Well, May 2022 is well underway now. The weather is getting warmer and it seems people are coming outside some. Covid is still with us folks, so unless you have had it and are vaccinated I would suggest wearing a mask. There are now many strains of the covid virus and no one knows for sure how many there may be. For me I had the vaccine and two booster shots and still got covid in December of last year. While the vaccine will keep the symptoms down for you if you get covid it will not fully prevent you from getting it. I am 66 years old and I have other medical problems, making me capable of getting the virus so I am vaccinated. Now, some don’t believe they can get the virus and believe it to be a hoax, it isn’t, the death numbers from it prove that in and of itself. So please be careful about it all.

Next subject to address for me. Dating sites believe it or not! As a widower who lost his wife last year in August, I have been experimenting and checking out certain dating sites. What I find is because I am a widower, many women frown on me for looking or attempting to find someone, when my wife passed last August. Ladies do me a favor, don’t determine by the date of my wife’s passing whether it has been too short a time for me to be looking, ok. I spent 16 years, taking care of my wife with her cancer and she passed, before I even thought of looking at other women. So, 16 years is a long time for a man to go without being with a woman. So please don’t jump on the wagon and say too soon to me. it isn’t.

I have tried Zoosk, I have tried Ourtime, and others, I keep looking and hoping to find a woman in my new area of Massachusetts where I live. Then I get asked why are you here in Massachusetts? Simple folks I am 66 years old, my wife passed, and the only family I have really is my sister who lives in this state. I wanted to be near someone I love and who is family to me. I hope that makes sense to all. The hardest part of all I have been through is trying to start over in a new state, in a new city/town and not knowing a single person. So I try to reach out by looking at dating sites for the area I am in and hope to find a woman as a friend first, and if it develops into a relationship fine , if not that’s fine too, as long as I can make friends.

Am I going about it wrong, I think not, I now live by myself in a condo thats new and in a decent town, Westborough here. It is quiet yes, and it is hard to get to know people for me, because all are different of course and it will take time.But with hope and looking forward I am trying. I would like to spend my remaining years in comfort and with a woman who likes having a companion, a friend and maybe a lover too. But, I also know women can be reluctant to associate with strangers. So I don’t push anything on anyone I am me, for who else can I be.

I like to write short stories, blogs and poems and I like walking. I am learning a game called pickleball up here and have only played it one full day. I hurt an ankle doing it and I am slowly recovering now from that. I love the game, was just not equipped with the right sneakers when it happened.

I fish and I like to walk the lake here and the malls around too. I play billiards with some here in the condo community and I am slowly watching line dancing lessons and trying to make friends. I hope it is working. I take care of my condo of course and my belongings and try to be me, is all.

I do not interfere in others lives, and I try to just have fun and be social, it is what life is about for us, who are human beings, is it not? Anyway, I go on alone these days, because i know not this town, or this state, so I am trying to find people to meet, places to go to and things to do to entertain myself and to get involved. It is rough when the only person you knew ,so well passes, and you have to start over at 66 years old, so, I ask that people try to consider that as I go forward in my life. I don’t know how long I may live, 66 is no spring chicken that’s for sure, but, I am not ready to depart mother earth by, a far means. So I want to try to enjoy my elder years, as much as I can, and hopefully with someone, time shall tell. In the meantime life goes on and i feel sometimes lost and at other time unsure, but I go one day at a time is all. I hope that makes sense.

I try to stay out of certain things, I am sure others do too. I try to avoid politics and religion, mainly because it only causes fights and arguments. I love sports, and friendly clubs and music. I used to DJ online, but gave that up when my deceased wife got sick years ago. So, these days it is chat rooms online, Xbox games for fun, television and movies in my home, and walking mostly. I do enjoy cooking when I get a chance or am in the mood to do so. Reading I do on and off or build puzzles. I really have no idea what to do in the area being new here.

Life will move on no matter what I do, so I plan to try to enjoy, I try to laugh and make friends and hope I can build a life enough to love my own out in.

Second Life ia huge platform which includes adult areas, such as sexual in nature, D/s and BDSM areas also and more.

Now, while I believe in the BDSM and D/s lifestyles, I do not believe in Ratzu Darkstone or his Cafe O sim or the way he handle it and runs it.

Now I am far from a professional lifestyler and I do not claim to know everything regarding it either. But I do not approve of Ratzu Darkstone an dhis sim of Austin in any nature or his so called program to train people. He fails at many points in his own program and leaves no choices in his sim. He uses the Submissive women in his sim to teach the men to become Masters. That in and of itself is just using the women he has on his sim as members for his own purposes. It is sad thing to see, a so called Master, using these women to increase his membership on his sim.

