2022, is here and I spent the night alone last night trying to figure out how I got this damn cold that is almost killing me constantly. I survive of course afater nights of hacking and coughing away for hours at a time. Wasn’t what I had planned on for sure to start the New Year, but at 65 what more can you do when your a widower.

Well New Year I hope a new outlook on life and I am hoping the house gets sold in Connecticut sometime soon. In the meantime i have to do things i have never had to do before, like pay my own bills and struggle through. Life is going to be getting used to doing it all on mine own again, since my wife passed.

Next I need to adjust to a new State in Massachuetts, that I am living in and keep searching for my own place to live now. I have to bring all my finances to Mass next so it will mean, setting up accounts in a bank up here, then transferring my deposits I get up here and then transfer all my funds.

Then I have set up all new payments for the bills i will have up here and still pay the ones down there till the house is sold. It gets confusing believe me. I just hope i can handle it all on my own. I just want a life of my own, but, I want to not be a burden for anyone, till I die.

Anyway 2022 is now underway I am hoping fora better life and an easier one, but time will tell. Moving to Mass up here will be something I have already started to do, MY only quwation is what do I wish to live in a condo or a mobile home. If I do the condo, it will defintely cost a lot more for the proces up here are not cheap on anything. If I do a Mobile Home then I need to come up with the down payment and get loan for the remainder somewhere.

I know no matter what I do, I will not be able to be as close to my sister as i was in Connecticut, She lives in a beautiful town in a big old house with a swimming pool and more, and has plenty of friends around her. Myself on the other hand really have no one I know up here, that I can rely on, for anything. So living alone will be rough experience and i hope I can handleit emotionally and mentally. I always had my wife for 28 years, now I have no one really, so time shall tell how long I can last alone now in an unfamiliar area.

Well, 2022 I hope will be a better year for me than the last one was. Hopefully once I settle in, I wil be looking for things to do pf course and hopefully be meeting others. I just hope I will be ok.

Anyway, I know I must now get the process fully underway in all areas. I just hope and pray I can do this and live on my own and not burden anyone at all. Time shall tell.

The final day of 2021, has arrived and December 31st is always the largest party date in history in the world. Yes, some things need to be taken into account as we get set to celebrate a New Year coming in.

1. A full investigation must be done properly into coronavirus and where it came from and how to eradacate it completely.
2. We need to stop blaming the sitting President for all the troubles of America’s econonmy, and it’s inflation we suffer from. He didn’t create it folks, but he is trying to control it, wake up.
3. We need a full and unconditional and feirce investigation into all that occurred on January 6th, 2021. We also need to hold accountable not just those who particpated in it, but those who incited it and pointed the way, Trump and his coherts too.
4. As many will see this New Years Eve, there are still too many people unvaccinated in America, and that is bad for a country ridden with a virus that can kill and be spread at a high rate. Those who believe covid is a made up thing are wrong. Period. if the country can’t get on one page regarding a vaccine, then how the hell will we solve anything else?
5. Next lets discuss the current make up of the House and Senate. As we all know, we the people decided to divide it, and in the end we the people screwed up. We the people need to call our Senators, and Representatives and tell them to do some work! This stalemate shit is worthless, as they sit and argue nothing gets done, unless it is absolutely necessary. It’s a sad thing to see, when Republicans and Democrats who are elected to public office now go to work and get paid big time, but prodice not a damn thing for all the people, Compromise must be reached to move the country forward.
6. The unemployment rate is dropping, and that is in and of it self very good for the country as a whole.
7. As we go through the New Year Celebration tonight across the world, how many people will get covid and ultimately die or get severly sick. We dont know for sure but time shall tell us won’t it, because there are too many who won’t believe it till they see it.
8. If Americans have any common sense come the 2022 election cycle, the Representatives and Senators, who participated in the January 6th,2021 Insurection, should all be removed from office in one way or another. In the end they just ignored congressional law and government law and tried to overtun our way of government. We don’t need these people in office.
9. As to affairs of state, regarding Russia and other countries that are trying to expand their borders at the cost of free people, America must show a force of some kind other than words alone. Putin does not understand diplomancy folks, he listens to force.
10. If America wants to be a leader and held in high esteeem, we must say what we mean and prove it by what we do each day.
11. The Southern Border Crisis, must be handled correctly and it must be done soon.The incoming migrants are too many even for our country to withstand. In order for us to survive we must limit the number allowed in and do it soon.
12. I have heard comments left and right, on Kamala Harris’s performace as Vice President. Some are like well people wanted a woman, have no place even in the discussion. Secondly, She is the Vice President not the President, and if she doesnt make any decisions folks, Biden does. Wake up, Harris is in a learning process she knows it and so do we.
13. In the end let me say this to the American People as a whole, who ever invented and came up with this woke movement bullshit can stick it where the sun doesn’t shine, in my opinion. Your whole woke movement is the laughing stock of many intellectuals and educated people and in the end, while you can say what you wish and cause pain and anger, you can’t change people and how they really are.

