President all privilages go to the next President, it does not stay with you Trump. The Courts and Justice System will show him that shortly.

Let me say this, I don’t care if the economy is rough folks and the prices rise they will come down sometime soon. Trump can not and should not be allowed to run for the Presidency again period. he is corrupt, aand he is like Hillary Clinton said a Puppet of Putins! Americans do yourself a favor, ignore Trump, hios speeches, his rallies and his lies, he doesn’t care two cents about you or I, he cares only for himself. Do not vote Trump ever again!

To Congress, the Senate and House do the American People a favor, use the Constitution to Ban Trump from ever holding public office again, based on his planning, executing and driving the Insurection against our Government. Do it now, and stop him before he gets launched all the way!

Progress has to happen in the world and in ones life for it to seem worth anything at all. The world progresses daily and so do each of our lives, they become shorter as we go along our lives, and beleive it or not so does the world’s life span. We pollute, we strip mine the planet and it’s atmosphere and oxygen is depketing, and only sciencetist seem to acknowledge that fact.

Nothing goes forever folks including each of us, we all must face our own mortality it seems. I have lived a decent life, it has more good moments, than bad, that is for sure. Would I change anything in my life, sure I think we all would if we could, but the majormoments no, I wouldn’t. Life is about relationships and decisions in my book. You make decisions and choose relationships and that powers you to do what you need or want, is how I see it all. Am I right or am I wrong on the one, even I can not be sure, but I will say, I try.

As time now marches forward, the clock always keeps ticking and time moves on, I sometimes stop and reflect on the past, and yes i have my memories of my life that are important to me too, like many do. Yet, I must keep moving forward for I am not getting any younger for sure. Time waits for no one and yes all of us age each second we are on the planet. I know for myself, at 65 years old, I stop and think each day, how much longer do I have to go. So, I think I should live for each day I have and try to do as I please, and not hurt anyone, anywhere at any time.

All of the above considered, I look each day at places to live, work to empty the house i shared with my wife and try to contain my sadness at losing her. I have no choice but to continue on for I am still here and she is not anymore. I know i hate cancer in all ways and i hope all will give to fight it each and everyday we lived till it is eradicated from the earth. Cancer has taken too many in my life for sure. I lost my grandfather, my real father, my stepfather and my mom to it and now my wife too. hating Cancer is what I do now, for it almost took me too in 2013. I was lucky, it was found early and removed from me.

Many things in the world happen daily and we face diseases and illnesses always. These days people die at a greater rate than almost anytime ever before. We have all the diseases and illnesses like we always have and more now that covid is with us too. The numbers each day grow, sadly, and we fight the good fight against it all, but we have not found the solutions to many of these. I wish we would for the good of all mankind and humanity as a whole.

I wish all will help fight cancer and other diseases and illnesses. Cancer has taken too many folks, and I hope all will help the American Cancer Foundation and others as they look for the cures for it all. Too many are now gone and lost to cancer, Give and help fight it all!

October is rolling right along now, the air is becoming chilly and the leaves are changing left and right here in New England today. The best part of fall in New England is the freshness of the chilly air and the bright colors of the trees as they change before dropping all their leaves for winter. Scenic is what it becomes for sure.

Time slowly marches forward as always for me and i know i am getting older each day, I feel it in my bones and in my body. Yet at 65 I still have enough left to get up everyday and do what I can to move forward for my life and all I need to do to stay alive and livea life of some kind.

Being who I am I have always done everything in twos it seems. Even in my first marriage i had two of everything, two cars, two televisions and more. In my second marriage the same pertained and existed. I had two marriages, two daughters, two dogs at one time and two cats at another. It is funny how that turned out for me. Whats next is the next question of course, and that I am trying to face daily now that I am a widower at 65.

Selling my home that was ours is the first thing I have to work on next. I am holding estate sales to get rid of all in it and what I don’t sell I shall give to GoodWill or Donate to someplace else. I have no need for all of it and when I move and sell the house i want a new area anda fresh start to all I do. Smaller and just for me will be perfect, if I am am lucky I will find a condo I can afford and set up for a single man now.

Some may ask if there will be another woman in my life, I can only answer that in one way, fates and destiny now controll me, so what ever the Good Lord intends for me is what will happen. I am in no rush, but, I also hate being alone for long periods, so time will tell. I will always miss my wife, she was my bedrock and my person to converse with and make decisions with, now, i must do so, all alone. It won’t be easy, but, I am sure I have no choice and will do my best at it.

