Changes happen and soon it seems. Today is a big day for me, there should be a closing of the house in Connecticut, later today. Once that closes, then tomorrow will be the buying phase for my condo. In between it is waiting and calling places for what I need for the condo once it closes, Lowes and Furniture Stores to schedule deliveries. Listing phone calls and bills to pay and what will be needed is not easy. I had a wife with me last time who took care of most of it. This time it will be downsizing, by me because she passed and I am alone now. So, many things are being given away or sold,, I have no place for them. It is one day at a time these days as I have said now for a long time.

I have held on now, since my wife’s passing last August, only by sheer will so far. What will happen once all is done, is a mystery to me, because I will be in a new place, and a new lifestyle. I have not been alone in a place of my own in over 28 years now. It will be a process of setting up what bills to pay and when then setting up my new home and finding things to keep me busy when I finish all the moving and more. I hope I am doing the right thing, in buying myself a condo and all goes as planned. If it does I should be set up within a week at best with all I need.

I have tried to not think of my wife’s passing, as much as I used to, but it never leaves my mind or heart that she is gone. I think of her each morning when I wake up, I miss saying good morning to her, having coffee with her, and planning our day. I even miss taking her to her Doctors and more. The first thing in my mind when my eyes pop open is my deceased wife and a silent prayer for her safety and peace. I pray each day she is resting and well and in no more pain. 16 years she fought her cancer and I helped her, and now she is at rest I pray and her soul is safe.

As to my health well, my body aches daily and I have yet to move into my condo or finish securing it yet. That will be next and starting very shortly, I hope between today, the house sale and funds transfers and then tomorrow the condo closing. Then set up deliveries of what I need to live, a refrigerator, my bedroom furniture, and my living room furniture.

Once I have a bedroom, a place to sleep, I can start moving all my personal belongings to take with me. Then start putting things away in my condo, and setting it all up as needed. The last thing will probably be the television and Verizon. Then, paying off all bills from Connecticut and setting up auto-pay on the condo, like I did my car each month. Then it is stocking the condo with food and setting up my little office in it too, by going to get a desk at Staples. Connecting Internet and television. Until all is on Verizon, I have my phone. Each step will be done as needed as I go along.

The question that remains is this, will I be able to handle living alone once more? I don’t know for sure, but, I have to try. I am entering a 55 plus community, so I hope I will be comfortable and able to do it all myself. Time shall tell for sure. If nothing else, I hope I shall meet new people and find things to do there. Shopping is not far away either as I have seen so far. The Community is set up for people who are elderly like me. I only pray, all goes well and it ends with me doing well for myself, in all ways.

If the Lord wants it this way, then so be it I say. I only hope I can find my way to doing it well and to finding a way to get through it all. Wish me, Luck, folks!

A long time ago, as a child, I was put in an institution by my mother. I was released two years later and brought home. When I went in I made a promise to myself, that nothing like that would happen to me ever again, I kept it. After that, I made a decision I have stuck with now all my life, if I make a promise I will always keep it and I have. If I say I will do something I do it, and that’s it. If I say to you don’t do this, or that, and it is attached to a promise, you better be listening, because I will pull back on what I promised to do too. I have no hesitation in doing so, I made the promise for a reason and nothing will change how I feel about it.

Promises I have kept have been many, some of which I can describe here and some, I can not. I promised my first wife the day I married her, I would grant her a divorce if she asked for one, without complications. I did so 12 years later when she asked me to. I promised to pay for my part of my mother and my dad’s burial also I did so, in full and in cash. I promised my second wife to follow her instructions when she was dying of no presentations, shows, or fancy stuff for her burial, I gave her exactly what she wanted a graveside burial and a headstone. I promised I would join her when I die, and the headstone has my name and birthdate on it too. So, I keep promises when I make them, no matter the cost of doing so. Recently such a promise to a loved one of mine, and I told her if something happens, she will lose out, and I promised her twice. I hope she knows what she is doing now because I don’t have to be at her home to know she did it. I will find out. I always do. Sadly, some do not take me seriously when I do say these things, and in the end, they forget. I am like an elephant when it comes to remembering details of what I say or do, or things that are important in my life, I have memories of my childhood at five years old.