Ratzo Darkstone acts like a child in his ways and his only reason for having his sim is to populate it with female submissives that report back to him twice to three rimesa day on all they see on his sim. He doesnt run it himself again he uses the women who are submissives to get reports on who is doing what and then he also take recommendations from these women/ submissives and bans who they don’t like in that sim. He claims it is an educational sim, but he steals all he teaches off the internet, and from other people online also. That is not the way a Male Dominant or a Master in the lifestyle should be doing business. He is the Master right, well should he be teaching the lifestyle and guiding the program he runs, yet he doesn’t. A Master should also know no two Masters or Dominants, or no two Submissives will do the lifestyle the same ways, so there will be different opinions and ways of living the lifestyle. The point here is this, he tries to control all on his sim in Second Life.

Anyway, Ratzu Darkstone is a sad example of a Master for he uses each and every submissive on his sim for his own reasons, not theirs.

Yes he builds his sim constantly to attract more men and women into his sims, but in the end he uses every woman who enters his sim in one way or another. He either has sessions and uses them to scene in private or holds his ceremonies in his lil castle he built for that purpose in and of itself. Ratzu Darkstone is a user and abuser of women period in all ways he can do so. The sad thing is Second Life allows him to do so, and that is sad indeed. I have seen how he works and believe me, Ratzu holds no right to claim to be a MAster in the lifestyles, nor should he be teaching anything. All of his workshops, and Lesson plans and assignments he has stolen from others. Common knowledge will tell you no two D/s or BDSM relationships are the same. Nor are an two Masters, or Submissives the same. You can’t be a Master in D/s or BDSM unless you understand that first and foremost. He tries to remake all into what he wants them to be, and when you refuse or argue or say anything about what he is doing and try to tell him he is wrong, he just bans you. That is why he requires voice recognition and to take your IP address, uses them to ban you if you don’t go along with his plan or ways. He is making carbon copies of himself, and well in the end people catch on and leave.

Do yourself a favor if you are into D/s and BDSM, don’t join Ratzu Darkstomes sim! I have seen some prominent Masters and Dominates leave or be banned from Austin, and Cafe O. So if you want to do D/s and BDSM in your own way, have a choice in what you can say or do, Austin and Cafe O Austin is not the sim for you.

Cafe O Austin in Second Life is supposed to be a destination in Second life for the teaching of D/s and BDSM as a site for all walks of life and to make Masters and Submissives of men and women online. In fact it is far from that and is used by it’s Owner to get women to have sex with him. Sadly, some think, the Owner of sad Sim, that lives in Austin, Texas is a big Master of D/s and BDSM and the lifestyle in general. He isn’t, if he was, he would understand that no two Masters are the same, nor are no two submissives. Nor no two Domme’s are the same either. Instead he plays the game his way and in the end all must adhere to his ways and only his ways or you get booted from his sim.

Sadly, Second Life allows him to run his sim his way of course for he pays for two sims at once each year, and continually builds and changes the look. What he cannot do is handle people who do not conform to his style of the lifestyle, nor can he handle people with different opinions than he has on the very subjects he claims to be teaching. Now here is the kicker about his so- called sim, he calls Cafe O Austin, he is not teaching people anything they don’t already know if they are in the lifestyle. He fails miserably, to teach properly and he fails at doing what he calls the lifestyle for he is not the one making the decisions as to who stays in his sim, the women do that, not the sims owner.

He holds discussions on subjects that all who have ever lived the lifestyle already know and then he tells you how to do them his way only on his sim. You are not allowed to voice a different opinion or way of doing BDSM or D/s while in his sim. If you do so, it gets reported back to him and you’re banned. Now he also doesn’t believe in Allowing Dominants to be Dominants in his sim, he cut that out years ago, so you have no choice now, either go full Master or Full Submissive, or leave his sim. That is how he handles his so called ,BDSM / D/S teaching Sim. On top of this, it is not the Masters who teach anything on his sim, it is the Submissives that he uses for this purpose. In the end he is using Submissive women to teach D/s and BDSM to any male who enters his sim, and any female also. The so called Masters, do nothing except come in and hang out and screw around with the submissives that are new, and the ones ,there longer are ignored and lack attention, so they end up alone and wondering what they did wrong.