Once the house is cleaned out and done and sold, I shall find a place, I am sure. I want to have a place of my own, that is small and comfy and I don’t need a lot. I don’t want anything big or that I dont need, I want necessaries and to live peaceful and just find things to do, that will keep my mind busy and my heart full.

As to current conditions in the world as I see them today, politics in America will kill the country unless they can get on one page at some point. Violence rules the world really and sadly murders are on the rise as prices rise also across the world and in our American economy daily. It is sad in many ways, it happens because mankind is divided by politics, race, religion and boundries. We fight over whose opionion is right or wrong and who has what and how to share it or not share it all. It is a sad world for sure.

I have spent most of my life serving others, I served my parents as i grew up working with my dad to rebuild the old house they bought. Then I moved on to serve in the service for 16 years and to take care of my first wife and two daughters, then when that blew up and ended in a divorce, I did not want, I started over and took care of my second wife for 28 years and rebuilt again. It seems to me I have been taking care of and serving others all my life in one way or another. I guess my destiny and fate is to do so, at least up to now.

Now I have spent 16 years in the service, and then did 28 years taking care of my second wife of which 16 of those were fighting her cancer and keeping her alive. Now, it is over and I was lost and depressed over it all for a long period of time in some ways ,I still am. I will survive of course, yet, I wonder what will happen next for me.

My thoughts are simple as I said above, do what I can to sell it all, and find a new location and home for myself. Try to enjoy my remaining years to the best of my ability and settle in one spot. I hope to find and make new friends and enjoy my remaining years on earth, till, I join my wife. All I can do is try to make it the best I can, as I go along ,now. Do I ask for too much, I think not, but the choice in that area is not mine, it belongs to the good Lord as to what will happen to me next. I can only live what I am given to the best of my own ability, I hope that makes sense.

October 14rh, has arrived the chill is in the air and it is around 6:30 am now. The sun here has not risen fully as of yet, it peaks over the horizon just a bit right now. I awoke just a bit ago, and tried to go back to sleep, but, my mind and body would not, let me, today. Seems awake is what I am bound to be right now.

Memories come back in my dreams to me when I sleep, and of course they are vivid at my age. I know they are just memories for once you open your eyes or I mine they disappear like the winds of time blowing through. So many years of memories and times that were good, very few really bad for me. I spent many years doing all I could for my wife who I miss dearly and now she is no longer here to do for. I wish she were, but, I can not change it, can I?

I am preparing to move on alone in life now. The process is slow due to court requirements for Probate for my wife who died. Yet I go forward by cleaning out the house and selling the belongings I can not keep or want with me in the future. It only makes sense to me, to do so. I had never thought, I would be a widower at 65 years old, but, I am now.

Anyway, the world continues to go round and life still exists daily on it. People rush to and fro, working and doing everything and everyday things. It is a world that ceases for no one, or anything it seems. Science is warning mankind though that our atmosphere and oxygen content is depleting now. We basically know, how many planets are in our solar system these days, we are not 100 percent sure we know them all, but, as it goes we are on the one planet that supports human life. Unless mankind can find another planet we can reach that will support human life we are in trouble. We are depleting the oxygen content and minerals in earth at a rate that spells doom for all of mankind soon enough. We should be working overtime to stop pollution and save the world we live on.

Next, the political climate in the USA sucks period. If people are going to try to push Donald Trump for President again in 2024, then America will be headed toward a autocratic governement and in the end it’s demise and fall to being a third world country. Why anyone who is American would vote for Donald J. Trump is beyond me! He failed at everything he touched or attempted to do, and in the end he was Impeached Twice and incited an insurrection in America that no one needed. It would be Anti-American, to even think of voting for him.

That brings me to the murders of women in America and the attacks by these men on them. Violnce it seems is an integrel part of America these days. Domestic Violence is wrong period no matter which sex is doing it, and the majority is the male of our species who lose control in anger. It needs to be ceased and people need to gather themselves and protect themselves. The Gabby Petitino, case is only one example folks, she was 20 years old and now strangled to death! So young and so sad in my mind for innocent she may not have been totally, but no one deserves to be strangled to death.