My life is built on promises I made to others actually. To my mother and my Step-father, to my father, and my wives. All I made promises to each of them, I kept just, as I stated them. I made a promise in fifth grade when I was a child, to a Principle too, that if she put me in fifth grade I would pass with flying colors because I had failed originally and was supposed to stay back. I refused and did as I promised. I promised my mother I would continue to learn and grow, I did just that in my life by going back to college at 40 years old and graduating in three honor societies with three awards handed to me. So it may take time for some promises to come to fruition from me, but they do come true if I can control them.

Some say they create their own legacy, some say, some of us don’t. I know for me I haven’t really tried to, yet I may have in some way.

Will my legacy be the friendships of my younger years? Will it be the days of my military life? Will it be my children from my first wife or will it be the love I shared with my second wife? Will it be, the stories I wrote, all short and not one hundred percent done correctly, will it be my poetry? I know not which or how my legacy will live or if it will, yet I know I did all I can so far. I gave all I could as a child, I did the same as a teenager too. My adulthood started early, but the choices I can say were few. I made the ones I could and tried to drive straight through, to an honest open life, no matter what anyone would do. I think I accomplished it in my own way, I may never know, but some will after my dying day.

Some want fame and money, some want power, some try to buy love and respect, and some have no idea what life is, as of yet. For me, each day is just getting by, these days. Just waking up is a treat, one sometimes, I wish did not repeat. These days I wake up in pain and discomfort, from injuries and illnesses, few even know I have. I get up early and find myself alone in a world, of pain and misery even on tv and radio it seems. I can’t change political climates or stop wars, I can’t stop murders and thieving, or scamming and cheating. Crime will rise and people will die, and one day I shall too. I understand how it works and why, and I get it, folks, we are put here on earth to accomplish certain things in life, what they are I know not, nor do you, we are not intended to know, we just must see it all through. And as I have found out now, by seeing so many pass, from this life before me, we have no choice when we come or go, we get recalled by the Lord is all I know.

I gave advice to others and it worked, and at no time did I intentionally hurt anyone I know in my life. My decisions were all based on the best options for all involved, not always in my favor either. I made decisions based on what was best for those around me and to keep others safe and sound always. I never stopped to go, what was best for me, I just did it all, and that is destiny. I survived it this long and I am sure I have a little longer to go on. How long will depend on how the final chapter of my life begins and ends next. I am old now, my body aches, but my mind is still with me for now.

Legacies, are nice to leave behind, so is money you earned for others you know. I may not have either by the time I pass, but at least they will have memories of me that last. They will know, I cared, I shared, I tried to help. They will know I was here after I go. There is no more to say is there, except one thing, once I am gone, I just want one person to smile, and have a fond memory of who I am and was. I want one person to be able to go, he was a decent person and man. That’s all I ask my friend.

The Darkness

William M/ McCurrach

March 19th, 2022

Darkness falls,

Even when the sun shines bright,

I know it is daytime and not really night.

The darkness that falls is not in reality,

It falls inside my mind, inside of me.

The will to carry on each day disappears sometimes,

I have to stop and will it back, into my mind.

Darkness comes when it is least expected,

Like a mountain, it grows and is erected,

Fighting it and climbing it is not easy,

Yet I must continue on, and on,

For as long as I can.

Even if I know, I am a depressed man.

Depression they say is normal for someone who lost a loved one,

The battle must continue, the fight must go on they say.

So I work at it, day after day.

That’s the danger of the darkness I know it is so.

March 19th, 2022, each day passes slowly and it is agonizingly so for me. I miss my wife and I know I have been told many times, she passed let her rest and I do. That doesn’t mean my heart and soul are not with her. They are folks and will be forevermore, I guarantee that.

I am now another day closer to selling the house in Connecticut and buying the condo in Massachusetts here. I am also another day closer to my end I am sure, at least I feel it each day when my eyes awake and my back aches and my left side is numb. I need my CPAP machine to sleep each night, due to my sleep apnea, I suffer from. Bad enough, when you have to sleep with a mask and hose set up on, but add my back problems and well you get the idea.

As life goes, I try to go day by day as I wake up, plan some form of attack on what I must do, and then carry on the best I can. Each day seems harder and harder for me, to keep my will alive and to have something to look forward to. While buying a condo and new furniture and getting it all together at some point here is nice, and having my own place will be nice, the loneliness will get me I am sure. Privacy for all of us as humans is vital I know, we all love it, yet, when you live it by yourself, it is hard to figure out what to do next. I am old now, 66 years old is no spring chicken in today’s world, I have no idea when I shall pass, but I am thinking once alone, it won’t be too much longer.