I survived 2021 even though my wife did not folks, if you or anyone else in America want to do something serious and helpful for mankind in the world, find a cure or solution to cancer, Please!

Also lets eradicate Covid in anyway we can and try to make the world a better place for all to live in! Lets move forward tackle what needs done and in the end do it as one nation united. 2022 is here for all of us very shortly a matter of hours now, let stay positive, lets accomplish some things for all, like Healthcare for all Americans. 2022 should be a hopefull and positive experience for all Americans. Happy 2022 folks, I wish all the best!

Ok I awoke at 3 am today and still I can’t kick this hacking cough I have. It seems like I have had it now at least 5 days as of today. I don’t have a runny nose, or a fevor, just a tickle in my throat that makes me hack. I hate being sick in anyway, especially with the fear I have right now, from a prior case of lung cancer.

What ever it is is settled into my throat area, for that is the only main symprom I have of anything, and of course the cough itself. So, I am thinking it isn’t covid-19, for I have two pfiezer shots and a booster too. I should be protected from Covid-19 at this stage.

Time shall tell for sure, I know, but if I am not getting worse, it should mean it’s a nasty cold holding on to me. I only wish it would break and let go so I can stop hacking like i am periododily.

I do know if I get a fevor or I get diarria or the shakes or something, I will go to a Doctor or Hospital. I am in that category of having other medical problems to watch and to care for too. Hopefully, I will be fine, but who the hell knows for sure, in this day and age with so many covid variants out there in society and so many who refuse to wear masks of any kind.

I have been doing ok otherwise, I still go day by day since my wifre died in Aigust of 2021. I miss her of course, but I am slowly realizing there is no way to bring her back, and that I will never see her again. Each day is a mystery to me, for I know the Good Lord is keeping me on this planet for some reason.

I do home searches daily, online, hoping to find something I can live in comfortably and I can afford. The home in Connecticut is emptied now and in the end it shall sell at some point, I am sure. I may have to lower the selling peice a bit, but hey, it does have to go.

Since all I have is myself to care for I am looking at all options and hoping to find one. I am considering a condo or a mobile/manufacturd home at this point, I figure I need around 1200 sq, ft for room and a parking spot at least. I need a kitchen, a eat in, a living room, a small office, and at least one good sized bedroom. I want a clean, neat place, that I dont have to kill myself in to maintain for myself.

In the meantime, time is marching on now, as we head to the New Year of 2022 soon enough. I am hoping the new year will bring me luck in selling the house and in settling into something new in Massachuttes. All takes a little time I know.

Socially speaking I am still a little awkward and lost and of course shy in ways I never was before. I don’t want to rush into anything right now, but, I have run across some who are really nice women. Yet I know I must pay attention to many factors concerning that part. I am older, then most and being a 65 year old widower is not easy, and I get sometimes get scared and hide in many ways.