Where is Brian Laundrie, well, I have my opinion of course and it involves his parents in one way only. Did they give him a head start, so he can stay free and hide? Maybe? We don’t know for sure. There has been some thoughts of him being in Mexico, others say the Bermudas, and some say he is in Florida still. Fact is in my opinion first off, if he is innocent why run and hide? Second, how long will he live with himself if he did strangle her, before it gets to him? Thirdly, my opinion is he may be dead, sucide actually in guilt over killing Gabby. Which is true I don’t know, but, to strangle someone is a personal type attack and you have to see the person die as you do so. It must affect him in someway for sure mentally and emotionally. Time shall tell of course. I hope they find him alive, but I have my doubts they will.

Lately, I have listened to many opinions on relationships between couples and friends. I don’t agree with all of them of course because I come from the old school of relationships, men and women so to say. I am old school and beleive a man’s place is to take care of his wife if he marries her. I am not physically violent nor do I believe in mental torture in any relationship. If you dont get along with someone get away from them, let them be. Don’t hit people, don’t yell and shout and torture them or stalk them, leave. The world is full of different types of people, move on period. Or stay alone if you are happier that way. Don’t get physical, don’t mentally torture anyone, seriously, don’t due to others, that which you should not do to thyself or want done to yourself.

Each of us do relationships different, we each have our wants, our needs, our desires and our dreams. We reach for them, and we want to share them with others. Sometimes it doesn’t work out that way for people, period. Listen folks, if your relationship is not what you seek and your not getting what you believe you think you should from it, they make laws and divorce proceedings just for that purpose. Get away legally, not violent, please!

Let me say this for all who read my blogs, or may read them. I believe I will be ok, but time will tell, especially since my wife died in August of 2021. I struggle with it, went into depression over it all and got help from many sources, thank god. I will always miss my wife for she was very close to me and I to her, the loss is rough on me emotionally and mentally. I find myself sometimes, wishing she were here to answer my questions, or for advice and she is no longer here. I think all who lose their spouse go through the same things I am experiencing, right now. I go through moments of calling her name or looking for her, but she is no longer here. It happens, believe me folks. As life goes on, I will slowly realize, she is not here and it will change, I am sure.

I personally know, I did all I could for my wife and have done all I can, now that she is passed and laid to rest. Some have tried to guilt me into doing things, by saying she wouldn’t want it, the way I am doing it, that is false and has no effect on me at all. I have no guilt over my wife’s death or anything I have done since it. I did all I could for her when she was alive, and as she died too, there was nothing else I could do, she deserved it done correctly and politely. I did all of it,that way. I will always honor my wife’s wishes and always have, once i am done doing so, I have a life I am still living and will live on. God Bless my Wife!

October keeps rolling along now, as the leaves change and the air chills a bit. Each day is a smiw beggining, yet it comes and goes by at a reasonable speed these days. Being 65, the body aches at times from the cold and artritis of course, yet, I keep going. Progress is being made for me in selling items from the house and the house will go as soon as I clean it all out I hope. I have no reason to keep such a large home by myself.

I get up each day and I wonder what will happen for me. I am alone basically with my wife now passed away and I don’t have her to bounce thoughts off of or discuss things with. I miss that and her presence of course, even though in her final year or so she wasn’t all there. In a way the good lord, saw to it that her passing would be slow and eventual overtime, I think it gave me time to internally deal with it some. Time will tell for sure.

The world does not stop for anything it seems, even though we tend to think so at times, because we miss that person. In the end the world goes on and we do too and we must deal with the emotions, the losses and the time on our own terms as we go along. Some may believe i am cruel or too uncaring, but I am not, I will always have the memories of my wife with me. I am just a realist folks, someone who knows that no matter what I must go on and I can not bring her back.

That said, the world continues to go around and we it’s population that are here, must go on. Politics happen daily and those we sent to Washington, still debate the raising the debt ceiling, how to fix health care and more. The problem with that is, they are taking too long and prices rise in the country and drive the poorer into desperation soon enough. If we want action on the economy, healthcare, infrastruture, or covid in anyway we the people must make it happen, by pressuring our politicians we elected to office to do, it all. If we don’t call them, text them, write them or protest them in someway they will not react, so do something folks, get their damn attention.