We live life with others, and we interact because that is how it goes for all human beings. It’s the social aspect of life that keeps us going, when you hit the age I am at you really don’t want to go to taverns, bars, or clubs anymore. Why, because your body aches, your mind can’t take crowds anymore, you begin to reject crowds, loud music, and more.

I will still have to go shopping and get out to find things to do, but, drinking is not one of them I am sure, I have never been a drinker. I have a problem with large crowds, I just feel uncomfortable among many people. So, I will probably end up in my condo most of the time, going to the community center some, and hoping to find people there. I may walk the trails around the lake where I am going too. Yet I know I am not a very social person at my age anymore, I can only hope to find and meet new people in my own age bracket in this 55 plus community. If I don’t, well, I don’t believe I shall last long for this life. I know myself very well, isolation, loneliness, will take me out, especially since my wife’s passing. If I die my life insurance is paid for and my living trust is intact and made out.

I spent my life, trying to help others, and I spent my time with those I loved or friended and who friended me. I tried to connect and make life work, by being there when needed by others. It is what I have done since I was a kid. I explained to someone the other day, I have friends out there i have known for over 50 years, who know me. It is not like I throw friendships away, time and circumstances make me move away, but other than that I still have the same friends, some of them from when I was fourteen years old. Yet, when you are married for 28 years to someone and the last 16 years were fighting her cancer, your friendships go by the way. You concentrate on the partner you love and caring for them, it is what I did.

The part of life we can not control is how long we live and when we die. The Good Lord controls that I say. He puts us in the world and then he decides when we are recalled or have expired our time on the planet. I have always had a belief, since I was young, that, God Creates us and he determines how long we live, and what we must do in life. I believe we do not know why we are on this planet, or what exactly we are to do, God does that for us. Each of us I believe, were born, to complete certain missions in our lives, when we complete them the Good Lord says ok, time to come home. That mission could be to write a book, a poem, help others in some way. It could be almost anything, and we never know what it may be. The unknown is just that unknown for a reason. For the Good Lord’s actions and reasons are just that unknown to all of us. One day, you are here the next you are gone, and it’s just a fact.

For me at 66 years old, I feel the pain in my bones each day and night, I awake in pain daily now, my back and spine messed up. gravity these days affect me, I can feel it pressing me downwards. Mentally I hold my own and sometimes I speed ahead of others, or get confused. But, I can’t change my way of thinking or how my brain works. It’s just there and a part of me.

Emotionally, I was always a stable person, able to emotionally handle anything and willing to stand tall to help others. These days, that is not true anymore, I get emotional and cry over my wife’s passing last August and at times I get emotional when I realize I can’t handle all I used to anymore. As we age we tend to lose full functions and our abilities do disintegrate some. We are not as quick mentally, or able to remember everything as well as before.

I know I am facing my ending soon enough, and I am no fool. I have imposed on my sister and her man now for a long time and it is time to move on as soon as I close, on my condo. I shall do so, and move into a new home. Once I do I will have busy work setting it up to do of course and more for a while. But once it is done, I have no idea what I will do next or how it will go. I just know, I have to do it and get it done as soon as I can, to make life easier on my sister and her man too.

Will I survive it all and still be able to carry on and live for a while, I do not know. I do know I must do so alone once I move and hope is all I have. Onward I must go, and time shall tell me how soon, I get recalled by the Good Lord and what is in store for me next.

For every person out there, there is always a good side that they show publicly to all around them. They smile, they laugh, they talk, and in the end, we all go home and have to be with ourselves at some point. The show we perform daily for public purposes then comes to an end, when our workday is done or business day. We leave the public place and enter our vehicles, and go home where we must live with ourselves. So, in the end, when you lay your head down on a pillow and go to sleep, you have to be at peace, enough to sleep till the next day.

How does one get to peace? How does one feel safe, content, and that they are satisfied, enough they can sleep well each night? The simple answer is never going to sleep angry or upset with someone else you care about. Work it out, so in the end, there is peace between all parties in your life, talk, compromise, and settle. I spent 28 years married to a woman I still love dearly, now, 7 months after she passed from cancer, and we had one rule, never go to bed angry. It worked!