Now, many have told me in the past, to not talk of this Sim anymore, I laugh at that for my opinion is my own and i have a eight to voice it as I please. We do live in America, where freedom of speech is still one of our basic rights as is freedom of religion. Voicing ones opinion is a basic right in America and it does not matter how much money he pays Second Life for his sims. What all need to understand is this man, controls others that will boot you too from their sims, without explanation also, on his word. It is commonly called a clique folks and it exists in Second Life. Now I don’t hate Second Life or BDSm or D/s at all. I like all of the above, what I don’t like is one man who thinks he is king, controlling women who are submissive in this way and them not catching on that he is using them all the time.

I feel sorry for the women who are tied up in his sim, because they claim they need his protection. They don’t need his protection, and they don’t need to conform to his stupid rules and ways of doing things either. Just because a submissive is a submissive, does not mean they have to do things his way. A submissive has he same rights as a Master. In fact a submissive has more power in any D/s or BDSM relationship then the men who are Masters. For no woman can be used and abused, spanked, cuffed, bearen without saying yes. if you say no ladies/ submissives, no should mean no no matter what. Yet the owner of this sim forces you to teach other males how to use your submissiveness against you. And that is sad to say and hear.

I know where the man lives who runs this sim in Second lIfe also. It is sad the a company like Second LIfe is, is allowing him to continue his practices under the guise of a teaching or educational sim. It isn’t really, it is a sex sim is all, ruled by the owner, period. If Second life and it’s owners, had brains and common sense and logic they would know all that is happening in this sim I speak of and they would monitor it and ultimately figure it all out and shut it down. It is repulsive, that one man is allowed to control so many women for his own pleasure, in this way.

Final thing I will say regarding this Cafe O Austin Sim, if Second life is smart it will send someone in, for both sides of the equation and investigate it themselves, before an angry person, sues them over what happens in said sim. The amount of money Second Life and its parent company can lose is major. I would consider that first and foremost for you didn’t buy Second lIfe as a program/ world to allow such acts to carry on, and the chances of a suit being brough by an angry individual, whether female or male is very high. Never mind the publicity, that can come about for this. But it is not my money or time or efforts that will mean anything, for once a female or male starts this process, I speak of it will be Second life, that loses overall in the end.

I have found in my 66 years of life that different chapters of it close off or change for different reasons. The reasons I have found are simple yet exist for all of us regardless of the sex we are male or female.

Chapters change or periods of our lives change due to things like, moves, distances, lies, and actions others know they should not make but do anyway. Honesty, and open communication is key in each case, unless you move for reasons of your own choice, or you are dishonest or a phoney using someone for some reason of your own and hiding it.

I have seen relationships go up in smoke because of lies, because of cheating, because of lack of communication and most of all because some people get into relationships for the wrong reasons, or they basically lie and are using someone for their own purposes.

I have seen the trophy wife/ girlfriend bit. I have seen the dishonest bit, and the lying bit too. Or the false presentation bit, where the person presents themselves as one thing when they are another and they are found out sooner or later. I have seen people drift apart, not communicate, not have the same likes or needs, and so much more. Sexual incapabilities, or needs come into play also. It seems to me, some people need to find some basics if they ever need to keep a relationship going.

Some basic rules should include the following, 1) Honesty, 2) Trust, 3) Open communication, 4) Loyalty, 5) Self control of ones emotions and temper.. Anger kills, lies kill, distrust and not spending time with the one you are supposed to. When your friends become more important than the one your in the relationship with, it is time to be honest and communicate it and move on from the relationship period.

Women want loyalty, commitment, caring and listening, and open communication, they want honesty. The want to know they are wanted and paid attention to, by the man they are with. If you fail as a man to hold up any of these areas a woman will notice it and the relationship will end if you want it to or not. Some will say I am speaking out my ass, i don’t know what I am saying, but go ask a woman what she seeks most of all, it is companionship, caring, honesty,fidelity, and open communication. A woman will not put up with aman who pushes those she loves away, or her friends and doesn’t accept them. A woman usually is not a bar person, she doesn’t enjoy a tavern or bar unless she is with aman who pays her full attention and a woman likes a respectful place if you take her out. Am I wrong I doubt it, for I have seen too many relationships fail over my lifetime, and these are the failures I have seen that cause it all.