My writing still continues at least as far as blogs and poetry goes. I write them down and post them and then I always save some for myself. It’s a process I know how to do, in my own way.

As the covid virus is out there in many variants now, I have a cold myself that is causing me coughing and hacking. So I only go out to go to the stores for food or as absolutely necessary. I want the damn cough to disappear as soon as possible now, I am tired of it. All I have is in my throat it seems, it seems to be a sinsus drain problem right now, that is tickling my throat causing the damn cough.

So, I rest and stay home all I can and hope it shall break soon enough. I am sure I don’t have any other symptoms at this stage,I believe it is some kind of cold not covid, but I am being cautious and careful.

As I am in transition to a new state and a new life, since the passing of my wife, I go slowly and tried to be careful in all I do.

Hopefully 2022 will be better than 2021 has been for me, I lost the whole spring and summer of 2021 to my wife’s cancer and her departure from life. I stayed, I cared for her, I buried her in the end and by the time it was over it was a rough 6 to 7 months of one thing after another. Yet I did it right in my opinion and I will never regret how I did it. I gave my wife a graveside burial she wanted with no fuss or production and I even had the gravestone done and placed.

Now I must start the transition fully from Connecticut to Massachuetts. I am looking more seriously at finding a home as needed, and will have to transfer all my banking here and my funds too, to survive properly.

Means a long process when I am done to make it all official and so I can get to live on my own without being a burden to my sister and her boyfriend here. I have looked at some condos some I believe which are too expensive for me, and others that are not, but small. Then on the other hand it is just me, so doI need a condo, or will a mobile/manufactured home do me? I don’t know as of yet for in each case there is a plus or minus to them. Time shall tell, I just know I am not interested in a regular home where I must cut grass and shovel snow or anything else. At 65 I did enough of that stuff for 28 years of my marriage, it’s now time for me, to just live peacefully.

As 2021 rushes towards it’s closing and 2022 peaks over the horizon, I miss my wife who passed of course, but, in my case I spent 16 years watching her disappear on me, to cancer. Yes , her passing was a shock, yes I saw it coming way before it happened, didn’t make it any easier to accept thats for sure. But, it did make me know, I knew she was departing ahead of time and it cushioned the blow somewhat for me. God Bless her now, for she deserves to rest in peace and I hope God will care for, in all ways and let her rest without pain.

To all who know me, I hope and pray I can go on alone and will try my damnest to do so. How far I , will depend on health conditions, medication and where I live and who I know. So, as what other wodowers and widows now have told me pertains, we go on because we must and we must take it all day by day!. I hope the good Lord blesses me with many new years to come, but I will not hold my breath for anything, I am alive and must do, what I can, while here still. So, to All I know I wish each and everyone a Happy New Year to Come, in 2022, hopefull I shall see you all around.

Reflections on my life happen every year about the same time for me. It is the coming New Year that brings it all to mind. I think most of us in this world do the same thing come New Years Eve or there about. We tend to try to reflect, go over and remember the good things and try to avoid the bad in the future, making our lives, better by adjusting, compromising and ultimately fitting in better to society as a whole.

To reflect on my life I have to go back a long way, after all I am now 65 years old. Yet, in my first nine months of life, I survived a lot, if you stop and think about the 199 seizures I had and my mother worked overtime to save me from. If she had known the answer was just to let me fall on my head she would have let it happen earlier, I believe.

After surviving that kind of start, I did what all kids do, I grew up a lil bit, and learned a lot, although I was never an average or what they call a normal kid at all. I was afflicted with hyper-activity and attention deficiet disorder and still am today. Those two disorders, would lead to a rough childhood until I began to outgrow them in my early teens, 13 to be precise.

I am I guess what you call shy, and I avoided girls until I reached 14 or 15 if I remember it right. And even when I did notice them and felt attracted to them, I never did learn how to flirt. Yet later in life I ended up married twice anyway, never did figure how that happened.