People tend to hide their bad sides when they want to get something or someone to do what they want to be done. OK, I will give you flowers and I will buy you candy, or a car or a house and we can live happily ever after, right? Wrong! Material items don’t work folks, they don’t make relationships work or last. Behaviors do, attention to the other you love does, interaction, communication, loyalty, and building trust works. You can’t get in a relationship, take it for granted, and get away with it, it will come to bite you in the ass at some point and end said relationship for you. There are some basic rules about all relationships, whether they are romantic or not, that need to be understood by many.

The first rule, dating is dating folks, until you both agree to a one-on-one relationship. The second rule, once you are in a committed relationship, is make sure you are all in. Otherwise, it means you decide, both parties to be the only one, the other sees. Commitment is vital. The third rule, compromises, learn that any relationship is a give and take, be prepared to compromise and meet in the middle. If you don’t, the relationship will not work. Fourth, and vital, remember that trust is built day by day, and to get it you have to give it, if you don’t, well, trust will never be there and it won’t work out. Respect for the other person is vital. To get respect, you must give respect.

Now here is a fact few couples remember, your partner you are in a relationship with comes first always. You can’t just do you please, won’t work folks. This circles back to open communication skills, compromise, and trust building. Especially if you are living with someone or married to them in a committed relationship. Humans tend to wonder when one half disappears doing their own thing, and it can cause the big green eye of jealousy to arise. It can also cause doubts, fears, and anxieties, so be careful. Look I am not a relationship expert yet, even I know, undue separation, ignoring your partner for your friends, or disappearing for long periods of time ends relationships. Ask any divorced couple about that one folks, and you will see I am correct.

I had two long-term relationships in my life. The first lasted 12 years, and ended not by my fault, but by the other half, hiding her past and it rising from that ashes. The second was 28 years and ended only because she passed from cancer. There were no secrets on my part, there were no real problems on my part, the truth is, I am not perfect and made my mistakes we all do, but, if I were so bad, my track record says I am not. 12 years and 28 years is a decent run for any relationship or marriage, I believe and many would give their eye teeth to have them. The main reason for them working compromise, and open communication and the one vital thing in all, is listening. Relationships are only hard if you refuse to compromise, listen and communicate openly.

The last item when dealing with relationships, you can’t perform publically in one way and then in private be totally different. You will get caught, and it will blow up on you. Phonies get caught sooner or later, be yourself at all times. This is why con men and women get caught, the act can only be held up for so long before the real person that is you, comes through. In the end folks, relationships, we all want them, but to maintain them, you have to work at them. Always remember that!

I would have never expected to be alive today at 66 years old after the life I have lived. Yet, I am and it is surprising to me! I have survived plenty in my days, from seizures to high blood pressure, diabetes and sleep apnea, and PTSD. I find it really amazing I didn’t die at 40 years old or earlier, but here I still am.

As much as living goes, I am just here these days, I have no real involvement in anyone else’s life anymore, especially since my wife died last August 10th. Her passing from cancer left a void in my heart, my soul, and my life that is so huge, I don’t think anyone can fill it, even if I was looking for someone to do so. I know many have said, let her rest, move on, and more to me, stop posting about her, yet, the void she left is like a massive crater in my life. I miss her company, companionship, knowledge,, caring and so much more. I was a lucky man to have her when she was alive for the 28 years we were together. I only wish each day, when I open my eyes, for her to be peaceful in the afterlife and well cared for. I still love her to this day and will forevermore.

Now, I must face the future alone and I have been lucky enough to have a sister who is helping me. I know as she does she is doing all she can for me, and I appreciate her in all ways. Each day since my wife died has been one problem after another for me and it seems to still be going that way. Will it end and will I be allowed to live peacefully and get what I want and need, I don’t know yet, but I sure as hell am trying.

Look to all of the people who think life is easy and have it well each day, I travel onward trying to just find a place to spend my final days. I have found a place Iw ant to settle in, yet the climate of our economy is interfering in getting there for sure. People want to move at their own pace and their business’s own pace when families’ homes are at stake these days. Selling one home and trying to buy a new one is driving me crazy in more ways than one. I only hope i can survive it all and get it done soon.