When relationships end, it is usually one partner or the other that fails to keep their side of the bargain so to speak. The one that refuses to compromise or communicate properly loses. What matters most of all is open communication, honesty and mutual respect. What I have seen is one of the three I mention here disappearing and that kills the relationship. If she can’t communicate with her man, a woman shuts down, if you lie to her and she catches you you lose, if you can’t compromise or pay her the attention she needs, no woman stays. Why would they, there are a million men out there, she can run to or be with. Think about it folks, now the same can be said on the other foot too, men feel the same way if they get disrespected, or lied to or ignored. Ignoring the one you are in a relationship with, is the one sign you can bet on, that shows you the relationship is ending. If he or she thinks their friends are more important than you, it is over folks. Get out of the relationship! if they push away your friends and family, it is time to pack your bags folks. Nothing is more important to either sex, then their immediate family members, or old friends they have had, for many years. When you try to isolate someone in this manner you are telling them, you have a reason for doing so they don’t like or want you to know. If they need to isolate you from all, it is time to ask why and move on when they won’t stop it.

Usually, I just advise others in these areas of relationships, and I never have tried t have a relationship since my wife passed last August. Yet I know there things for my forst marriage went 12 years , my second went 28 years. So you may see my point, I learned to compromise, I learned to accept thing and let them go, not just to make her feel better, but to keep the peace because i didn’t want to lose those I loved. Ask anyone in a long term relationship, what keeps them together you will find what I am saying to be correct, honesty, loyalty, open communication, trust, and paying attention to your partner number first or near it all. Financial reasons for staying in a relationship do not work, you can be tied financially to someone, but that is not enough in and of itself. I know I am not Doctor Phil, or a relationship guru of any kind, I am just a man who had long term relationships and made them work, are you? Maybe at some point it is time to sit back and consider the advice given and to realize that what you thought was important, is not, and that what you need to do,is look at the facts and get out, if it is bad.

If you want companionship, and love and caring and your missing something, I would recommend, you reevaluate the relationship, and then move on as needed. There is always someone willing to provide all you need and caring out there, don’t settle and put up with bullshit or head games either, it’s not worth your effort or time. Your better than that, and you owe yourself more than that as a person, period.

Trying to move on after you have lost the one you love is not as easy as some may think it is. I wake up each morning thinking of her and go to sleep not knowing when I may join her. It is like an endless cycle as I try to move on after her passing, so during the day I try to find things to make me forget and have some fun.

I wish to God life could be easier for me, and that I can find someone new to share life with once more, but when you reach 66 like me, you get stuck in certain patterns and ways. That is what happens when you spend 28 years with the same lover, friend, confident. It is just a fact folks, we adapt so well to those we love and care about, taht when you lose them and they pass, you become lost on your own. Moving on after a loss of someone you were married to and loved dearly is not easy, for you look for certain qualities and things they had no one else has, at all each day.

I am beginning to realize, there are somethings you can’t replace and some people too. I have to realize I must let go and move on and hope to find someone else. Memories are good folks and we all have them and we all hang on to them as we move through life. Sometimes it is good, sometimes it is bad to do. i am 66 years old now, and I am realizing at some point, I must start anew and hope I can find a new friend, a new lover and a new confident ,all in one again. It is not easy to do, because you tend to look for the same qualities your passed loved one had, in someone new.

I am beginning to realize, I won’t find someone easy now, the conditions were different and the time has changed and so have the circumstances. So, one has to learn to adjust they say, soI am trying to be more open, look online and in day to day, without pushing or trying too hard. I once told an old friend of mine, stop pushing and trying so hard, just be yourself, have fun and the women will find you. When you push too hard in attempting to find a partner it shows as being forced and you don’t win that way. women sense when you not yourself and they feel the uneasiness and walk away. It worked when i told him that, he found women coming to him then, but the time shave changed and being retired basically, puts me at a disadvantage in finding a new woman in my life.

I am not young like before, my energy is less qand my interests are few these days. Yet I do like to cook, read, play games, even dance. I do like computers and movies and television and wish I had someone to cuddle up to now and then. I guess you can say I am in the fall of life so to say, I don’t need much, just someone I can share life with and go from there. Is that asking for too much? I hope not!

I have a new condo, a new car, new furniture and a lonely life i now live. I walk a lot and explore malls and outdoors, enjoying the fresh air. I may buy a fishing pole and some equipment just to sit on the lake and fish some for fun and to relax. In my younger days it was a favorite of mine to do. I may just go back to it once more. I like building puzzles too, so who knows, but I have to find a way to keep myself busy and entertained.

I left behind the home and sold it once my wife passed and used the money for what I have now. I am in a new State- Massachusetts, in a new area Westborough and trying to find my way around and meet people once more. I am not a bar type really, I am not into standing or sitting around and drinking and getting drunk, sorry. I would rather go eat, see a movie, walk, or play a game or something. The mind they say is a terrible thing to waste, I agree with them.

Anyway a new day has dawned, my eyes have opened once more, I am still alive and kicking so I wil find something to do even if it is just do my laundry, cook or clean my home I live in now. I may go to a book store and have coffee, or walk the mall near me. You may see this old sailor in my hat, just chugging along as I walk, but at least I am trying.