I was the work horse around the home with my step-dad, who between the two of us transformed the home into a living enviroment for all of us. While my elder brother pranced off being a sports hero, my youger brother became a thief and a con man, and well there were two more siblings also, and each has their own way of living of course. Out of five kids in one family, only two of us turned out anywhere near normal.

I served my parents and siblings until I was 18 and joined the service. Then I served the U.S. Army, then The Army National Guard and Then The U.S. Navy, totaled sixteen years of service, till I was injuried in a fall aboard ship.

I served my first wife and my daughters as long as I was allowed to by my first wife, who divorced me without any real reason after 12 years. She knows the divorce was bullshit and so do my daughters now. But, we move on in life, because that is what life is about.

I, then met my second wife at a Single’s Dance and we stayed together for 28 years, during which I provided for her and did all I could to keep her alive with me. I took her thru sixteen years out of the 28, with her cancer and supported her, fed her, cleaned her, and even dressed her. I did all I could to keep her alive and with me. I lost that battle in 2021 in August. Now, I had to figure out how to pay my own bills, how to clean out a big house and how to put it up for sale. My wife handled finances in our marriage until she couldn’t anymore. I also had a bout with ling cancer in 2013 I survived.

Now I did exacly what my wife had told me she wanted before she died, and in the exact way she asked me to, once she passed. I had her cremated and buried, and without any production or show for all to see, It didnt go over well with her daughter or sister but it was how my wife wanted it for sure. I did all I could and paid all the bills, and went thru massive depression because of her passing and had to recover also. In the end I completed all I could for my wife by providing her a GraveStone and getting it placed for her and I in the future.

Today I am 3 days from the New Year of 2022, I am without a wife and now a widower. I have the home up for sale and I am living in a new state, with the only family I am close to in my sister and looking fo a new home for myself. Reflecting back on all of my life, I survived seizures, I survived beatings, verbal and emotional abuse and a military career. I have written poems, small books and blogs left and right also over the past few years. I even overcame being a High School Dropout, and got an Associate’s Degree in Hotel Management, being inducted into two Honor Societies, Aplha Beta Gamma and Phi Theta Beta too. I hold awards for my scholastic achievementsin college too, I graduated with a 3.7 out of 4.0 average. I came a long way for sure in my life.

So as I reflect back on all I have been through and survived up until now, I wonder what the future shall bring for me next. All I really want is peace, a place to live and be comfortable, I can afford, and friends, I can count on, to laugh and talk with. A plesant ending to a life that has had it’s ups and downs and problems, would be nice for me. I have had a long life at 65, even thou I am told 65 is young still, I sometimes disagree. How long can I survive now with my wife passed, I do not know, but I know each day is a new one and I go now day by day. Time shall tell.

Imagine, What Shall Be!

                                              William M. McCurrach

                                                   12/27/2021

            Imagine you were me, and in a place of growing old,

            I wonder why, as you age, life seems to turn each little page.

            We learn as we age, what to do or not to do,

            In the end we know what is right or wrong,

            Yet we know we must go on.

             Now imagine, a room, filled with dim lights,

             Music playing and singers in the night.

             The door opens across the floor,

              In she walks and your lost in her beauty

              Her smile and her style. Forever more.

             You know you have no chance, you know she is beyond your reach,

              No matter what you say or do or how your preach,

              She will forever be beyond your reach.

               Imagine what would happen, as you hear her voice sing,

               Her smile beams across the room, and brightens the gloom.

               Each man sighs and smiles at her, and she sees all of them you see,

               But all I can imagine is ,would she notice me. That I cannot see!

               There is a dream in everyone’s life,

               There has to be you see,

                For in all our lives there shall always be,

                One that gets away or  one you can not reach.

                 Take it as fate, or destiny, 

                 Take it anyway you can from me,

                 There is an old saying out there,

                  What shall be, shall be!