As far as myself, well, I am on an emotional roller coaster like never before in my life since my wife passed. The days of ups and downs are crazy and I fall into depression more than anything now. Many a day now, I find myself feeling lost, alone and scared and I was never scared like I am now in my whole 66 years of my life. I am though now, for I know I will have to go on alone and how long I last will depend on how well I handle myself and find things to do.

The world stops for no one folks, doesn’t matter if you lose someone you love, doesn’t matter if there are wars, doesn’t matter if political fights are happening, not really. What matters and few get it is, what you do with yourself and how your survival instincts click in when needed.

Whatever happens to me as I go forward, I just want people to know, I treated all I knew as well as I could. I tried to protect the women in my life, in all ways I could. I did the job Uncle Sam asked me to do and more. I was married twice, one 12 years, one 28 years. I gave it to my children when I had it, and I gave it to my grandchildren when I did too. I even gave to my dead wives’ grandchildren in my life. Let it be known, that no matter what, no one gave me credit for all I did for others. It’s the way of the world when you give and to give, but do yourself a favor and never hold your breath for a thank you from anyone, and don’t expect it. For you shall never receive it, people just ask you to give more is all. The world is built on greed, it’s built on lust, it’s built on selfishness, it’s built on personal preferences, not on what you do, or say. The world is as more than one person in history has said, a cruel and heartless place! Believe it folks, because each day that goes by it gets meaner, harder, more impersonal as you age. Never forget that! People don’t worry about you as you age, they basically let you be, and then get all emotional after you die. Instead of caring before you pass, when they should so you know they care, they wait until you’re gone to show it. Do yourself a favor folks as you go along, when people don’t like what you say, or treat you indifferent, or complain about something you said or didn’t say, remember one thing, people come and they go, and life is too short for pure petty, childish bullshit!

Tick, Tock

BY: William McCurrach

March 16,2022

Tick, Tock, Tick Tock goes the clock,

Each day goes on, and does not stop,

The sun shall rise and it will set,

Life begins and ends for all,

IT is not like playing ball.

Tick, Tock, Tick Tock,

As we all head to our endings

and our own stop.

Days become nights,

Nights become days,

Just remember to treat all you know fairly and kind,

For, in the end, that is what will make you a fine memory in their mind.

Tick, Tock, Tick Tock, ALL.

An intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional intimacy. Although an intimate relationship is commonly a sexual relationship, it may also be a non-sexual relationship involving family, friends, or acquaintances. 

A Relationship is based on the interaction between two people, they do things together and spend time together and they treat each other with respect. They know what one another is doing, and where they are at most times.

Now, I hate to say this, some believe, in this new world of the woke crowd, that a relationship is not what I am saying above. Some believe because they live in the same house,, and co-pay for it, that makes it a relationship. No, sorry folks, cohabitation is not a relationship. It is cohabitating, in the same residence and sharing the cost only. If you aren’t spending time together, you aren’t at home every night you can be, well, it’s not a relationship.

I understand relationships I lived them, I had two marriages, one 12 years and one 28. Now, if I had dressed up and gone out on my own without either of my wives, at any time, they would have asked what I was doing and would never have put up with it. As my wives put it, if your friends are more important than me, then be with them, don’t expect me to stay here and wait for your return. If in a relationship with someone, in my book, you come home to them, you provide for them, you spend time with them. Old Fashioned maybe, but it is what a relationship is really.

I was raised that a relationship is a one on one with another person you love and respect and pay attention to at all costs. If your, in it you provide for the female and it’s your job to do so as the male half. Now, it may sound sexist or old-fashioned, but, it is how I was raised and taught. I suppose many of today’s couples may see it differently and be a part of this so-called woke movement, and it may be their way this cohabitating, but it isn’t mine. As my dad used to say, you live in my house you live by my rules, I am sure many have heard that growing up. It is like a staple saying from a father to his kids. So, I can’t say it is wrong to cohabitate like some do these days, but I can say I disagree with it. The way I see it with relationships, you are either full in or your actually just dating and living together, period.