Living for 66 years makes one think of the past a lot and reminisce about what happened and what didn’t. Sometimes you sit back and go I should have done this or that and in the end you realize, how it could have gone differently for you. Yet you also know you can’t change the past or go backwards, it doesn’t work that way.

I have seen many things and done many things in my life, some are decisions I regret and some I will never regret. It is a fact of life we learn to live with as we age and get closer to the end. We stop and wonder what if and when we do, we end up realizing, the decisions we made were for the best of all involved and around me and myself also.

My decisions ,I made that I believe were wrong come to mind when I slow down and have very little else to do. So your mind starts going over decisions in such a way that you have to slap yourself and say stop it and live with all of the decisions you made. Life is based on decisions folks, it is based on the biggest decision always, do I stay or do I go? {eop;e come and go from our lives, because we either screw up the relationships we had, or we are forced or feel it necessary to change and head in a new direction. It happens Ladies and Gentlemen believe me, we all do it and have to face the end results.

Do I regret the key decisions is the real question and that should be the same for all of us. Did we leave school too early, did we miss out on that one person we should have dated or been with, did we lose the big chance relationship in our life? Did we quit the wrong job, make a mistake and lose the job we wanted, did we lose the love of our life, due to our own foolish mistake? So many questions come to mind for me and I am sure for others. I can sit and think them, over forever if I let myself do so, but is it worth the energy, or not? More than likely not, why, because the longer you go over it the worse you feel and the less you can do about it all, and it becomes depressing. So, in the end those decisions must be pushed aside and life must go on.

As we go forward the one good thing about thinking over the past, is we tend to use the past to make decisions in the present, and that helps with our future. never forget the past, never doubt your decisions, and realize you made them for the right reasons at the time you did.

Do I need to forget the past, only those things that hurt me, and then I go forward avoiding the same mistakes. It is what life is about these days, some tell me i am wrong when I tell them things I see happening, and get angry or mad at me. But, late they begin to realize I was right and they didn’t see it, like I did. I live with it when they get angry or mad at me and iIjust go, I tried to tell you. In the end though, I can’t make someone else listen to my advice, I give them from my experiences, so they suffer till the light goes on in their heads and hearts, so to say. You can’t tell people what to do, what to say or how to react to anything they decide on their own and in the end they have to love with their decisions just like I have to with mine. Good Luck folks.

I can’t stop, telling the truth or calling it the way I see it and never will. If it is someone I love and care about I give the advice to, I cringed and back-up when they don’t listen. Then what I told them turns out to be true and they end up living with it. I can’t change that one. anyway, I figured maybe some would understand what I am saying and maybe just draw from it and learn to slow down and make better decisions as you go along.

Good Morning world, how are you? Been a while since i wrote a blog so, I figured give a new one a try.

I moved into a brand new Condo recently and i like the condo and the 55 plus community I am in here in Westborough, Ma. Although I have found it to be boring and people are basically conservative in how they talk to others here, I have noticed. I try to keep busy of course taking long walks around the lake here, and try to stay in touch at the Community Center they have here also. I found Solomon Pond Mall and like to walk it also for fun. Yet, people are busy and quiet and I am of the older crowd by most standards now, I am 66 years old here.

I keep looking for things to do and how to meet others in my age range daily, but it is slow going for sure. I guess I shall check the Senior Center in town soon enough and then the public library too and see what they have as to things to do. I am wondering where people in my age group go in Westborough for things to do, and meet others. I am lonely at times and I guess I miss my wife big time who passed last year. So, as to what to do with myself besides setting up my condo and cleaning it and walking I have no idea, I am new to Westborough and Massachusetts overall, I came in from Connecticut. So, I know no one here, and I know nothing of the area and what to do here. I am always looking for people to meet.

As to the future, it looks like this is it for me herein the condo I am in, I like the place and the style. I like the peace and quiet, but, one can not survive by oneself especially when I was used to always having a wife. I guess time shall tell what happens on that point for me.

I have watched the world news and find it sad. I hate the violence that is happening of course. I served my country, 16 years myself, and I am a disabled veteran here. I am proud of my service time and of the fact I am still kicking at 66. So, I am going one day at a time and trying to survive in peace, but still have fun and meet others.