                  In the end, imagining is all I can do,

                  That’s all I can say to you!

                  I learned early and so young

Somethings you just can’t do or get done

                  The reach is too far, the distance too much,

                  So, it remains a dream in one’s imagination.

                  Yes so far, out of touch.

Christmas Night, I went to see Spiderman, No Way Home, with friends. As all know it is now the first movie since, 2019 to pass the One Billion Dollar Box Office.

I am perhaps one of the biggest fans ever of Marvel Charactors and movies made about or from them. I think I have seen just about all of them so far.

The interesting thing with Spiderman No Way Home, is it enters the multiverse, that has always been shown in comic book form. Makes for an opening in the plots and Marvel Universe that has not been opened before. It also brought back many criminals that was in themselves always fun to see.

Though I must say, they made the movie convoluted in many ways and it takes an effort even for a diehard fan of Marvel like myself. We all need escapism and fantasy-action movies to take our mind off covid, a economy that is not great, and in today’s world.

While the reviewers and audience have, given the movie rave reviews, certain parts of it got a little out of hand for many viewers. Why, they decided to make it so convoluted, is beyond my imagination, yet they did. Some of the charactors were well done and use din a proper way especially the villians in it. While Spiderman, the current version in the movie did a good job acting the part out, Toby McGuire being there helped and wa snice to see, the other one not so much in my opinion. The villans were well cast by actors who did them before and played them to the hilt. It was an interesting movie for sure, just not as well done as I thought others have been for Marvel Movies.

The escapism is needed, so Disney and Marvel provided well. I loved The AVengers Movies, and other so I am glad to see even after Stan Lee is gone his characters will live on in movies, forevermore.

I was happy to see that Doctor Strange was back in this one and that he will return for another film in the future. So,if your into Marval Characters and action movies, Spiderman No Way Home make sthe cut asa fun filled adventure fantasy film.

Hello, December 27th, 2021, yes I am still here on earth and my eyes have opened again! For that I am thankful, for it means I have life still left to live. We are now, 5 days from a brand new year beggining and that is a positive for all of us, still here.

As 2021 winds down, I am faced with re-creating my own life without my wife who has passed. I miss her dearly of course and currently I am going thru some ups and downs in this holiday season, for it is the first without her in 28 years. yet, I am determined to survive it all, and find a my way in it alone now.

That said and done it is onward and upwards I must go. Finding a place to live will not be easy, as I await the sale of my home in Connecticut. The wya I see it I must sell it to pay for my next place to live, or end up renting a place if it doesn’t sell. I want to sell it outright as is, and then use that money for what I want in the future for myself.

A condominuim would be perfect for me around 970 SQ. Ft. I need a kitchen, laundry, office, Livingroom, bedroom and bathroom of course and a parking place. I need big enough for comfort, but affordable for me. Clean, neat and complete would be perfect if I can find it.

I have looked in Walpole and in Westborough also. These were brand new condominiums and beautiful to see, in 50 plus communities. I like the idea of a 50 plus community, for there will always be something to do, and people will be around my own age there. I am hoping I can find a decent one i can afford and get for myself. I am even considering Fall River, if it’sa decent neighborhood and price range.

I look at Zillow and Redfin daily here in Massachuttes and try to see some when I can, I look but it is not easy to find what I seek. I have looked at Taunton, Attleboro, Norton, Walpole, Westborough and Raynham too. I watch Zillow and Redfin for what they may have in size and location.

I even look at mobile/manufactured homes on the market too, not because they are cheaper, but, because they are big enough for one man or woman to live in is all. Pre-Approval for a home loan I already have, but it won’t be for a mobile or manufactured one, I would have to apply for a different one. Some Mobile Home Parks are decent in the Bristol County Area here, so I look.

I am looking at being 65, soon to be 66 and wondering where the best place is for me to fit in and be comfortable and content. I hope I will find it soon enough.