By the way, a financial entanglement is not a relationship either. It is co-mingling funds you make, just to pay the bills, you need to meet. That is a monetary agreement is all, unless you have either physical intimacy, or emotional intimacy, and spend time with one another, it is not really a relationship, even if you co-reside. It is just living with one another. I am not saying marriage is the way to go, I am saying that relationships are not, based on money, possessions, or living together, they are based on caring, sharing and, being with one another, They are based on time with one another, listening to one another, open communication with one another. The physical intimacy part is not always a requirement, but the emotional commitment is. Sex drives can die, feelings don’t folks unless you kill them. If that happens then the relationship is not working anymore, when both parties go their separate ways to find fun. When spending time with your friends is more important than spending time with the one you’re in a relationship with, well, let’s just say, like an old friend told me, it’s time to leave the relationship, it doesn’t come first, your friends do.

But again, as I said above, I am not a relationship expert, nor a Doctor, but I did live two long relationships in my life. The only way it works is, paying, attention to the one you are in it with. Spending time with them, being there each day and night

Stats show divorce happens just for the reason of people not spending time together. Look it up, divorce happens for many reasons of course, yet mostly because one side or the other side ultimately looks elsewhere for what they are missing at home. Of course, there are reasons like physical and mental abuse in extreme cases, many know that, but, in the end, stop spending time with the person you are in a relationship with and start spending time with your friends and see what happens. Want proof, look in divorce records. Look at The Beatles even, when John met Yoko, and she drew him away, the Beatles busted up. Lack of time with someone you are in a relationship with causes break-ups and divorce. People want, paid attention to, they want loyality caring, support, dedication. It’s is all what a relationship with a woman is about men. Remember it!

Now, friends are people who come and go, they party with you, drink with you and then go home. Friends don’t, come drink all your booze and never buy their own. Friends care about you as much as you care about them, it’s a two-way street. Everyone likes having friends, to share good times with, but in my case when my friends start interfering with my relationship the relationship wins out, my partner, lover, girlfriend, or wife, whichever it is at the time comes first always, not my friends. Friends shall come and go, and few of us have friends that last over 50 years, I do. So, when I say friends are nice to have, I mean it, but, whoever you are in a relationship with comes first, or you lose them. Call me old-fashioned, call me non-woke crowd, call me whatever, it is, what I believe.

Daylight Savings time has hit today, Spring ahead folks. Ya lose an hour today, but ya gain some sunshine. Each day is a blessing for all of us still alive, so carry-on, and enjoy is what I say.

Well, that said, spring shall come soon enough, it seems and life goes on each day. I have had no real luck since my wife died, everything I try to do is hard to finish, it is a constant waiting, that makes me worry and feel depressed.

Time is marching on and my wife’s passing is now over 7 months behind me, yet, I still think of her and grieve her daily. I know there are many out there who say, I shouldn’t be grieving still, but, unless you have lived a long marriage/ relationship of 28 years or more with someone, don’t tell me that. I know I post blogs and Facebook posts on how much I miss her, and I probably will for a while. I just wish everyone who has a relationship or marriage could have what I had with my wife. It was a partnership, a lover, a confidant, open communication, and caring very few have these days. People seem to not understand when I say I miss her big time and tell me to let her rest in peace, I let her rest, it doesn’t mean I can forget her or all we had together. I never will till I die.

I do not come from nor understand this so-called woke culture at all. What the hell is a woke culture world folks, I have no idea at all. I come from the old-fashioned culture of a man providing and taking care of those he loves. I am not of the culture where a man tells a woman she has to pay certain bills, she has to do certain things and you can go your way and, I, my way, we can party separately, that I am seeing today. I don’t understand it, nor do I believe in it either. I provided in my marriage, I paid all the bills, I provided the food and cars, and more. I never once looked at my wife and said you have to get a job and pay this or that, I made sure it got paid for her and I. Guess the new world is this woke world, but it is not my world at all.

The same is true of the Trump era and his bullshit, he pulled in office in my opinion. He broke more laws as President than any other in American History, was twice Impeached, and failed at everything he tried to do or touched. He failed at his wall, he even failed at selling water and steaks and a false damn college he produced. Sadly, he is still walking free today, when he should be in prison for all he did, inciting a riot and sedition at the capital, why because he lost an election, well the people choose, and Biden won. Period, end of it Trump, now disappear please! Anyone else not feeling that way is fine with me too, just don’t force what you want on me and I am fine.

Onward, next subject, I have been going through depression and as I do I tend to wonder why others do what they do, but, unless it affects me or those, I love I usually say nothing at all. I am 66 years old folks, an disabled, veteran, with six herniated discs, PTSD, Sleep Apeana, and more. I try just to survive each day and carry on the best I can. I can’t deal with people who act like children, hide from things, or run away when faced with things they don’t like. I can’t deal with lies either.