I am hoping that sooner or later I will meet and make new friends here in a new place. Yes I miss my home in Connecticut, but, I miss my wife also. I sold the house we lived in after her passing, because there is nothing a single man could do with a four bedroom home alone. Too much snow blowing in the winter and, grass cutting in the summer and too much to pay for to heat and to take care of for me. So I sold it and moved north here into Mass, to be nearer to my sister the only relative i really have left these days. Yet, even getting closer, still leaves us a 40-45 minute drive apart in an age where gass is high priced. Life is not the same as it was for me, before and that is expected of course and i understand adjusting to a new place, yet, I am still lonely and hoping is all. Time shall tell, for sure for me, I am hoping for the best.

Well, April of 2022 is here and I am now alone again, in a new location on my own. After 28 years of being with the same woman, and living in a big home I am now in a condominium. The downsizing from a 4500 sq. foot home to a condo of 956 sq ft, wasn’t easy, but, it is done now.

I am sometimes regretful of making the move, even though it is highly logical to do. There was no way I could keep a four bedroom home by myself. The only thing is, in a new state and location as I am now, I know no one around me at all and have no idea what to do, for fun or adventure.

So I watch television and play video games and use my laptop to chat online. It has been one of those things really, hard to understand unless you are living it I guess. I know all move many times in their lives, so the moving is normal, but the hardest thing to do as you age is starting over without the one you loved for so long. Now, I also have to transfer all my medical to the Veteran’s Administration up here in Mass also. So will be appointments and more to go to next. As I await the final part of moving, final deliveries of items I need and bought too. My life is completely different here, and at times extremely lonely also. I am basically a loner actually, but, social interaction is important even to me.

When you reach 66, you begin to feel it and your age starts to show. You slow down, do less and just want peace and quiet it seems. Yet as you do you don’t want to totally isolate yourself or do nothing at all. Keeping active is important to living. I try to participate in events held in the Community Center here just to be around people and have some fun. I walk some if I can if the weather is right and not too cold. As to places to go I have no idea around here, I am sure somewhere there must be events or places for people my age to go to, I just haven’t found any as of yet. The days march on, and the nights come and go and my sleep patterns are messed up. I think of my deceased wife daily, when I wake up and wish she were here with me. Yet, I know the Good Lord took her, so she would suffer no more. Cancer is a nasty disease and it kills without any reprieve for those who have it. I just thank god, I have 28 years with the woman I loved so much.

What do I do next with myself? Well, I need to settle in more where I live in this 55 plus community and set up paying my bills as needed. Certain things need completed for me and I do a little each day it seems. Once all I have bought for my condo gets in place I think it will be setting up a daily routine for myself, next. I will have to set up what to do on a daily basis as to exercise i think, walking and how far. Social events here in The condo community too. Doctor appointments of course will be involved. If iI can find things to do, and people to get along with and make new friends I stand a chance, if not well who knows how long I will last alone, I don’t.

I don’t fear death, or dying really, for as I see it, it is an eternal rest we all will face and it is normal for all of us. If I were to die tomorrow, I doubt anyone would care really, I have lived 66 years now and in the end I have learned we all live our own lives and we all do so differently, why, because no two human beings are the same. Our lives are driven by who we are, nothing more and personal preferences and ideas drive us to how we live it, as well as the experiences we gather along the way. Do I regret any decisions i made in my life that are major for me, no, I did all I could to survive, and to make my life and those around me easier and more comfortable. My biggest fear as I go forward is that I become a burden or bother to others, I don’t want that period. In my case as I see it, I have given to others in service of one kind or another, and I have nothing much left to give now. I can feel my life slowly winding down since my wife passed last August. I can’t change it of course, I can just deal with it daily. As I have said many times before to many people before, one day at a time, one moment at a time is all any of us can do, so I do so, the best way I know how.

So, as I go forward now. I just hope to live a peaceful life and find new friends, hopefully some fun and adventure too. Time shall tell what is really next for me.

March 31st, 2022 has arrived and the third month of 2022 will close at the end of today. For me 2021 and up until now, has been a journey for sure. I spent from last year, March 13th, 2021 till August 10th, 2021 taking care of my wife who passed from cancer. I have dealt wit her passing in the only way I know how by grieving and doing what I had to do to bury her properly, by her wishes on August 20th, 2021. Then, I had to deal with how to get out from under the home we had together and I was very lucky in the fact I had a sister and her man to help me do so. I have thanked them many times over the past 7 months, also for taking me in, while I tried to sell the home and buy a condo here in Massachusetts. It has been a journey and battle to survive it all so far, But the house did finally sell and I did finally close on my condo.