As time marches on and I grow older, I tire of people who put others down, or act sarcastic or phoney around me. I can honestly say, I hate bullshit artists and those who havea broom up their rear end and think they are better than everyone else. They aren’t, they still pull their pants down when they have to go just like you and I. LOL.

Well, I must keep looking til I find a place to go and live. So my search wil continue. I don’t wnat a home where i have to do outside maintanence anymore, no more snow blowing, grass cutting or painting the outside of fixing roofs please. I am 65, let the young ones do that work now. That is why I want a condo, so all I do is clean the inside and maintain what is inside. Time will tell as to what I can find and afford.

I am attempting to stay positive, let nothing stop me from moving ahead and find what I need to survive as soon as i can. I hope it wil all fall together soon enough.

Hello to the final six days of 2021! Yes Christmas passed yesterday, and all got what they want or need at least I would hope. Spending time and laughter with family and friends is what life is about you see and the Holidays always make that special for you and for me

As we get ready to close 2021 out, I must stop and think back on it all. It started well in January and by March it went downhill. It was material things but my losing my wife that made my spring, summer and fall go by fast. The things I had to learn to do on my own after it all was not too bad really, but, learning to survive the loss was the worst.

Now I have to look ahead to what is to come, and hope it happens, soon. I hate being a burden to anyone, now I must sell my home and my wife’s old car soon. I need to finda new home, a place of comfort and safety for me, do I need big no, safe yes. So my search has to begin in earnest now.

I really only want a place for me, it must have laundry, private parking, a room for a small office, and a bedroom, living room and kitchen and one bath at least, full of course. Laundry room and machines would be a plus either in it or on premises. I know it sounds like a lot, but most of it is standard if you own or even rent in a decent neighborhood.

I have looked at Condos in a couple of towns, new ones they tend to be expensive if you go new, leaving one with a morgage to pay monthly. I just want comfort, safety and a decent area, and as I am seeing it a 55 plus community would be great for me.

One thing at a time is all I can do day to day now, so I do life, that way now. Now, as to any relationship happening I doubt it will anytime soon. I am not hoping around bars or dating in anyway right now, although I could if I wished. Some will say, the four months and now some odd days since my wife passed is not long enough, but, I remind all who know me and what happened, I have been taking care of a cancer ridden wife for 16 years, not one month or less. As few may know of me, I never learned to flirt, never knew how and still don’t, yet I ended up married twice, had two daughters, figure that one out folks and when you do tell me how it happened, LoL!

Now I am facing the possibility, of living alone again, after 28 years with a partner/wife. So I am also trying to decide if i will get a dog for a pet too. Time shall tell for sure!

I feel kinda out of place mostly in a new state, couples all around me, and trying to feel my way through it all. At times I am lost and I was never great in large crowds, so I kinda back off and hide in plan sight so to say.

As time goes on, I am sure I will come around, but it will take time for me. I have met women I admire and like a lot, but, I also know the phrase age appropiate and beyond my reach. So, I am not a fool, or silly.

Anyway, New Year’s Eve is coming soon, I am not sure what I will do for it. I am thinking maybe just a Tavern, and a few drinks and come home onc ethe New Year comes in, just so I am not alone. I Wish and Hope, all had a Grand Christmas and a Prosperous and Happy New Year!

Christmas Day has arrived for me, it is 6 am here now. The house is quiet, all are asleep except I, as I settle in with a cup of coffee. The party last night held here was dear, people laughing and joking and full of cheer. The voices rang out across this big house, as I grew tired and headed to be like a mouse. Unknown to all as I roamed about, that I was thinking of checking out.

While all had fun and got it done, I hung around you see, then when I was sure no one would notice, I disappeared to my room. For even I know on Christmas Eve, there was no room for depression and gloom. I hid it all and walked away and I awoke this morning for another day. We all had fun, I am sure, for even I spoke to some, I have never before.