I gave up many years ago on bullshit from others, lies from others, or those who do as they want, no matter how they hurt anyone. I was raised differently I suppose. As I said above I come from the old school when it comes to relationships, I was taught a man provides and spends his time at home with the woman he loves and his children if they have any. SO I really do not understand the new woke culture or world at all. Never would I get up and get dressed and go out on my own without my wife. I am 66 years old so I am set in my ways, but once you are in a relationship isn’t the purpose to spend time with the one you are in it with? That’s my opinion for sure. I have a firm belief in what a woman wants doesn’t matter, your possessions, wallet size, or materials you have, it depends on the respect, you give them, the caring you show them and they want your time too, for it is not what you have that they really want, it’s your time and interaction with them that counts. Am I wrong?

As I see it, most relationships that end in divorce happen just for the reason that the quality of time and quantity of time is not good enough for the woman involved. They lose contact and end up feeling alone, ignored, or abandoned and they look elsewhere for someone to pay attention to them again. Maybe in some people’s eyes what I am saying is wrong, but it is an opinion I have every right to. Want, to prove it true, look through divorce records, that include military families, the longer one is away, the more likely a woman is going to look elsewhere for love and caring. We all have needs, each of us, and unless those needs are answered or supplied and fed, we tend to find them somewhere else.

Let’s see, I spent 12 years in one marriage and had two children, spent 28 years in a second marriage that ended when my wife passed. Now at no time, did I in my 30’s, 40’s, 50’s or, 60’s now, just go out whenever I wished, doing as I pleased, and leaving either of my wife’s home alone, ignored, and on her own. If they didn’t want to go with me, I didn’t go, simple as that. It’s called, compromising and caring in my book, caring enough to know if I did it would end what I had with them. Am I wrong in my opinion, some will say, it is fine to go out without your partner, as long as they say so, but even the women who say this, say in private they don’t like it or approve! I will never understand why any man thinks it is ok, to shower, shave and dress up and put cologne on, and head out to a bar or tavern and do so without the woman he loves if he is in a relationship. Why are you dressing up and going out, if you have what you want at home?

But I am not of the woke culture that is here today either. Generations are different and people run their relationships, their own way, and do their own things. If the woman involved says she is ok with it, do it guys, go ahead, but when she looks at you and says you should stay home more, you better listen. Last I knew, if you go over 7 years in any relationship, your partner and you separate, she gets half of everything. Laws protect the women of the world. Ask any Judge in Divorce Court or civil court, you will see. Unless the laws have changed that is. I don’t believe they have.

Now, personally, I said something about the above situation to someone who repeated it back to her man and embellished it and exaggerated it and it became an issue between us. I just want to say this on that point, others who are friends, have stated the same thing I have and asked the same question also. One is a man, one was a woman, and then me. What was the question, I asked, you may want to know? Why is a man in a relationship who is of long term, and in his 60’s, showering, shaving, putting on cologne and going out to taverns, and hanging out with people half his age and leaving his woman home alone? The answer I got was, he likes singing and he goes once a week only. No, to my knowledge, he goes 2 or three times a week I have witnessed it. Anyway, no matter what or how many times a week it is done, to me it is wrong to go without the woman you’re with. Like I said I am old school, so I don’t get it at all. It is my opinion only, do as you please I say, but when it costs you, don’t get upset. One other thing let it be known I am not the only one who has seen and said something in this case.

I have witnessed many things in my life, some disturb me and some don’t. But, this new woke culture is not right for me, I know that much. I also know, I don’t understand why everything people do is a competition. It’s sad when you can’t just play cards for fun anymore, it has to be cut-throat, lol. It’s a game, no money involved, I never worry if I win or lose, I only play for fun. If I wanted to play cards, for competition I would do so at a casino for money, not in someone’s home. Silly facts in life right. Life will go on, no matter what I do not have long to what is left of my life, I already know that much. My parents passed at 55 and 59 respectfully, and I am now 66. If I die tomorrow it would not matter to me, each day is just existence to me, so it is one day at a time now.

I also know that in order to forgive someone, you must be able to forgive yourself.

Instructions are left where to bury me, how to bury me, and what I wish in writing, God Bless All.

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