Now I never wanted to be a burden or a bother for my sister and her man, I tried to stay out of their business and mind my own. I thought I did well in doing that, but, it seems not as well as I should have. I have differences in how I view things, then they do of course I am of one generation and they are of another so to say. In the end, no matter what, I thanked them for their support and help numerous times and they did get compensated for my being in their home for so long.

I come from the old school method of relationships, where the man takes care of the bills and his woman and treats her with respect always and spends his time with her. I am not of the woke generation, who do things differently. I am sorry about that, but, as long as my sister is safe and happy, I will be fine with whatever they do.I didn’t ask to be told of the problems in their relationship by my sister, but I always asked the same question why it happens? Sadly, what were meant to be advising conversations between my sister and I due to her complaining, got told by her to her man, and he blew it out of proportion of course and got angry. I tried to resolve it with him, but as my sister says he is german and stubborn and won’t give an inch. So basically my final two weeks in their home, were spent in a dead silence between myself and her man. As I told him, I was working to leave as soon as possible and I left as soon as I had a bed and a place of my own.

I wish the circumstances were different but I can’t change a thing. So I accept it and move on the best I can, as any adult would do. In the end as I have told my sister, I will not return to their home again, not even to visit, she may bring my stuff to me or sell what is left in her garage and home.

As to anything else it will be one day at a time for me, as I learn to live alone once more. One day at a time, one item at a time, one medical problem at a time, or whatever. I can’t push anything I am too old and infirm these days to do so. I suffer from physical ailments like 6 herniated discs in my spine, plus PTSD so, I take it one moment at a time. I have no choice really. I have now outlived my real father, my stepfather, my mother, and now my second wife is the only one who lived longer than I, because I married an older woman. I even have a younger brother who passed many years ago at 30 or so years old. I surprise myself each day I awaken and open my eyes, for I never figured on living past 40 years old. Yet here I am, half the time having a hard time understanding today’s world and even standing up straight. It is a life I hope I have lived well, some will say no to that about me, but, I think I have.

My poems will live on after I am gone, as wil some short stories I did. My children, are grown with children of their own of course and doing ok. I didn’t have much to say about that, my first wife did, it was not my fault, but life went on anyway, didn’t it?

Life is a day by day mystery for all of us, we can only control ourselves, not anyone or anything else. Circumstances we react to, decisions we make are based on what we already know. It is how we decide things we do or say, we base them on what we have been through, and from those experience to handle our day by day actions and reactions to the life we live.

Unlike many before me, and I am sure there are some like me too, I know my time line is running shorter by the day. Some will huff and puff and tell me I will live a long time, they don;t know me, or my conditions well. I survived lung cancer in 2013, I was very lucky then. I fought my deceased wife’s cancer with her for 16 of the 28 years we were together, I served Uncle Sam for 16 straight years too. The wear and tear on my body, my mind and soul is beginning to take it’s toll. I feel it daily, But I am determined to continue on, until I can’t anymore.People want to judge me for things I say, well, one thing about me, I don’t like, liars of all sorts, and I hate people who try to con you, or use you also. I learned a lesson a long time ago from my step-father, lying is dangerous and can be deadly, and to avoid con men and women ,also who can take you. People have a tendency to use you to get what they want, then disappear or dump you. Always remember, to stand on your own and don’t count on anyone.

I have lived, I have loved, I have cried and I have grieved, I have run and i have walked and in the end I always have talked. I write, I try to help others and if I have failed at anything in my life, it may be in the area of communication. For I fail at times to say things properly, or out of context, or I speak truths and it is sometimes not my place to do so. Yet, i know for myself, I know no other way to be me. As I have said before to many in my life as I grow older, I am me, I know not anyone else to be, or any other way to be, I am just me !. Accept me as I am, or leave me be, is all I can say.

At some point the truth will win out and the real story comes out about many things. Many mysteries get solved over time, like who killed JFK, or RFK or MLK Jr. Answers do come out in one way or another, even if Uncle Sam tries to hide facts of all that happened. Not only is it true in these political cases, but also in none ones too, like Marilyn Monroe and others. Not knowing the full story people ger misled and only see what they see and draw limited responses and opinions, and in the end they sometimes react in the wrong way. So, they end up on the wrong side of the coin and get stuck thinking they are always right, when they don’t. It’s the way of mankind, to draw conclusions they should not have, and then they must live with the consequences of what they did.

History has proven what I have said above in more than one way. Sadly, we get fooled into thinking things happened one way, when in fact they happened another and there was a reason for all going the way it did. The way it goes, later, after people make rash decision and react in a bad way, they learn the truth, but it can’t be fixed because of their rashness and anger. By doing so, people who act in such rashness, don’t hurt the person they get angry with, but themselves, for others see it and go I just lost respect for that person for now and evermore.