There was no dreams of sugar plums and toys, or other girls and boys, there was the blackness that sleep does bring, and that is all I am remembering.

The house is full of Christmas Decorations, it is quiet now and no one around, and of course there is no sound, except my fingers on my keyboard tapping. As I write a Christmas Day Blog.

Christmas is for family and friends, it’s a day that ends as it begins, with laughter and joy, yet it was not the same for me and shall never be. Traditions, was what my Christmas was about with my wife, but she has passed away. So I struggle with new ways to go through it all, and thats all I can tell you today.

The fires are out in the fireplaces and the Christmas lights are now black, soon others shall awake, the lights will come on again, I know. I will act cherry and I will try to be bright, after all it is still Christmas today. I shall carry on ,a smile on my face and work my way through the day. Till it is over, and we head to a New Year, it is all I can do these days.

So to all, on This Christmas Day 2021, I wish a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, I hope it finds you with presents you want, and with the ones you love. For the Christmas Holiday is for all who have friends and loved ones too.

Morning world! It is Christmas Eve morning here where I am now and snow has begun to fall and cover the ground. Yes, the snow wauted till Christmas Eve, morning to come and is slowly covering the ground in a simple white coating making it look new and fresh to see.

Well, As Christmas 2021, is now underway, I hope all got their shopping done way before today. The stores will be full I am sure with last minute shoppers as they abound. The sounds of excitement will be in the air, and people will laugh and cheer, Christmas Carols will be heard everywhere. Christmas is a special time of year for all of us in one way or another. Some belive in it’s religious meaning and attend church, others just believeib it being a time of giving and receiving. But, to all it isa special time to gather with family and dfriends and to be merry each year once again.

Every year I have seen the first snowfall come, where ever I may be, and I see it as a refreshing of the land we live in and the world as a whole. It is like the planet is being washed and changed, to be fresh for the new year that comes. That feeling of newness and freshness that you can’t find in any other way.

Now, as the Holidays begin, I know I must keep moving forward with my life. I have no choice, for I am here and alive still. The memories wll come back to me, of the time I spent with my wife, who poassed, They may make me cry, they may make me sigh, and in the end ask one question, why? As my heart and mind flips through the memories of 28 years with my wife, asa widower I have emotions I must fight. Knowing, there will never be a bringing her back, I must carryon forward, for me.

Is life supposed to be this way, I have no idea on this Christmas Eve day. I just know I am here, and I am alive, so I must carry on to stay alive. Next up is to find a place to live of course. The home in Connecticut is up for sale, and I search in Massachuetts for a new place to live. I want ot buy my own condo if I can, but if I can’t get there, I will rent something, if necessary. All depends on house sale and conditions.

Ok, enough, with emotional stuff! Lets talk being a widower now. Being a widower is no fun for anyone believe me, especially me. I always had my wife with me no matter where I go, now I don’t. Now before anyone attempts to judge me, condemn me or any other damn thing out there, let me say this. My wife and I were married for 28 years together, before she died of cancer. For the last 16 years, we struggled and fought her cancer and my own in the middleof it all. Some want to believe, that my wife’s passing was too fast and sudden, that is a lie. When you live with a dying cancer patient you will know, they don’t go fast or sudden, they go slowly and that is what happened with my wife. Sixteen years I helped her through, prolonging her life each day through. So to those who think her passing was fast or sudden you are wrong!

Now it is four months since I buried my wife, and I now must get on with my life, I need laughter, I need fun, I need companionship and more to carryon. I can’t keep grieving, I can’t keep crying or stumbling over memories bygone. I am still here and alive and i need to live my life as well and happy as I can. I plan on doing just that now, as my Doctor told me, I did all I could for my wife and it is tme to do for me. Time for me to live thebest I can.

These thoughts go through me each day and night and I still survive so I know I am right!

To those I love and those I know, I say Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and a big Ho, Ho, Ho!