The chasing down of criminals or wanted individuals in America seems to takea while due to our justice system and the way it is set up. For instance this Gabby Pitanio case, where the young girl was strangled to death and her so called fiance is now missing and on the run. The Laundry guy is running obvisously, and has disappeared and his parents pointed the poilice to the florida area they are searching, do authorities really believe they are telling the truth, or are they misdirecting them on purpose? It is a question that needs to be considered by the authorities involved.

We seem to go through obstacles to get people to justice, and that needs to be cleaned up in someway. People get a headstart on legal authorities, because of the delays that are in the system and the time it take sto process legal matters. But, it is not something I know a way around either. I only hope it all works eventually as I am sure Gabby’s family does too.

The world is going on in all ways no matter what it seems. The problems that occured do not stop it from spinning. Yet, we have a climate and enviromental problem that is beyond compare in the world’s history. The Oxygen supply is lessening on earth, which means at some point unless action is taken we will run out of oxygen and the world will be lifeless, like, Mars. The nearest planet out there is Mars, and in the end it is a dead planet and we are headed to that state ourselves here on Earth. Unless we react and plants trees and create more oxygen and help to heal the atmospheric protection of our planet, the outlook can be bleak for all humankind. Where else can we go, all would take too long for us to reach. That question is next for us to answer as we go forward.

My search for my own future still continues also. So, time will tell where i end up and what happens for me next. All is in flux now as I go along trying to complete what is needed, to survive. A new place to live and more will be needed, all takes time. I can only hope to find a peasceful life for my days on earth, I have left.

In life, as we age, we find socializing the way to go and we meet others and make it work. We make friends, we get lovers, we get spouses and we end up making relationships work because we learn to compromise. if one does not compromise one does not make friends, find lovers or stay in relationships, no one wants a one sided relationship.

In my life, I have friends, and relatives and I had a spouse for 28 years straight and my first one for 12 years too. I have found in my life it is the women who have been the most important to me. My Mother was tough and a good woman who raised five kids. My sister who I love dearly and am close to, did the same with her kids too, raising them the best she could. My deceased wife was the same, and loyal and loving to me as I was to her and we always compromised in one way or another. It is what relationships are about folks, believe me.

Each of us at some point needs another person we love, rerspect and care about, and do things for that we would not do for, just anybody. Out of love and respect and caring we bend, we compromise, we give in and we learn to get along. It is what life is about, is it not?

Growing up includes learning to compromise, learning not everything goes your way and dealing with it all, doesn’t it? We compromise and accept what we get, it is a part of life. The point is, we can’t always get what we want, but we try so hard, we get what we need, like the old song said. It’s important that people remember, compromise makes the world turn, for those who don’t compromise at all, are the ones who lose folks! Compromising is what the world is about and all do it, we just dont rrealize it or some refuse to, is all.

As life goes on for me, I have no idea what is in store for me next. I go one day at a time since my wife’s death on August 10th, 2021. I have tried to compromise with others thru it all and keep her wishes for her and I believe I have achieve that. She has been gone now over 60 days, and I did as she asked me to, before she died, kept it simple. I could do no less, folks.

As I go forward each day is a new one and nothing is easy to do without her. Yet, I know I have to keep going for I am here and she is now passed. I am looking at the future now and hoping to survive and have a decent life to live in my own future. I think after serving my country for 16 years, being a husband and father and grandfather for over 40 years, it is time I try to live my own life. 12 years in my first marriage, 16 years service and 28 years with my second wife, 2 daughters and a step-daughter, 6 grandkids of all ages and in the end I have done all I can. I was not perfect, no man or woman is, but I know damn well I never intentionally harmed anyone and never would.

The time has come to say ok, my time is here. I need to clean out my house, sell all I can, and find a place I can live and find some peace and contentment for myself, in my elderly years. One day when I am gone, some will realize, I did all I could, given the facts and time ranges. I spent 16 years in the service serving my country, I spent 40 in marriage, and 28 with my second wife, which included fighting her cancer and my own for 16 long years. I was lucky and survived my own cancer in 2013, my wife did not survive hers in the end. I wish I could have done something to save her, but, I could not.

My life has always been filled with women in one manner or another, whether it was my mother, my wives, my daughters and step-daughter or my granddaughters and their brothers. It has been a full life, believe me folks. Now all I want is some peace, a place to settle in, enjoy myself some, be comforatble and content, until, my time comes and I join, my second wife again. I hope God will allow me to at least have that for a while before my time comes. Time shall tell, I am sure.