No man or woman, is perfect, we are all human beings, so before you judge someone else over any issue you should look in the mirror first. For your own flaws come to light, as soon as you make rash decisions and carry them through. Unless you have all the information concerning anyone and any given situation, you should make sure you know all the facts, if you don’t, don’t react.

I say this because recently, things came to a head and in the end the person who pulled the trigger on a given situation shouldn’t have. Yet, in his mind he believes he was right, and he is stubborn, headstrong and too proud to ever admit he is wrong about anything at all, he has to be right and thinks he knows it all. No one knows it all, and sometimes pride, and the inability to compromise, or to get the full truth, hurts not the person you directed the anger at but yourself. I have seen this happen now, not only in a man but also in a woman, and both don’t realize what they did, they just reacted with rash decisions they will regret.

I watched and lived these situations and have in many ways in my life. And I stop and go why the hell did they do that, but I accept it and move on, because in the end you can’t change people or what they think or want to believe. But, when the facts come out after all is said and done, they will feel pretty bad, and be too damn proud to admit they were wrong.

I watched when I was a child rash fights between our parents, and then i watched rash decisions by friends asa teenager. I also saw rash decisions in The service by people who were ranks above me. It happens everywhere in life, and even in my own, rash decisions in who todate, who to be with, what friends to keep and which to get rid of. Over all, I am glad I made many decisions the way I did, but, in few cases I am not.

Sometimes you find the facts later, while you think back on it all and reminisce too. You might be some place or in a situation and your mind flashes back to what you did before, and you finally realize, oops, I screwed up! By then it is far too late, to back up and make it better, it just festers and makes matters worse for all involved and you lose friends, relatives and lovers,

Personally, I do not, worry about whether someone likes me, dislikes what I say or do, especially when the person doing so does not have all the facts of why I did or said what I did. No matter what their reaction is, when they get angry and upset you can’t change the facts, can you? Ever wonder how someone else’s decision making process is done? I know I have, but I work and make decision making different than most. I listen to people who complain, their situation, and give them questions to ask themselves, and make them see the reality of it all. In the end, some make decisions once I do so, to run right back to the person we discussed it about, and tell them, and an explosion starts in relationships that can never be healed. It’s sad when rifts are there. For in fact when both involved are actually working to protect the same person, and one doesn’t see that, well, the rift, or division and anger makes it worse for all involved.

Looks I spent 7 months living with a family member and her partner recently, due to the death of my wife. Now, Let me say this before I say anything else this is not intended to harm anyone in any way, but it will explain the truth of all that happened. They took me in and I will never, hurt or harm them on purpose. What happened is sad because, not everyone understands the way they live together or their relationship and I am one who has seen it up close now. so, I do understand it, doesn’t mean I agree with it all, but it’s not my place to change it or attempt to. This is to explain something, I am sure as hell, as sure as I am sitting where I am today, that I am being talked about to some people as not being grateful, or I didn’t compensate them well enough. Well, that’s crap, and no matter what was said about any situation, I saw or witnessed in their home, I never intended to hurt anyone. People act differently when their partners are away from them, and they talk. So, when I was listening to someone complain about their partner and what they do, and asked a serious question, well, they took that question and turned it into a problem by running back to their partner with it. It got blown out of proportion and turned into an angry mess, that never got resolved. Sadly!

Just so all that may hear of this situation, as I am a far away from it now and people do talk once you are gone, I will clarify something. I compensated the couple that tool me in, very well for the 7 months I lived in their home. The amount of money I gave, adds up and I don’t think it is known to the half that is so angry with me. Seven months, dived into 17,ooo, dollars equals 2,428.57 cents per month. 15, 000, of it in lump sum the rest was in items they sold of mine and me paying for a gas delivery to heat their home in the winter. I know the person who is so angry, doesn’t know those monetary facts. So when, people are told how awful I was to live with, it is a joke really, I did nothing wrong in their home. The only problem was, I responded to a question and discussion one half had about the other with one question, and it was twisted and turned into something it should have never been.

I can’t change the bad feelings, or anger of said person, or what happened. I offered to find a resolution to it, and spoke to the person about doing so, in the end, they refused it, and said I was to mind my own business and they would stay out of mine too. It ended up in a tense situation, where you could cut the tension and stress with a knife for my final two weeks or so there. I am sorry it happen that way, but it did. maybe at some point, the person who is so angry will realize it all. I doubt it really, and if the couple in question is questioning the amount they were compensated, that I stated here, I have receipts for every penny. I can prove it.