As today it is cloudy and overcast and it is now 7;13 am, on October 12th. I awoke a short time ago, and my day begins with coffee as usual. Each day is in one way or another a blessing for I am stillalive and bale to do things and laugh and cry. I have my own wishes of course, that I know can’t come true. Like everyone else, we live with what is put in front of us don’t we.

Each day is a mystery and when you open your eyes, you know your alive. In the past I always thought I would never live past 40 years old, because of my lifestyle and all I got into at a young age, yet I am still here at 65. It amazes me at times, and I wonder to myself why that is so, but, I can wonder all day and night, in the end that answer is not mine to know. I also have always said we are all put on this planet for reasons we will never know and when we complete the task we were put here for we get recalled by our maker/ Lord.

Anyway onwards and upwards for now. Last night I watched the Red Sox, close out the Tampa Bay Rays, in Fenway Park in Boston to move on in the playoffs. It was an exciting and great game for the second night in a row. The Rays were favored in the series with the Red Sox and the Red Sox beat them anyway, it was fun to watch. I have always been a Red Sox fan all my life, before me my dad who raised me was too. he never got to see them win a World Series, but I did now many times and I wish he could have. In life there are few things that make me smile these days, the Red Sox winning did.

OK, politics is always raising it’s ugly head in America and all of this debating over raising the budget ceiling and the insurrection on Jan. 6th, 2021 will not change until we the people make it change. All Politicians in Washington, whether it is the Senate or the House need to be reminded that we vote them in and pay for them to be there, to do our bidding, not their own. Pass a damn budget, raise the debt ceiling as needed, pay the bills and lets get life going, again. Do something about inflation and rising prices too damn it. Oil is going sky high again and so are gas prices. Food costs rise and we the people suffer for it all as the rich get richer and we get poorer, wake up!

Politicians in Washington and across America get paid to do a job for you and for me, yet they are not doing it all. If they were food prices wouldn’t be rising, gas prices wouldn’t be either. Listen, I know the trucking industry has problems, the airlines have problems and suppliers have problems of all kinds, so do the people. Subsidize and support the truckers, the same with farmers and help the airlines out too. Look I know Uncle Sam can’t be responisible for everything, but it can help and give loans and assistance to these industries and make them work better. Not Government regulations, but help.

Lets discuss something else too today. The oxygen content and amount on planet earth is decreasing at a higher rate than ever before. Trees need planting, forest need rebuilt and we need to find out why the earth is losing oxygen at the rate it is and slow it down fast. If it continues we could very well be the next dead species and dead planet in the line of dead planets in the future. Mars is vacant and distant yes and it is devoid of life, the earth could very well end up the same next, unless we the only intelligent species on it, start to do things differently. Plant trees, stop pollution, if we don’t folks, your grandchildren and mine or theirs could have no planet to live on.

Enviromental protection must be used, as well as pollution laws enforced. Our environmment is being destroyed by us, yes human kind is killing itself and our planet! We scurry around the planet doing what we need to make money and survived, rushing to and fro, burning gas and putting fumes into the air, then we lite up factories and more, dumping fumes and chemicals into our own atmosphere. It is breaking down folks and in the end it will break up and we will be on an airless, oxygen depleted planet and not able to survive as human kind. We don’t have another planet to go to folks, not one that will support human life. Wake up, preserve what we have and where we are first, as we search the skies and heavens above for an alternative planet to live on. Otherwise mankind will go extinct, like the dinosaurs before us.

A few comments and I am done for today for this blog. 1) People tend to judge others and they should not, without knowing all the facts. 2) Don’t assume anything, if you do as they said in the Navy, Asume makes an ass out of you and me. 3) What you see and hear from someone is not always the truth, it is colored by their wants, needs and perceptions, not by the facts. I know this because I have seen it happen. 4) For some who think they know the facts, they may be surprised by the truths and shocked.

Recently, I lost my wife to cancer, and I do miss her dearly and I will always love her and keep the good memories, as I go forward. I know in my heart and in my mind and soul I did all I could for her in her battle against cancer, right till she lost the battle. I have done all I can to honor her wishes in all ways, now that she is gone and I will do right, by her memory, always.